1mo ago

Are there any words that you pronounce in a way that seems weird to most people?

I've always pronounced the word "Southern" to rhyme with howthurn. I know most people say it like "suthurn" instead. I didn't realize that the way I pronounce it is considered weird until recently!

249 comments

I'm fluent in both Spanish and English (obv). When speaking English, I'm conflicted on whether I should pronounce Spanish loan words in a shitty English accent like everyone else, or in a proper Spanish accent. So instead I pronounce them as horribly as I can.
Jalapeño is "yah-la-PEEN-oh". Fajita is "fa-JAI-tah". Quesadilla gets "QUAY-sah-dilah"
(As a joke of course)
- Overheard in a pizzeria:
  Customer: I'd like a quattro sta.. quattro shta... How do you pronounce it?
  The Turkish and not Italian waiter: Shtuh gon ee (for stagioni)
- Habanero is pronounced jabaññññero.
  
  ah! WITH the doppler effect?
  
  Even funnier because it doesn’t have the ñ.
- Once in a while, I’ll arbitrarily drop juh-LAP-in-oh in a grocery store, just to see who flinches.
- My family is french/english and we like to do the same with french loan words
  
  In the army it was "Qu'est-ce que le shake?" or so, for "what's shakin?"
  I worked with a guy who did the exactly opposite, in Calgary (and that may explain a lot):
  comPLETEly fluent in French
  would only speak French by imitating those early "Bonjour Pierre!" tapes with the over-done voice pitch.
  It was both impressive as hell, and funny. And he'd do this for like a few minutes at a time as part of a conversation. We'd try and get him to break but his vocab was strong (for an anglo) and he'd never break character. I fantasize about him meeting my Parisienne friend and conversing back and forth, her a little stereotypical and him a little bizarre.
- You should go the Tralerpark Boys route for pronouncing jalapeño.
- I like it!
  Quesadilla looks like there's room to mangle it further:
  KWEZZ-ah-dill-ah
  or even
  kwe-SADD-l'a
  like there was saddle in there
- Yeah everyone knows it's kwe-SAD-il-uh.

.ǝdoɹnƎ uᴉ ƃuᴉʌᴉl uɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀ uɐ ɯɐ ᴉ ʇnq .ǝɯᴉʇ ǝɥʇ ll∀
- Australia is so hellbent on making words sound cute by shortening everything. It makes me giggle even when they are mad.
  
  The sprinkles on bread is adorable
  
  My wife has to be careful when picking child names because I will immediately Australianise it to something stupid.

As an American, it didn't click for me until I visited London for the first time why names like Leicester and Gloucester were pronounced the way they are by Brits. My dumb American brain sees the names as Lei-cester and Glou-cester rather than Leice-ster and Glouce-ster.
- Was on holiday in Scotland with my father. And bless this girl at the tourist information who realised that when we stupid Germans said "glennis law" that we meant Glenisla (glen ila).
  
  Unfortunately our linguistic history is a huge tangle and there are few safe assumptions. Depending on where you are in Scotland, the places names might derive from Gaelic, Pictish, Welsh, Norse, or English, and then they probably got Anglicised at some point but it could have happened at basically time within the last five centuries. A substantial number of the non-Gaelic ones are doubly messed up because they got Gaelicised first and then the Gaelicisation got Anglicised. Glenisla is a good example - glen derives from Gaelic, and nobody is sure where isla comes from.
  Still, Glenisla is a lovely area! Lots of good hikes there. I hope you had a good time.
  
  Wow, I'm certain I would've done the same. Think I'd make myself a cheat sheet for Scotland and Wales when I get around to visit. Knowing that Cymru is pronounced "com-ree" gave me anxiety about butchering names there if ever I'll need to ask for directions.
- oh wow, you blew my mind

Living in Los Angeles as a white person, I refuse to pronounce street and city names that are Spanish the English-speaking way. Knowing Spanish since I was a kid from school and using it on a daily basis, my brain simply doesn’t butcher the pronunciation by default.
It’s caused confusion though for sure. I used to live near a street called La Tijera, but Americans pronounced it almost like Spanish “la tierra” which is a completely different word, and I couldn’t figure out where this street was that everyone was talking about.
- So, do you call it "Loss Anjeless" or "Lōs On-hay-lays?"
  
  Low' En'hee-lews
  
  Loss An-hell-ess.
- There was a street in the town I grew up in that everyone called "Awkwee-estahh" . It was Aqui Esta, which is a cute street name, but if you pronounced it correctly no one knew what you were talking about lol
  
  That is a hilarious street name, omg
- Houston, Texas has a street called Kuykendahl (or something similar). People kept mentioning this 'kirkendall' street and I could never find it.
  
  But that's one where they're leaning much closer to the Dutch pronunciation

I don't personally do this, but many people in my family say the days of the week with "dee". Like "Sundee", "Mondee". I think it's charming, but one of their children said they were weird for saying it that way.
Also, as a programmer, there are some words that programmers use that are abbreviated which I refuse to pronounce the way that others pronounce them because I think it's weird, but virtually everybody pronounces them different to me.
For example, there is a common keyword in programming languages called "enum", and most people I know pronounce it as "EE-num", like it rhymes with "ME dumb". But "enum" is short for "enumeration", so I pronounce it as if it's the first two syllables of "enumeration", like "ee-NUUM". Although I think the normal pronunciation is weird, I don't say anything to people. I just pronounce it the way that I think it should be pronounced. But on multiple occasions, other programmers have called me out for it and asked why I pronounce it "wrong".
There are several other programming terms like this, but they don't immediately come to mind. Enum is the most common example.
- I don't personally do this, but many people in my family say the days of the week with "dee". Like "Sundee", "Mondee". I think it's charming, but one of their children said they were weird for saying it that way.
  My first English teacher in Germany taught us this way as well. She was horrible. Calling kids stupid and such.
  One of my biggest pet peeves in programming, hell even language in general, is when people sound out abbreviations. Like they say url instead of U.R.L. Or sequel instead of S.Q.L. Or in Star Wars when they say at at instead of AT-AT. The funniest one is smück for CMYK.
  
  I knew somebody (not a programmer) who pronounced HTML as "hotmail". I normally let people pronounce things however they want, but I had to beg her to pronounce it differently because I simply couldn't deal with it pronounced like that.
  
  I had a specific experience where I couldn't understand a client request the first time around because they kept talking about some guy named Earl.
  I can't really express how jarring that pronunciation is - you just need to genuinely experience it sometime without warning to truly grok the oddness.
  
  Url and at-at are solidly initialisms. SQL has a solid enough argument for being an acronym that I'll accept either.
  
  Or sequel instead of S.Q.L.
  Squeal.
  
  I like saying mumorperger for MMORPG because Yahtzee Croshaw said it that way in one of his review videos once.
- Do you pronounce "char" like "care"?
  
  I typically pronounce "char" as "character". Honestly, I rarely have any reason to talk specifically about chars, so it doesn't come up often.
  The next logical question is, then, why don't I pronounce "enum" as "enumeration"? And the answer is that I often do. But I do say it both long and short.
  
  I do, especially in VARCHAR as vare-care where everyone else is on the varr-carr train.
- Reminds me of my highschool computers teacher who pronounced "modem" as "mo-deem". Because it's short for modulator/demodulator.
- Continuing the programming vernacular, I was waiting to checkout at Best Buy in America like a month ago, and all the registers were empty forcing everyone to check out at customer service by the geek squad.
  Someone came up behind me and asked if we were in the place to checkout. I replied, "Yes, this is the queue."
  Shortly after that, he had the same conversation with the person behind him and also used the word "queue" to which the third person asked if he was British, and the second guy just said he repeated what I said so I had to chime in and say I wasn't British, just a programmer.
  
  It bugs me a bit when people treat acceptable synonyms as foreign just because it's not the word or within the range of words they would've chosen.
  I had something similar happen getting off a plane at London Heathrow. I asked airport staff where I could find the restrooms and they replied with a slightly confused look, "do you mean toilet?"
  
  I don't get it. Are there other pronunciations for queue?
- One I can’t stand is pronouncing regex as “rej-ecks.” I’ve also heard Redis pronounced “red-iss” which also sounds gross to me.
  
  But that's "regular expressions", which shortened is rej-ecks. How else would you say it? "Rejects"?
  
  Fortunately, although "rej-ecks" is common, so is the correct pronunciation.
  As for "red-iss", I think that may be a losing battle. Wikipedia even lists that as the correct pronunciation. I think the rules start to fall apart when it is a project name, and when it smooshes together multiple words.
- I sound out Wed-nes-day instead of saying Wends-day.
  I hear most people say "library" and I do too, but I've met educated people who say "liberry."
  
  Gotta say it with respect for our Lord Wōden. Wōden's day
- "ee-NUUM" seems like it would roll of the tongue easier than the former and that's the way I would say it too because of what it's short for, so I get it!
- Spoken language is about communication with the immediate group of people you're interacting with, and is fluid, so while I agree with the idea you suggest of enum on an intellectual level (as well as several others), using the generally accepted way to pronounce things verbally reduces misinterpretation, so I pronounce things as they are generally pronounced. Spoken language is too ephemeral to be imprecise or use your own flair, IMHO. It's a communication method that has shared rules, not a self-expression medium that is owned by you alone like what clothes you wear. There's way more wrong with how the English language pronounces things than a few niche technical terms, but those weren't decided by any one person. In fact that's why it's such a mess, but it's functional.
  Just my opinion from a sociological and practical standpoint. Probably contributing to that, I'm AuDHD and so misinterpretation is something I've struggled with my whole life. So precise communication is something I've spent a lot of time perfecting, especially at work. For reference, I've been a software product analyst, product manager, engineer, and currently architect as well as I used to run a nonprofit focused on ethics in the software industry, so I have had to do a lot of communicating ideas around software at many different levels for decades with both technical and nontechnical people.
  
  So, in my case, enum is programmer jargon and is not something that I'd pronounce at all to a layman or larger audience. I don't think anybody has ever misunderstood me. I often also simply say "enumeration". But again, that is still jargon. For a programmer, an enumeration is a data type, and for the layman, it probably just means something like "numbered things".
  Spoken language is too ephemeral to be imprecise or use your own flair
  I would say that this is a good rule of thumb.
  But then, how do I put this? I think people who are on the spectrum are much more concerned with misinterpretation than neurotypical people. I understand why, as I've struggled with being misinterpreted in the past. Being misinterpreted feels like a major disaster. But I noticed that other people basically assume that they'll be understood, no matter how poorly their message is conveyed. I suspect that you've noticed the same thing. I don't go that far, but I definitely think there is room for self-expression.
  In the end, if you understand and feel comfortable with the normal rules, then you can understand where it's okay to start to break them. Some estimates say that Shakespeare invented 1700 words in his written works. I'm sure that in the majority of those instances, he expected to be understood, despite using a word that nobody else had ever used.
  Your fashion metaphor is actually a pretty good one, I think. There is room for expression, but there are also general guidelines to follow. In a typical office environment, nobody comes in to work nude or wearing a toilet seat around their neck. Okay that's extreme, but nobody wears tons of jewelry like Mr. T, either. What I'm saying is that, outside of high fashion like you see on runways, people do follow a basic set of clothing rules, some of which are social and not specifically practical, and their self-expression is only built on top of that base.
  The basic rules for clothing are to conceal certain areas, to provide comfort and protection. That sort of basic thing. So with that, everybody's clothes serve that purpose. And then, like I said, there are some social rules. You know, like don't wear a white dress to a wedding. When people violate those rules, other people notice and are often confused. And once the basic purpose of clothing is met, then there are areas for flair. I would say that the same thing applies to language.
- Over time I switched to saying it like you. It's more internally consistent for me to pronounce all abbreviations the same as the words being abbreviated. That applies to enum, char, var, serde, num, regex, etc.
- sudo is spoken soo-doo in my house. Where I live alone.
  
  I pronounce it the same as you, and by the way, that's also the pronunciation listed on Wikipedia.
  But I can't remember how other people that I've worked with pronounce it. I'm sure it's come up, but I just don't recall.
  I think the fact that its configuration file is called sudoers is fairly decisive that other pronunciations are wrong.

Yosemite rhymes with Vegemite. Change my mind.
- vuh-JEH-mi-tee
  
  Hey that’s pretty cool. Not sure if you’ve changed my mind, but I’ll try it out.
- I'd never heard it pronounced until recently, and until I did I mentally pronounced it as if it's a very street way of greeting Jewish people.
- Same. Anemone and all these words with fancy quirky e's can kindly fuck off

Solder. I taught myself, never really talked to anyone about it, and for like a decade, I pronounced it like it's spelled. With an L.
I just can't break the habit
- If it makes you feel any better, that's the correct pronunciation in England.
  
  Thats the correct pronunciation outside of the USA.
- My aunt does the same with 'salmon'.
  
  Tbf my brother has a grade school teacher growing up with that as a last name and it was pronounced "SAUL-mon". Seems confusing for children learning to read or ESL lol.

US American. I've lived overseas a long time and pronounce the 'h' in 'herbs' because, as Eddie Izzard once said, "it's got a fucking 'h' in it". I don't know when I switched but my mom laughed at me when we had a call recently.
One I only noticed a couple years ago: turmeric (was saying, and still frequently hear) 'toomeric'.
- Do you also pronounce the 'h' in hour and honor?
  
  Those two examples have an “o” after the “h”. Are there any other words starting “he” that Americans treat the “h” as silent?
  I lived in Philly for years and never noticed the way people say “erbs” but since returning to Australia I hear it constantly.
  Edit: I hear Americans say it constantly. No one in Australia says “erb”.
  
  Hno. I do say 'historical' rather than 'istorical', but that's the only one I can think of in the global English-speaking world that has any number of adherants off the top of my head.

My wife says I pronounce crayon wrong. The way she says it, it's a single syllable word that is the same as the first syllable of cranberry. I say it as two syllables: cray-on.
Being fully honest, I've started drawing it out and articulating both syllables more because I know she doesn't like it.
- You’re correct. It’s two syllables. My wife is from the east coast and says it like “cran” or “crown” and some people here in the Midwest say it as a single syllable.
  Dictionary defines the pronunciation as two though. Crayola, the brand that (essentially) invented them, uses two syllables as well per their commercials.
- I say it as two syllables: cray-on.
  I have never heard it pronounced any other way. Not American though (and I suppose you may not be either!).

I'm German. One day my house was being renovated and they were working with jackhammers to remove parts of the facade. It was incredibly loud and I couldn't bear it. I lived close to university and had recently stopped working in one of the institutes. I knew though that my former colleagues had couches in some of their offices so I thought I'd give them a visit. I walked over to the institute and greeted my Australian former coworker. I explained about the noise in my house and said I was "looking for asylum". Knowing the word "asylum" only from written language, I had no idea it was not actually pronounced "ay suh lum". He asked "you're looking for what?" as he obviously hadn't understood. I repeated "ay suh lum" confidently and he politely said "ah". Not long after, I learned the correct pronunciation of asylum and that memory has haunted me ever since. It's been almost 10 years but I still cringe about it.
- I understand the feeling, but that fear of being wrong is a plague, it prevents learning altogether. Especially languages ! we should be brave enough to proudly make mistakes and learn from them. Proudly. With pride
- English is a bastard language without phonetics so you've just got to memorise every word, every phrase, and of course every idiom since half the language is just archaic expressions cobbled together without rhyme or reason (e.g. "rhyme or reason")
  That being said, German has a lot of traps to. The pronunciation of "ee" in himbeere and beerdigung, and guessing the spelling of words using "e" vs "ä" is a nightmare

Ever since that IT Crowd episode I can't not pronounce pedestal as "pedal stool".

sometimes I accidentally pronounce "C'est la Vie" as "sest lah vy" even though I know its "say la vee" just because I read it first and it lives in my head as that first wrong pronunciation. confuses the hell out of people and I have to explain my foolery

agghh these comments my eyes the fauxnetics please god why can't Lemmy have a bigger linguistics community and you mfs wonder why i still use Reddit
- There just aren't many linguists unfortunately. I'm a huge grammar and language nerd but learning IPA takes time and exposure to a lot of sounds you're not used to. I wish more of the reddit linguists would come over. Even the grammar communities here are dead.
- If you start one I will subscribe

Garage.
GraJ
Catch shit for it all the time, but at this point I think it's more like a harmless Easter egg.
My grandma rolls the R in "Three", and it's become a game to get her to say it. She handles it with great humor.
I'm cool to have my own version of that.
- You'd feel at home in Ontario.
  Toronto: Tronnah
  Grocery: grosheree
  
  Team grosheree 4 lyf
  Anyone who says gro-suh-ree can fuck right off back to whatever prep posh school for fancy people they came from
- Always just call it a car hole.
  
  Well ooh la we dah

The mountain range on the eastern side of the U.S. is the 'apple-at'chans'. At least nearly everyone from the southern end of them say it that way (source: I'm from there).
'Apple-ay-shuns' is just as strange as saying 'Nor-folk'. Immediate indicator of you're an outsider.
- How do you pronounce Norfolk?
  
  Ok, at least the Virginia version is 'Nor-fuck'. And some long time residents say 'Naw-fuck'.
- Huh.
  I'm from the PNW and I've always pronounced it Apple-Ah-Shuns.
  For Norfolk... I'd basically pronounce that as Nor-Fuck.
  
  Yeah, I'm saying a whole lot of people say it with a "shun" at the end. I blame the media and people originally trying to differentiate themselves from a perception of being an ignorant hillbilly. The hillbilly prejudice is much better now, but I was still personally encountering it even in the aughts. And the pronunciation has stuck because "that's the way you've always heard it said. "
  Everyone who lives in those hills (with the exception of a few pockets of yankees) says it "at-chan".

It's Helico-Pter not Heli-Copter. It's a greek word from hélikos (screw, spiral, winding) and pterón (wing).
And since I'm fun at parties, I consequently pronounce it with a slight pause before and stress on the P and not a miniscule pause after the I and a slight stress on the O.

You know the famous mage from Forgotten Realms? I pronounce their name "EL-ah-min-ster"
Oh, I also have a terrible Boston accent so I nearly caused an HR incident when talking about "hooked horrors" aka "hookt ho-ahs" or as my coworker heard "hooked whores". Horror is the best word to check for a Boston accent with.
- "jaws" is an equivalent of that for a metro NY accent. i could never hear my own accent until someone had me say it and really listen for it. now if you'll excuse me i need to walk my dawg to the cawfee shop
- What? Why? There’s not even an A in Elminster.
  
  Because I misread it initially as Eliminster and because my mispronunciation became a meme between my friend group. It is cemented forever in my brain as Eliminster.

Visiting a town in Maine, US, spelled "Calais."
Is it the French pronunciation? English but attempting it with "Kuh-lay?"
Oh, no, that's too much. Ka-liss. Like callous. What.
- There are a million of these throughout the US. I think it's done intentionally as a shibboleth.

I pronounce spigot as "spicket" but that's normal where I'm from.
My mom had a couple of weird ones that took me a while to unlearn:
Stipend = "stipp-ind"
Antibiotics = "antee-BEE-otics"
- I say anna-bee-otics. My father is a veterinarian, and would abbreviate antibiotics to anna-bees when speaking with techs about prescriptions. This affected how he’d say antibiotics, and I spent so much time with him over the years I picked up the habit.
  It’s pronounced quickly, where if I say it properly I spend conscious thought saying an-tie-bye-otics.

Baggel for Bagel.
- Baggel and Beggel drive me nuts! Bay-gull or GTFO :)
- God dammit Britta
- It's "boggle" in my household. Wife and I are confirmed dorks.
- You Britta’d it.
- Are you from upstate New York?
  
  I lived in New York! (Not really though, just quoting Britta from Community - in the first comment, too)
- Are you my ex?
  
  Do you work at the Carnival?

My wife made fun of me the other day for pronouncing the h in homage. I quickly got my revenge when dictionary.com offered my way as the first pronunciation.
Oh-mage is fancier I will admit.
- On Merriam Webster the first pronunciation is without the h. I wonder which way the Brits do it-- everything involving h's seems to be opposite the US (looking at you, herb).

How about Chipotle as chee_potole

Laypis
The blue stuff you mine in minecraft.

Not me, but I know a bondage instructor who pronounces "bondage" like you would in French.
I think if you're teaching something you should know the pronunciations. Didn't take long to find other stuff wrong with him. My wife and I quickly left and sought our education elsewhere.
- This makes me think of the State Farm commercial showing football players in a ballet class. "Boon-dlay....sah-vey..."

I pronounce azure as “uh jzer” with emphasis on the second syllable and most other people say “aa jzer” with emphasis on the first.
- Huh. I always thought the colour had the emphasis on the second syllable and had no idea about the software, but it turns out I've been wrong all along.
  I'm going to blame "Azores" (which can be either, apparently) and "assure" (which is always emphasis second) for this as being the model(s) for my mistake.

"It is called 'baggel'. I lived in New York."

I cop it from my friends and family for the way I say "baloon"
I say bloon with no a sound.
I think it stems from learning to spell it wrong as a child I never put the a in there to begin with and no one corrected me and by the time I realised it was to late
I also can't pronounce "regularly" to save my damn life.
When I say it i add syllables to the thing I think.
Reg u ar ly
- I say bloon with no a sound.
  dart-throwing intensifies

I tend to say Wensleydale, Tuesleydale and Thursleydale as the days of the week. It started as a thing I said to myself because I found it funny, but occasionally I'll slip and say one of them out loud when I'm tired.

I over-pronounce Wednesday. Like wed-nes-day. Most people say wendsday.
Also apparently I'm weird for pronouncing jewelry correctly. I pronounce it like it is spelled, and what it means. It is personal ornaments often containing jewels. Jewel-ry. Not Joolery.
Same thing with Aunt. It's not Ant. There is a U in there.
- It may surprise you that outside of the US, the word is spelled 'jewellery' (three syllables)

Bona fide. It's latin, you say it Bow-nah Fee-day.
- Et cetera is similarly "et ketera", unless you're using Italianate ecclesiastical pronunciation. Then it's "et chetera", hard ch like church in English.
  
  Nice ! have you studied Latin ? I studied very shortly but my interest piqued only after that brief period

Cape CANNA VERR ALL = Cape Canaveral
Why? Because I can.

I am the odd one out accent-wise, I am a woman with what would be called a Kiwi accent in a place where everyone else speaks with either a neutral American accent or a New England accent and one of the most common first questions people ask me is if I can say "envelope" for them.
- What's interesting in the way kiwis day envelope?
  
  I'm not sure, to be honest.
- American southerner with a tarheel drawl, I say "ON-vuh-lope.
- The kiwi accent is far better known for the way they say “six”… not sure what’s special about the way they pronounce envelope?
  
  They also love to entertain people on their deck. Sometimes even invite the whole neighbourhood to come check out their front deck.
  Edit: further information https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6c4Nupnup0

Where did you grow up to learn to say south-urn?

I pronounce the Texas Houston the same as the. NYC street
- I don't know enough about New York or football to understand this.
  
  Texas: like the name Hugh (hyuu)
  NYC: like House (how)
  The -ston bit doesn't change.

YouChyoob.
- Chewsdee

I say appree-see-ate for appreciate, and artif-isss-ee-al for artificial.

I still don't know how you pronounce it. Im not sure myself but when my dad had a headache he would say he needed an assburn.
- Hehe, aspirin? Prounounced like "ass-per-in"?
  
  eyup. we always joked that getting that would not make his headache better but it might feel better by comparison.
  
  Huh, I pronounce it "ass-prin" 2 syllables

Penalised. Is it from penal colony, or a penalty?
(allegedly both pronunciations are valid, and my experience has been others who were educated with a more British background pronounce it like penal-ized)
- My British brain thinks that the short-e pronunciation would be spelt with a double-n. Since some letter doubling has been removed in US English spelling ("travelling" vs. "traveling" springs to mind), the US spelling could easily mean either pronunciation.
  This does all make me very uncomfortable about the word "panel" though...

I like to pronounce Numeric like Tumeric
- UK English spells and pronounces that spice as "turmeric" (so the first syllable is pronounced like "turn" without the N), so I'm now imagining you saying nurmeric

Yes.
I pronounce "roster" like "rooster", because it amuses me.
- I approve heartily.

Two immediately come to mind.
First is "Comfortable". I pronounce each part of the word: "COME-for-tuh-bull". Many people give me weird looks and insist on "Comf-turr-bull".
The other is more niche and has to do with League of Legends.
There is a champion whose theme is moonlight. His backstory is that he belongs to a moon cult who opposes a group that is am Order of the Sun type group. This character is an edgelord whose whole thing is darkness and midnight etc etc.
His name is a combination of the Greek "Ap" meaning "furthest from" and "Helios" meaning the sun. His name is Greek for "the one furthest from the sun" in this moon cult.
In Greek, "ph" does not make the "fuh" sound. His name should rightly be pronounced "App-Hee-lee-ose"
But all the casters and developers call him "Uhh-fell-ee-ose" and it drives me absolutely insane.

Most of them. I have that good ol autism speech pattern
- That what???
  
  Some people with autism annunciate words differently. It's not being pronounced (for the most part) differently, it's sorta like an accent. Of course this isn't the case for all autistic folk, considering a big part of the condition is 'masking', so mimicking even speech patterns is almost engraved in our brains. But for some who don't care for masking, or are less adept at it, they tend to have a variety of unique speech patterns.
  For myself, I'm a victim of misplaced rising or sinking tones. I go up or done on words or parts of the sentence that just doesn't make sense. I also pause where people don't normally.
  As for actual words, my annunciation is just terrible. I over annunciate some syllables, and slur or combine others.
  Also I say can't like c + ain't. Cain't.

Since that Bob's burgers episode it's been Tattoo but said "Tuh-too"

Agate. Apparently I pronounce it the British way rather than the American way because I had read the word many times while never having heard it spoken aloud.
- I didn't know what this was so I had to Google it. Then I had to look up a video of how to pronounce it. Doesn't seem like a word that many people would know you're pronouncing incorrectly unless it involves their hobby or field of study, but maybe I'm just dumb or something.
- how many syllables do you use?
  
  Two.

I pronounce dragon as dragòn, if you know what I mean.

Not me, but a friend of mine pronounces rhinoceros as if it rhymes with dinosaur-us.

Herb with the H. I just have to pronounce it with the H.

Also, Ark-Kansas. Anything else is weird.
Its literally Kansas with an AR
ARK-KANSAS
simple
- Why wouldn't you pronounce the H though? It's not silent.
- Also a h person on herb as is my entire country.
- I just say 'Orb'

My SO's family all like to pronounce "mauve" in a weird way, so I say it every chance I get to perturb them.

I pronounce "beautiful" as "be-ee-ah-ou-tee-ful" like it's 6 syllables.
A long time ago I heard a radio (I'm old) caller saying they pronounced it that way to help them spell it, and i got infected. I never had an issue spelling it, it's just so interesting that I can't help myself.
- I thank (and many many others) Bruce Almightys catch phrase "B-E-A-utiful" for remembering/learning how to spell the word.

"Horror" and "Water."
("Hor-er" and "woo-tur")
- But that is how horror is pronounced....
  
  Every time I say it, someone comes back with "You mean haw-rur!?" Now I'm starting to think it's just my area. 😅
- Yeah I'm from NJ and same, but more like wooder.
  Also orange = oar-inge
  Florida = floor-duh
  And of course glottal stops everywhere:
  kitten = kih'-in
  Trenton = chre'-in

I choose to pronounce testicles like Heracles.
- That is how it's pronounced though. Unless I've somehow been mispronouncing Heracles...
  
  Heracles is pronounced like /ˈhɛrəkliːz/ HERR-ə-kleez
- HERA-KULLS?!
  /s

I sometimes like mispronouncing words to point out their sillyness or for fun.
Sometimes a window is called a winddoor. Go and ask someone to open/close the windoor and play it 100% serious straight as you point to it, its great.
Sometimes a knife is pronounced kuh-nife. Sometimes Arkansas is pronounced ar-kan-sas.
I like to have fun every now and again.

Tet-nus
- Assuming you're referring to bacterial infection, is that not exactly how you're supposed to say it?
  
  I always thought, growing up, the disease was called "tech'niss" and it took me years to connect it to Tetanus (tet-en-es) infection. I felt dumb. Phonetics are hard.