5d ago

Trump Announces U.S. Will Relocate Panama Canal To American Soil

theonion.com Trump Announces U.S. Will Relocate Panama Canal To American Soil

WASHINGTON—Claiming that the waterway will now be called the America Canal, President Donald Trump announced Thursday that the Panama Canal would be relocated to U.S. soil. “Our beautiful system of channels and locks is finally coming home, folks!” said Trump in a Truth Social post before signing an...

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Oh this one was close to getting me
- There are a lot of fake internet points to be had from creating a new "isittheonion" community! I would have 100% believed this one.
- Same. It's frightening that I can actually see that headline being true.
- God dammit, this is the onion.
  It's not even fine any longer... I mean, it is, but God dammit.
  (to be fair, i'm drinking and glossed over "relocate" lol)

I didnt blink an eye

The crack of his ass is big enough
- BREAKING NEWS: TRUMP IS SOILING THE PANAMA CANAL TO THE BRIM
  
  That's how he marks his territory.

Honestly, does the Onion help? I feel like it shows things could be worse so what bad thing is happening right not is not as bad.

Also, Google will rename Canada "USA's 51th state" and Groenland "This belongs to me"

"Economists have never thought of this!"
- They hate this simple trick.

The Onion is jacking me up. I thought this was real for a few secs.

Every time I see a headline like this I pray to God there's an onion somewhere around it.

I had a few seconds where I was trying to fathom how he would even be suggesting that to be possible before I saw it was the onion.

So the promised wall to Mexico is now a moat instead.
- i mean hey, that's way more feasible so good job

...finally, this morning after 250 years of continuous digging, mostly by illegally detained inmates, the Panama Canal is finally home! From the center of Limburg field in SanDiego, thru the Texan sun, past Louisiana and right thru Disney World Florida!
As Mexico and Panama reconstruction continues, some say it could have been easier to just dig here from the beginning. But who can forget the views from Yucatán 150 years ago? What about when the canal passed thru michoacan and you could just pull avocados growing on the sides of the canal... The north side actually. Am I right? Yes, it was difficult, but we did it!

Took me a minute to see the community

19 comments