How would you get back into hobbies you've abandoned for years?
I hate scrolling but I hate my old hobbies too. I had several. Alternatively what are non-prestigious unsuccessful unprofitable talentless hobbies associated with losers I can pick up? Not joking, I hate doing any "talented" hobbies.
I got into ultraendurance running and gravel biking. You can be bad at it but people will still be dumbfounded by how incredible you are. I basically bought a bike, started biking a lot, saw an 80 mile rail trail and decided I wanted to bike the whole damn thing and back from my front door, and it turned into some real-life open world game where I just started marking benches and water pumps in Google Maps. Then I got into running, started walking to work and running home, playing Pokemon Go, 8 months later I quit driving to work and just started running, ran a 50K, all that fun shit
Alcoholism (beer/whisky/wine/whatever snob) and masturbating are always good hobbies to have.
You could probably wring some "prestige" and profit out of these if you're so inclined, but I don't think that's on the cards for majority of people.
As a somewhat proud beer & whisky snob, it's great hobby for burning your excess money too :)
Bass fishing, golf, hiking, plane/trainspotting, conventions (without cosplay), all invented because "meeting up for a chat" and "talking to strangers" aren't "cool" enough but secretly want to
Collect physical media. it's pushing back against having a subscription for fucking everything, it's a fun little treasure hunt that gets you out of the house, and it requires zero skill because it's just shopping. Be warned local thrift shops will know you by name or as that guy who always asks about the video tapes (or whatever media you most want to find)
Collecting things, writing (since you would already know if you write this post or journaling[ try a junk journal]), reading, video games, photography with a phone doesn't require a skill or learning curve, hiking, geocaching, yoga( doesn't require talent but you have to memorize the poses and be flexible), exercise, volunteering (ie animal shelter), be an enthusiast (ie movie, food, or other niche within a category).
If you are worried about "talent" or "skill" required for any hobby just know: I am a musician, artist and writer. When I was 20, I was so bad at art I could barely draw a line or a stick figure; I could barely play a chord or identify a note( after a whole few minutes lol), my writing sucked.
I went on YouTube, binge watched videos, followed tutorials, read blogs, took free courses on platforms, and now I can get atleast a few people to comment that they like my work. Rather, being good at something is subjective and only matters to the person doing it, not who you compare yourself to. I was in the least bit creative as a kid. In my twenties, I actually checked out books from the library about creativity and how to hone it. There are also many YT videos for less effort. Also consider that abstract art can be literally anything you put on a canvas, and you can even make your own sub-genre of abstract art up, techniques and all. It can be non-profit but I have seen people make 1K per marble pour on canvas which a ten year old can do and sell.
what are non-prestigious unsuccessful unprofitable talentless hobbies associated with losers I can pick up? Not joking, I hate doing any "talented" hobbies.
I'm not quite sure what it is you're looking for. Do you mean a hobby where it's not something you can get better at over time?