Why do the femcels and the incels not.... date each other?

Incels don’t actually want to solve their problems. They’ve adopted them as an identity and joined a cult.

Most incels and femcels do not meet their own standards of beauty, emotionality, and sociality. This is partly why they hate themselves so much and project that hate onto archetypes like Chad and Stacy. A lot of blackpilled incels genuinely believe they are unlovable and will be forever alone — any partner of those people will not be treated well since there's an inherent lack of trust/belief in the relationship.
Not to mention that depressed/self-loathing people dating each other is a really bad idea and results in shitty relationships and emotional turmoil. Sometimes these couples become codependent and then they're together for years even though they dislike each other. It doesn't necessarily help anyone get better, it often makes it harder to work on yourself because of the "crabs in a bucket" mentality.
- I was thinking the same, but less eloquently.
  "Femcels won't date neckbeards, and incels won't date fat chicks"
  Yours is much better
- My first love fell down that hole. Toward the end of our relationship (he was about 18 years old) he'd started crushing on another girl. When we broke up, they got together. Each of them was a black hole of negativity. I saw what was happening, but with my status as "ex" I knew there wasn't anything I could say or do about it.
  She was even more of a downer than he was, which was shocking (his constant negativity was part of what led to our break up in the first place.) They spent five years together, ranting and raving about how horrible everything is, all while living with their respective parents and avoiding getting jobs. He stuck with her, even after they realized they had absolutely incompatible sex drives (she was ace, he was very much not. To clarify - being ace isn't a bad thing. But for him, a complete lack of sex added to his feelings of isolation and distress.)
  They eventually broke up, and we started chatting again (she didn't let him talk to me during their relationship.) He eventually went on adventures across the country, learned his love of kink play from a fling with an experienced domme, went to school and gained skills in a field he loves. He's in his 30s now, still upset about the state of the world (obviously), but he's learned to accept what he can't control.
  In the end, he's expressed a lot of regret over that relationship. He realized in retrospect how toxic it was and how much it was holding him back. I have no idea how that ex-girlfriend is doing these days, but I'm glad that at least he was able to break himself out of that spiral.
- depressed/self-loathing people dating each other is a really bad idea and results in shitty relationships and emotional turmoil
  I see what you're getting at here... but sometimes instead it results in going to couples therapy and figuring out the roots of your problem and talking to a psychiatrist for medications, etc.
  
  Sure, there will always be exceptions. And if you can afford therapy and medication then that definitely increases your chances.
- You said it so much more elegantly than I had it in my head.

Two sides with unrealistically high standards which they themselves don’t meet. Plus they hate the others almost as much as they hate themselves.
I don’t see this working out, guys.
- This. My wife's brother isn't a bad looking dude. I'd say maybe a solid 6. But he is exclusively attracted to women who are models or could be. A girl could be at a bar that most would find gorgeous, way out of his league, and he would be physically repulsed by her. He would nit pick every aspect of her build, hair, etc. He's currently 35 and alone, living in his dad's basement. Oh and he is a corrections officer, so there's that.

Their problems, despite their claims to the contrary, do not stem from other people not liking them. Instead, their problems stem from them not liking other people. If you put a femcel and an incel in a room together, they would just sit at opposite corners silently wishing death upon the other.

The term femcel isn't as universal as incel. Please compare the female dating strategy subreddit to blahaj zones femcel memes community
And to actually answer your question, because many of them don't actually want a partner, they want someone to blame and hate for not having a partner.

The incels want vaginas that cook them dinner, and the femcels want girlfriends... well the femcels on here anyhow
- We should spread femcelmemes to other platforms to reclaim the word "femcel"
  
  Weirdly enough the whole "involuntary celibate" thing originated from a queer woman, then the internet desided to hate her and to "reclaim" the term "incel" to people that are truly alone: extremely misogynistic men.
  
  You can’t reclaim a word that’s always meant what it means.

Because they are mostly awful hate-filled specimens.

Two people with no game, still means there's no game.
Zero plus zero is still zero.

I guess this is kind of like asking why don't ugly people date eachother - because they don't want to date an ugly person.

Because they mostly all have terrible personalities and would find each other totally unbearable just like the rest of us do.
They also generally don't really want to date any sort of actual human that exists in the real world. They want to date a perfect parody of the opposite sex, incels are looking for someone who looks like Barbie (or whatever their idea of a perfect body type is, some go for a the petite almost childlike look after all) who wakes up looking like she just left the salon, who is totally subservient to all of his wants and needs, never speaks up unless it's to stroke his ego, a perfect cook and maid, an oversexed freak in the sheets, who will bear however many children his twisted ego wants to inflict on the world but never gain a pound or show any stretch marks, wrinkles, or grey hair
In short they don't want to date a real person, they want a real doll who does their laundry and squeezes out children.
And they're convinced that these mythical creatures exist out in the real world but that someone is conspiring to keep them from them, because obviously they're the perfect example of masculinity and why wouldn't these perfect females be flocking to them otherwise?
And I'm not certain exactly what sort of fictitious Superman feels are after, but the same overall sentiment applies.
Or else they're just deeply in the closet.
- And what do the femcels want?
  
  Other women to snuggle with mostly tbh
  !femcelmemes@lemmy.blahaj.zone
  
  I think that autocorrected as "feels".

There’s a lot more incels than femcels, and they’re all equally insufferable, toxic, and broken.

The term incel came from a bisexual woman around 20 years ago. I think she started a support group online for it. The problem was that most of the people who wanted help, got it and left. This left... the people who would not be helped and that's what it is. Still the original incel I believe ended up with a woman, it just so happened that she was one.

I'm not sure but I would guess that there are 'standards' involved. Usually guys who go incel see a physical relationship as some sort of conquest.
They are more interesed in the act than the person. And for that act, they want it to be some sort of achievement so rather than getting to know someone they only go by shallow characteristics.
But usually incels are either physically unattractive or socially (very) awkward or a combination of both, making them unable to complete their conquest. Get rejected enough times and they'll tell themselves the problem lies with women in general.
I dunno about femcels, mostly because I've never seen one irl. I imagine they are also physically unattractive and/or socially awkward so they would never be 'targeted' by incel types.
The guys I knew that fit the profile would also not be too keen on personal hygiene, healthy habits like proper food and drink and exercise and they dismissed pretty much anything mainstream society deems positive. Most of what they say or do comes from a negative place. I can imagine girls don't really go for a guy like that, regardless if they are femcels or not.

Because their problems are nothing to do with not having dates

Then what would they have to complain about?

Possibly they think of themselves as unlovable,are so incompetent in relationships (any, not just a partner/SO)? Or because they just want a slave with a vagina&a silent mouth attached.
When I was younger a friend of mine, for some reason I will never understand, fell for a Incel. They knew each other from Uni. She was/is cute, intelligent, witty, definitely not someone who is unable to find another partner. But wherever loves falls,right. She basically woed him for half a year,was treated shitty (dates ignored, multiple ghosting phases with idiotic reasons like "he didn't like what dress she wore in class",etc). The later confessed that they actually had sex once and it was beyond horrible because he literally told her he did not care for her wellbeing (not pleasure)at all.
After that she thankfully decided to pursue other options. He had a long online rant about how she is a slut for leaving him, etc.
(While our friendship didn't last I know that she is happily married with kids now)

Both are equally intolerable and they don't even want to be around each other.

Well ... just like the US economy is kept alive by the constant threat of unemployedness and therefore homelessness, the US society is kept moving by the constant "winning group"/"losing group" divide. If you would heal incels, there would be no "losing group" to look down upon anymore, and the US would have to create a new one, thus perpetuating the problem.
- FYI for grammar:
  "unemployedness" = unemployment
  "and therefore homelessness" should be "and subsequent homlessness"
  "Therefore" is more of a cause and effect thing meaning the effect needs the cause for it to happen. In your case the word subsequent adds the importance of order, one then the other, because homelessness doesn't only happen as a result of being unemployed but still delineates that unemployment can lead to homelessness.
  I think. I'm not a fuckin English major lol🍻
  Edit to address your comment's point: Whats wrong with fat people? It's a lifestyle choice. They're ignorance of what is healthy is a burden on their family, on the Healthcare system, and in most cases a burden on the people they work with. However, they are the biggest burden on people with chronic illnesses not caused by obesity but are also found in people with obesity. Example: Type 1 Diabetics. The amount of funding that goes into drugs for type 2 when at the end of the day, all the fat fucks need to do is eat healthy and exercise for their Type 2 diabetes to go away. Meanwhile all that money could be going to better treatment facilities, better insulin prices, more funding towards a cure for people with juvenile diabetes aka Type 1 diabetics whose illness is largely genetic and is a lifelong chronic ailment. My favorite internet story is one where a guy called his best friend a fat fuck until his BFF dropped the weight lol. So there are also positive out comes that could be had bybreplacing incel hate with hating on the fat fucks of the world.

Just because you are an incel or femcel doesnt mean you dont have unrealistisc expectations about yourself. Sometimes, thats their problem to begin with.

When they do, it's generally a super toxic relationship.

Someone's been watching milliania thinker, good man

As with too many posts here, you really didn't think for more than a second about this. This community is great at showing that many people have a thought and just stops right there, not further thinking or action about of of any kind. It's so weird, especially like here when they go an posts it online for others to see.
- This is c/showerthoughts. You're looking for c/fartsmarts