Sorry for the inconvenience

Need one of those tools for measuring spaghetti portions attached
- That thing only works for standard length tho
  
  Periodically move it sideways. One oversized poop becomes two standard poops. Pooplication.

The real inconvenience is having to convert the olde world measurements to modern ones anyone would understand.
- Fortunately toilets tend to stay attached to a specific region, so it's possible to know which unit system the best majority of people using it will be most familiar with.
- While americans don't measure in centimeters, we do understand grams. Weigh the damn poops.
- The United States, Liberia, and Myanmar all high five one another and beg to differ. It's an exclusive club

The arbitrary capitalisation of “Poops” and “Time” bothers me immensely.
- But not Bigger?
  
  The first letter if Bigger. That computes.

Sir. Sir. Sir! Your poop is too big. Please take it with you. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Whoever is making those poops, I feel so sorry for your tattered asshole.
That's bigger than a Coke can.
- Sure, sure. But they've probably been doing it for a while now.
  I feel bad for the person who's come to expect them and isn't going to get their XXL turds today.
  They are going to be very disappointed when they read that sign

Here in Australia no one has "poop knives". American plumbing is a sad joke. Most Aussies don't even own a plunger.

I poop in metric so this doesn't apply to me.
I live in Japan and you can flush a pair of work boots down these toilets.
- I poop in Courics
  
  Take my upvote you magnificent bastard.