Tucker Carlson claims he was mauled by a demon while asleep, leaving claw marks

At the time, Carlson says, he was asleep in bed with his wife – and four dogs.

I have an alternate theory about those claw marks...

Tucker Carlson and JD Vance had rough normal gay guy sex and he's getting ahead of any story and saying it was demon assault.

I can also take part in conspiracies

How to explain away the signs of rough gay sex to your wife.

Hey, Christians who believe in demonic possession: How come it's only y'all getting possessed and not my heathen, atheist ass who literally invites the demons in?

"I got attacked while I was asleep with my wife and four dogs and mauled, physically mauled." ... "I have no idea what happened."

lol

People are saying it's the dogs, but given that it's Tucker Carlson I think it's far more likely that he's just flat out lying.

Sounds like he assaulted someone and that news is about to come out. He is preempting that.

You're telling me this is a real story like in a real news source?

JFC

Cheating on his wife for sure

It's probably your own demons Fucker. They've had enough of your bullshit.

Jesus Buttfucking Christ these people are nuts.

I see he's taking a page from Alex Jones's bible.

Anyway, what are the chances that someone's going to come forward that Carlson assaulted them and they fought back? Just asking questions.

If this is true, what did he do to deserve this. This doesn't just happen to a good god fearing person. So I guess the real question is, what did he do to deserve this.

This doesn't just happen to a good god fearing person. Why would this happen if he DIDN'T deserve this. Clearly he lost favor with the good lord and has opened himself up to the devil to be possessed by a demon.

But, man, you're never going to get any truth from us. We'll tell you anything you want to hear; we lie like hell. We'll tell you that, uh, Kojak always gets the killer, or that nobody ever gets cancer at Archie Bunker's house, and no matter how much trouble the hero is in, don't worry, just look at your watch; at the end of the hour he's going to win. We'll tell you any shit you want to hear. We deal in illusions, man! None of it is true! But you people sit there, day after day, night after night, all ages, colors, creeds... We're all you know. You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here. You're beginning to think that the tube is reality, and that your own lives are unreal. You do whatever the tube tells you! You dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even think like the tube! This is mass madness, you maniacs! In God's name, you people are the real thing! WE are the illusion! So turn off your television sets. Turn them off now. Turn them off right now. Turn them off and leave them off! Turn them off right in the middle of the sentence I'm speaking to you now! TURN THEM OFF... [collapses in a prophetic swoon as the audience erupts in thunderous applause]

Howard Beale, Network (1976)

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I bet he tried to fuck one of those dogs and this is his excuse. "Oh no honey I didn't try to fuck the dog again...it was...democr...no wait...demons...yeah it was a demon gang bang and I beat them off."

Ah shit that's unfortunate. Better luck next time, demon.

He’s such a cunt. Fuck that guy.

Too bad it didn't kill him

"I swear, babe! I didn't cheat! It was a demon!"

sleep paralysis combined with he sleeps with dogs and they have nails. next.

He should keep that between him and his woman. He doesn't need to lie to us. 🤷‍♂️

I can't believe this isn't an onion article.

Weirdo. Through and through.

tl;dr: Comrade Carlson doesn't think he's getting enough attention lately.

The idea that a demon (or even better, Satan himself) would waste their time scratching random people or possessing them just to make them float over their bed or vomit pea soup has always been amusing to me. That's a super weak "ultimate evil" your religion has, Christians.

Or maybe he forgot to take off his Freddy Kruger hallowe'en costume before jerking off to gay porn.

Dude that's called domestic abuse, and you probably deserved it.

I bet this was said to cover for crimes he may have committed as christisn judges will definitely see it as a legit defense. Or he is fucking stupid.

It is what it is.

"You don't belong here Tucker, you have to come back home"

That's called a dream, guy.

Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson claimed he was “physically mauled” by a demon in his sleep, leaving claw marks on his body, which he says are still visible.

next time he shouldn't use teeth and make sure you cup the balls, Mr. Carlson.

Oh is this it, are we inches from rock bottom? Losing it and or lying more desperately for attention?

Lol

do not declaw those dogs

Carlson trying to scapegoat Lucifer after his underaged boyfriend got a little carried away.

Weird.

So weird.

Bro is taking too much Ketamine

Genuine demonic encounter or Ambien, plus or minus alcohol, and pissing off the cat? Just asking questions, Tucker!

sleep paralysis episode and then kicked by a dog in its sleep? Or just lying to appeal to his audience?

Maybe he should take up that urge to read the Bible. And pay attention to what he’s reading. Maybe start with the gospel of Mark, and not Genesis.

I'm pretty sure demons have better taste than to want to deal with TC.

"Wow, that's terrifying, do you have photos?"

". . ."

He should repent.

I can't believe I almost ate a non-existent onion.

Where was BLM and "antifa" at the time?

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A new religion is born.

I feel like, if demons were real, they'd be perfectly happy with Tucker.

Demons LOVE the Bible so this makes PERFECT Sense!

Tucker Carlson fights his demons. I would give this show a chance even though I really hate the guy. If he does a whole Spike from Buffy arc... It could work. [Sarcasm]

I fucking hope so

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