["Get your crabs ready" news] Mitch McConnell, 82, taken away in wheelchair after falling TWICE.

It lives in my brain forever that Mitch McConnell eats apple sauce for breakfast, mashed potatoes for lunch, and ham and gravy for dinner every single day.
Probably due to dentures. But one of the most powerful and richest ghouls of the American Regime eating joyless baby food is some sort of metaphor.
- he should be eating shit in a dirt hole
- I distinctly remember Hillary saying she has something like a plain hotdog with ketchup for lunch most days. All of the money they'd ever want or need and they eat the most basic slop imaginable.
  
  i think it was even a bunless hot dog. just the weiner with ketchup. literally what my ass was eating when i was 5 and poor
  
  Remember how she carries a bottle of hot sauce with her wherever she goes? Especially if that hotdog comment was said when she was campaigning, it was only because she thought it would make her more appealing to the lowly, unwashed masses. "See, I'm just like all you dirty poors!"
  
  is she depressed?
  
  Like ghouls as they are, you know Obama and Newsom are eating like fancy lads.
- It is wild how this describes like HUNDREDS of our politicians.

Since it says he fell twice I am imagining he slipped and fell, got up, and immediately stepped on a banana peel
- The banana peel was actually at the very top of the staircase he fell down. It's been reported that his body contorted into a circle and he rolled down the stairs like a Looney Tunes character.

I don’t understand why these people even want to keep working into their 80s and 90s. What the hell? It sounds miserable.
- to be fair, their job is eating $40 steaks with lobbyists and no-call-no-showing votes to take away their constituents rights
  
  I’m sure they all wear dentures. Anything spicier than an Ensure shake gives them debilitating indigestion.
  If I’m 83 and breaking my hips walking up 100-step marble staircases, I would be questioning why I’m doing that instead of living out my remaining years watching Price is Right on my yacht.
- You get driven in a nice car from your fancy DC townhouse or penthouse to a huge office with comfy chair and private bathroom where your staffers act like servants while telling you how important you are. Then you go to nice restaurants with lobbyists.
  It's like how people would talk about Bezos doing 60 hr weeks. The conditions he "worked" under shouldn't be considered work to begin with.
  (Personally being an introverted person it sounds the worst but I get why others would like it)
- I'm with you but for them congress is nirvana.
- well it's not like their jobs involve doing any actual work

- no way some old dude who has visions of death while he's trying to give a speech is capable of turning to his side when he's mid fall. that turtle definitely fell face first into his old man goop
- Wonder if it was a container of fruit

imagining him falling face-first but his head bends just enough for the saggy mashed potatoes in his neck wattle to hit the ground first, which end up being bouncy enough to act like an airbag to absorb the impact as the pouch compresses and violently jiggles
- I don't care what the facts are. That's too good not to be true.

I know if he dies he'll simply be replaced by another horrible ghoul. I still really want him to die though.
- "The problem with liberalism is, you never run out of another horrible ghoul"
- my time has finally come

Like half of congress is 70+ at this point. I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often.
How long until most of congress is required to go around in wheelchairs, accompanied by nurses, because the house and senate majorities are so thin that it just takes one or two dinosaurs falling over to reshuffle US politics.
- if we're lucky a few of these old toads will croak and fix those margins

FUCKING DIE PLEASE

Please die while Congress is in session, pretty please. It would be so funny
- An entire nation eagerly watching C-SPAN like children on Christmas eve.

Die already you corrupt fascist fuck!

Crabs?
- crabrave
  like this
  
  ?
- We use emoji crabs to celebrate the death of a particularly horrible person. More info here - The crab emoji, explained | Mashable

Ffs can't this decrepit ghoul do one decent thing and fall on camera?
- I really wonder how he functions every day in public so we never see video or even get a blurry photo by some rando of him in physical distress. Maybe he always has two aides on either side of him and their entire job is to be sure the Great Man is never seen falling over like a sack of rancid potatoes.
  
  There's was that one vid of him 'glitching out' but yeah you'd think there'd be more

Uncritical support to comrades stairs and gravity in their protracted physics war against genocidal octogenarians

- Let's not warn him about those stairs dawg
- Your comment made me think of something - https://hexbear.net/comment/5893001
  
  Ahhhh, classic cinema

Gravity take my (potential) energy

Unfortunately it's unseasonably cold, so I will not be able to take my crabs to the streets. But know that they're with you in spirit, in terrariums.
- If you're cold, your crabs are colder. Good job taking care of your crabs 🦀

die bitch

I have a feeling Trump might give some sweet "eulogy" similar to his Colin Powell words when he died
If I have to live in this slowly increasing dystopia, I at least demand Orange Clown Man ritualistically embarrass his opponents (even people who were never really such) in life and death
I can absolutely guarantee when Bolton finally croaks, Trump's words on him are going to be golden. This is all I have to live for.
Wonderful to see Colin Powell, who made big mistakes on Iraq and famously, so-called weapons of mass destruction, be treated in death so beautifully by the Fake News Media," Trump said in a statement. "Hope that happens to me someday. He was a classic RINO, if even that, always being the first to attack other Republicans. He made plenty of mistakes, but anyway, may he rest in peace!
Talk about "perfect" phone calls. That's a perfect "fuck you" when a piece of shit just died and the media is riding his corpse still
Edit: Ok, I keep editing faster than a NYT editor when they're covering a fresh Israeli war crime...
But I just learned Bolton is younger than Trump (wtf???). He's "only" 76. Considering he appears to be healthier (who knows) than Trump, well, nature better not rob me. I need this.
Also, check this out from US News
Only a handful – such as Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, who angered Trump when the Kentucky Republican said Trump was morally responsible for the Jan. 6 insurrection – made more effusive remarks.
Eh? Eh? (Please god)
- If I have to live in this slowly increasing dystopia, I at least demand
  Me too. But I'm nearly 100% certain that in McConnell's written final requests - he states that under no circumstances should Trump appear at any official event after his death and that Trump should not attend his funeral. But on the plus side - Trump will riff to journos to dance on McConnell's grave of so at least we'll have that. And I assume Trump will do that a few times.
  
  Oh yeah, I did not mean a proper eulogy. Trump would never crawl his ass to a cemetery or whatever to degrade himself like that for McConnell. Maybe for Netanyahu. Definitely not any currently living American politicians that I can think of
- I hadn't seen or don't remember the Colin Powell analogy so I imagined it was basically the RBG one before I got to the quote.