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chapotraphouse @hexbear.net

corgiwithalaptop [any, love/loves] @hexbear.net

16h ago

Death To HR

Email me back you fucks

46 comments

management's passive aggressive office cops who use indirect violence rather than direct - theyve got the same role, to protect the company and therefore, capital. don't think i've ever met an HR person who hasn't filled me with loathing and/or creeped me out, either malicious automata programmed to deal death through a rictus, artificial smile, or snide 15 year olds stuck in the bodies of 20-30somethings.

HR is an important part of the FailPerson industrial complex, what else would HR employees be capable of doing with their lives if it didn’t exist

I didn't even go through HR for my last two jobs, it's as if the positions were completely pointless. Only contact I had with them was ordering vegan refreshments for various company events

HR head honcho who just left my workplace for a different job previously told me I needed to make more eye contact and socialize more 🙃 (my job has no public-facing element btw)
Another time, after asking an employee why she wore a mask and her answering that her partner and partner's family were immunocompromised, he responded "Well, relationships don't last forever" 🤡
- “Well relationships don’t last forever.”
  Translation: “Please let people die so I don’t have to see you being a good person, it makes me think and that’s too hard for me to accept I’m a horrible person! So put your family at risk, because it’s easier for me.”
  Absolutely pathetic.
- after asking an employee why she wore a mask and her answering that her partner and partner's family were immunocompromised, he responded "Well, relationships don't last forever"
  Into the pit
- Holy shit what a ghoulish thing to say
  
  :yea:
- That last quote is what he tells himself must be true because otherwise he might have to do some self reflection about why nobody wants to maintain a relationship with him.
- Sounds like a real asshole, sheesh
  
  Yeah he should not have been HR. Had pretty much zero qualifications for it but was there at the right place and time

I honestly think HR just exists to be buddies with upper management, they all hang out and do brunch together. The idea capitalist society would be a few feudal lords getting drinks with their HR freemen while the serfs labor in the fields.
- That’s exactly what they are.
  HR does not protect the employees, it protects the company.
  
  The purpose of HR is to protect the company from its employees.

My theory is that HR is where mean girls from high school end up. It’s the one place in the professional world where catty petty gatekeeping, obfuscation, and manipulation of social pecking orders are a plus instead of making you a toxic pariah.
- My sister was a mean girl in high school, now she's a lawyer for the State Attorney's office where she lives. Her job is to build cases against innocent people so the state can dump them into the prison system.
  Mean girls all end up in HR, Nursing, Law, or working a pencil pushing job gatekeeping access to entitlement programs.
- I knew an HR manager who pushed their own MLM scheme onto a large corporation as a way of rewarding employees for meeting certain milestones. We would get gift cards/points that could only be used through fucking Amway or some shithead company and when they finally called her on it (years later) she got a slap on the wrist and the entire program was just cancelled.
  I think your theory checks out.
- There is certainly a mean girls to HR, nurses, and teachers pipeline, just like male bullies to cops pipeline. It's always the jobs in which you have control over others' lives that attract that type.
  
  The nurse mean girls are a unique bunch as it’s that special combination of mean girl with savior complex.

Seriously email me back. Motherfucker I'm asking when you will be mailing my check that you owe me for work I performed. I'm very generous with flexibility. You can't make yourself not owe me money by ignoring me. You will be paying me. You'll just get way fucking shittier work from me until you get nothing... But of course billing it all as per our contract. Ignore me and pay me more later assholes.
Anyway fuck you pay me

I love how everyone in this thread has a story about shitty HR.
Our new HR person shorted every single employee on their paychecks last month and somehow ended up mailing some of them to the main office instead of direct deposit or being mailed to the employees themselves.
I get being new but peoples’ pay is kind of important, like double check that shit.
- I swear, although I haven’t gotten a “real” adult job yet, it sounds like the adult workforce is rife with weaponized incompetence….and then they turn around and say I’m too incompetent to ever join them because my degree is not in STEM AND a master’s.
  
  Ah, now it makes sense that all my applications got turned down with "You're overqualified for the position"
- The last time I worked in a job with HR there was a discrepancy on my hours, I can't even remember what it was exactly but I had to ask them to fix it 3 times which involved standing in a line during my lunch because that was the only time they'd make themselves available and then they magically figured it out once I asked if I needed to get my manager involved. I'm convinced the only thing they actually get training on is how to fire people.

My current job, I applied and got a call from HR for a short phone call to schedule another longer phone interview later that week.
They ghosted me, a week later a staffing company cold called me about a position that later turned about to be the same one I got ghosted on. They were able to get me an interview with the manager I'd be working for which I aced, and they hired me at a rate above what I was hoping for.
If HR hadn't fucking ghosted me they would've had me a week sooner at lower pay, instead it took longer, they paid me more, and had to pay the staffing company a finders fee on top of it all.

I have a job, but I hate it and I've been applying for a few weeks now. Not a single response from anything, even shit I'm exactly qualified for. Like everything they are asking for is on my resume and it's not even a lie, still no calls.
I do have one lead on a really high paying fintech job. A friend works for their parent company and referred me the other day so I'm hoping that I at least get a practice interview out of it.
I fucking hate this shit so much tho. Having to be so fake just to get a job is incredibly frustrating for me. I hate having to lie about everything. I hate having to use phrases like "proven track record" and "user-centric, scalable web apps". I just want to tell them "hey I know how to do the thing you want and I'm pretty good at it" and then they pay me and leave me alone while I work on their stupid fucking app
- Damn I wish that people actually made good on their “personal brand” stuff on Linkedin so I could find the names of HR people and then complain to management of how lazy they are.

I used to work at a small company, so everyone's offices were right next to each other and we were pretty chummy. The HR was a sweet lady and I went to her asking advice for a minor issue I was having with my boss. I don't remember how the conversation ended up there, but I do remember her writing the acronym EMFH (every man for himself) on her whiteboard and saying "If it's you and me in the lifeboat, I'm pushing you out." That was a moment that made me wonder if I really wanted to put up with working in a corporate environment.

CMV HR is the fascist version of a union
- Networks are the fascist union. They literally are a capital union.

The most true image of corporate America ever to be created

The HR at my current job was so awful during my hiring process. I literally had to call them every day for like a week for them to do the shit to start the job I had already been hired for. Almost all of my coworkers have the same experience. Telling people the wrong days for things and the like. One guy was hired and told his start date and sold his house and moved several states to the take the job, they then told him there was a mistake and he actually would start in 2 months. So he (rightfully) raised hell and they put him in my department for two months and we told him just to play on his phone or whatever, we weren't gonna make him work for HRs fuck up.
- I'm not trying to make a moral or self-aggrandizing claim, I'm just pontificating. I'd rather contribute something for the two months. Learn something about your work, about the company in general, etc. 2 months of small rectangle all day seems really annoying.
  
  He did end up helping us quite a bit. But a lot of what we do isn't something you can learn in two months. It was like if a surgeon was put into one the hospital's bureaucratic department for two months. It's a lot of learning our method that he might start picking up by the time he would leave.
  
  2 months of small rectangle all day seems really annoying.
  It sounds like hell
  
  just don't even come in at that point.

Yeah HR exists only to act as cover for management nothing more.
- When I realized that HR in companies weren’t there to help ME I was livid. It totally disillusioned me to this entire stupid system.

I love dealing with the most incompetent HR ghouls and recruiters I’ve ever met and knowing that even if I get the job they’ll be making twice as much money as I will to jack off and make other people’s lives more annoying
- How many story points is jacking off worth?
- Nothing like these blithering idiots fumbling the bag on my application where I have to remind them every step of the way to do their jobs and hire.
  And then they claim that I don’t have what it takes to work at a shitty minimum wage job.

just ranted to the mega about this. Yeah I’ve been struggling with unemployment and it’s no small part thanks to these coy little slackers that won’t get off their lazy asses and put people to work.

Did you make this? It's beautiful
- I did not but wish I had
  
  I'm going to pretend you did anyway

46 comments