Straight men, what's the weirdest thing you've been told you can't do because it's gay?

Born in the 70s. I've been called gay for nearly everything i ever did in the next decades. Didn't even understand back then why my assumed sexual orientation was something seemingly bad.

I've also called someone gay. He swore he was hetero but wanted to suck me off. Because dicks are so "aesthetically beautiful" while vajayays where just "disgustingly filthy axe-wounds" 😂 He quit the friendship because i thought he was gay and dared to voice it.

That was sad and the best example of what this stupid world does to people who are just slightly off the "normal" path.

Once I was at a hotel bar with colleagues and we were hanging out in some lounge area. The waitress asked if we wanted drinks, so I ordered a margarita.

Then they made fun of me for it. Like, what the hell does it matter what drink I have.

Dance. In a troupe full of girls. Honestly, it was me and 15-20 girls.

Other boys literally called me gay for dancing, while they went and played whatever sports they did and then all went into a locker room and showered together etc.

I honestly never understood how they thought dance was gay. I don't understand it now.

okay, i'm gay, but this is still relevant.

my dad (who i haven't come out to yet) thinks colourful underwear is gay, and those are his remarks to seeing that i've packed both red and blue undies while we were on vacation last year.

like bro they're just colours.

In the 1990s in the UK, it was gay to wear a backpack using both shoulder straps (as opposed to using one strap over one shoulder, which was the heterosexual way to carry things to school).

Wore a maroon coloured hoodie

The dude who asked me this also stared fixedly at the crotch of my board shorts and asked me "where's your package, man?" upon me exiting climbing out of a (cold) plunge pool

I clearly looked confused, so he says "where's your piece?"

Dude clearly spent a fair amount of his time cataloguing the outlines of flaccid penises through boardshorts for whatever fucking reason.

I was offended, ish, till I heard the growers vs show-ers thing. Mine retracts while not in use, it's quite convenient.

Wearing a chain.

Chain necklace? Gay

Chain bracelet? Gay

Chain wallet? Also Gay

Chain mail. Well now you're a dork. And also Gay

Use ranch dressing. I was informed that was for gays and city folk only. I really had no response to that nugget of wisdom.

I got called gay for wearing a kilt in america. What's funny is I had my girlfriend as well as a female friend with benifits with me at the time. I didn't even bother responding.

I've heard plenty of guys say that doing any kind of ass play, even with a female is gay.

I was just walking to work one day, when I got heckled in the street by some random guy singing at me:

"Earthworm Jim, you're so much fun to play. Earthworm Jim, you're tall, you're thin, you're gay!"

I've never been more seen.

Sit cross legged

Bathrobe.

Use hand lotion. Dude, my hands are dry, back off!

Have a wider choice of underwear. Some beautiful individual in another thread put me on to “gay” underwear… comfort settings I’d never dreamed of. I’d feel contained performing CPR in these badboys. Apparently this clothing change is the first step on the road to man love - according to the absolute brains trust I’ve had the pleasure of working with for the last couple of months.

Use a tote bag

I once called a woman sexy and that I would do it with her and was called gay because she had big muscles. That woman is Carriejune Bowlby. I guess straight guys don’t like in shape women with big butts?

Like the color purple

Kiwi strawberry Snapple.

It was 30 years ago, but it kinda killed the whole concept of calling things "gay" for me.

Here's something to ponder. The next time someone accuses you of being gay for [insert lame reason here], ask them how they know that's gay? Are they gay? Funny how some "men" are so obsessed with "gay" stuff. Always remember, and never forget, closets are for clothes.

Wipe your ass.

I was told I'm gay because I like knitting.
I mean, yes I'm gay, but not because of that.

I grew up in the 90s so just existing would cause people to call you gay.

I once got called the f-slur for having the audacity to read a book in public, outdoors in front of the library.

One story my husband shared with me was when he and my dad stopped into a local bar after working hard on home renovations all day. They planned to get some dinner and have some beer after a hard day's work but needed to wash their very dirty hands first. So they went back into the bathroom and washed their hands. Well apparently that was too "gay" for the owner of the bar and they went over to the bathroom and started saying things like "I don't know what you think you're doing in there" and "I just need to make sure you're not doing anything funny". So they ended up just leaving while the guy yelled at them saying they had to buy something.

A slightly different version of this concept also happened to my husband. At one point, 2 of our lady friends were talking about fashion and my husband, who is MUCH more fashionable than I am, chimed in. They proceeded to tell him that he's "not allowed to have an opinion because he's a man" which is the most double standard bullshit I've ever heard come out of any of my friends mouths. It's stuck with me for a long time now because I think it keeps me honest with myself about standards and reminds me to think about how opinions change when you flip genders.

Pull through parking. You know, where there are two spaces so you drive through one into the next so you can pull out of the one you park in without having to back up? I got told that was for “girls and gays”.

Play a female character in an arcade game. Specifically the one in Golden Axe.

wearing colorful clothes (wtf)

My wife and my buddy who is bi insist that I cannot have normal conversations with other dudes at the alleged gay bar we like to visit sometimes. They say that I am invariably being hit on, but I don't notice anything like that.

Making quiche for brunch. Apparently an omelet is fine, but a scrambled omelette is gay.

Stand in awe at a replica of Michaelangelo’s David.

Admittedly staring at a statue of a naked guy, but come on

Suck dick

Haven't heard "gay" as a pejorative in real life since high school in the late 90s.

I went roller blading on the boardwalk along the beach during the pandemic and got called gay

Oh god so so so many. I'm going to stick with music though for today.

You like ${artist}? That's gay.

Even more fun, "You like ${Track} from artist? That's the gayest track."

Guys are real quick to make sure everyone else knows how much manlier they are by what music they listen to.

Let a man do squats over my face until my nose touched his shorts bulge. Wait. I’m gay.

Use my fancy tea cup at work

unisex clothing == male clothing

so still cant buy anything with colors or style or anything even mildly feminine without the gay thing being thrown around

Driving a red sedan

Have a straw in a restaurant.

Listening to metal music with female singers, on two separate occasions. The first was Planet Hell by Nightwish (from the End of an Era concert), and the second one was either Eluveitie or Dalriada.