How Couples Meet in the US

That is insane.

Having 4 shades of grey as colors in a colored graph certainly is a choice...

I think the online thing is about to start dropping. The sites are so full of looky-loos who just want to chat and never actually meet in person they're hardly worth the time. I expect as the bot infestation continues to grow, they'll be even less useful.

I’m sure off loading the human mating ritual to profit driven companies will have no negative effects on society whatsoever, this definitely isn’t the horrors here to unseen except in the most dystopian of science fiction novels.

I think this graph is fake. The way the data is presented is confusing, but the study they are citing doesn't seem to confirm anywhere close to the 60% figure, it seems to be saying 11.5% instead: https://www.icpsr.umich.edu/web/ICPSR/studies/38873/datasets/0001/variables/W1_Q24_MET_ONLINE?archive=icpsr

This lower figure also seems to line up with other studies: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/02/02/key-findings-about-online-dating-in-the-u-s/

One-in-ten partnered adults – meaning those who are married, living with a partner or in a committed romantic relationship – met their current significant other through a dating site or app.

The graph is branded with the logo of "Marriage Pact", which seems to be a dating app/service targeting college students. Maybe they made it as a form of (deceptive, unethical) advertising? I don't know, reverse image search just shows similarly unsourced social media posts, I can't confirm anything about its origins.

I'm from the south, what about family reunions?

I want to know which couples were meeting online in 1980.

It doesn't split, but I'd guess 99.9% of those online meets are dating apps (rather than other ways of meeting online).

That's kind of sad, not because there's any one way people should meet, but because meeting people is now mostly mediated through for profit companies.

A lot of people here are too young to get it, but work being a captive dating scene for skeezy shameless assholes is a million times worse than online dating.

For me, the big question isn't what are the effects, but rather, what is the cause?

I see this as an effect of something else that other effects of could be mistaken as symptoms of this here.

Basically, the destruction of third spaces and public life in general has caused an increasing number of people to find relationships (both romantic and platonic) online because they no longer have the opportunity in their daily life. That, and the increased ease of long distance relationships and meeting people from far away means that people are probably more likely to have the opportunity to fall in love with somebody outside of their tiny corner of the world.

The last really serious relationship started by meeting at a bar.

It was great because there was no expectations when we first started talking so the conversation was just natural, just two people talking. We exchanged numbers and soon started dating. I really think that it worked was because it was just an accidental meeting and we were both relaxed and had no ulterior motive.

I also think because dating in the wild there are fewer filters and few options, so you go with what you got. They may not be perfect but it's better than sitting around swiping for the perfect person that may not exist.

The collapse of society, visualized.

I wish there was some granularity to "online." I met my wife on a BBS in 94. It wasn't a dating site, it was a discussion board, and neither of us was looking to hook up with anyone. There are lots of things like that, but I'm guessing dating apps/sites are the biggest component.

Is it just me or is that graph all fucked up?

I met my spouse online in the naughts, and it was unusual and required explaining to most people.

It's almost like something happened in 2020 to cause a big spike. I wonder what that could have been, and if it is still the case.

Ah, life is full of mysteries.

Just got married to my wife this last weekend, who I met after being on Bumble for about 2 weeks... Gotta go buy some scratchers.

I wouldn't have expected schools to be so low tbh

I remember being in highschool in the late 90s/early 2000s and someone found out I had an online dating profile.

I was relentlessly teased about it, borderline bullying.

I eventually met my current wife online, couldn't be happier.

looking back, the teasing was likely because I was the only genuinely nice guy those girls knew and were upset their choices for dates were abysmal. it's all for the best though, I wouldn't have wanted to be around anyone who could treat me that way and be ok with it.

I'm pleased that the stigma against online dating has all but vanished.

Why the rise in meeting people at work in the 1980s? Was this when there was an increase in office jobs?

To think it all started with DoD nerds hooking up in the 80s.

If anyone is jumping into this thread: ctrl+f "fake". There is a good discussion about the data that you shouldn't miss.

Why does the graph use 5 shades of gray for some categories?

I first dated online in 1999, and the first woman I dated I ended up marrying and having two kids with, though we divorced in 2017.

I still date online these days, and I prefer it. It allows me to know a little about a person before I waste any time chatting them up, and the things I need to know are things they generally put on their profile. Things like their sexuality (since I am non-binary), their political leaning (I'm socialist), their relationship orientation (I'm polyamorous), whether our values match...you know...important shit. And those early conversations before we ever meet in person are low-key enough that I feel more comfortable with them IRL, something that helps me as an autistic person.

Huh. I never knew that people really do meet at bars for more than just a one night stand.

Kudos to that handful of people who met online in the fucking 80s. Talk about meeting over niche interests.

I'm kind of surprised that College has always been low

Surely this graph is wrong? In 1974 couples used to meet while kung fu fighting. A lot of research tends to prove it.

Look at the date of the latest piece of data, and you have your answer

through family

Hmm...

I'm personally thrilled not to be bound by the recommendations of my friends or family. Or work?! Gross!

People: "Oh hey there Digital Frontier, looking forward to the opportunity" The Permanently Online: "Get out of my swamp!"

I just like that it looks like a cuttlefish.

...

I like the idea of dating apps, but I don't like the implementation or at least how they end up being used where the focus is entirely on visual attraction. I don't particularly think or care about looks; I'm attracted to personality. Most people have blank profiles and just a lot of pictures, so I either have to decide to not like a majority of profiles or like everything just to maybe get a chance to talk to someone.

And it doesn't help having BPD and not really having a solid identity to tell people who I am in a single block of limited characters. So when nobody even communicates when you actually match, it just makes the whole thing seem pointless and stupid.

Meeting online seems like the best way to me. Better to date people you have stuff in common with rather than just picking your partners through circumstance.

I met my partner because my ex broke into their house with a friend to get their bong back. My partner and their ex, walked in on my friend and my ex, and obviously freaked out. I have no idea why they decided to be friends, but as a result, I've been in a relationship for 7 years now lmao. If anyone is wondering how that happened, we were poly, but now we're monogamous. Also, both of our ex'es are transitioning now, and I couldn't be happier for them. That's just a random coincidence. One male, one female. Also, it's really weird being in a straight relationship after being in a queer relationship for years. Sorry for the tangent.

Grade school is funny. That's K-6, right? Like 6-12 year olds?

Church is a conspicuous absence on this chart, I guess nobody really meets anyone there?

It's so sad to see real life vanishing

Fuck that is sobering to see. I mean you knew it was trending in that direction but to see it so starkly and so drastically. Damn.

I met my partner through friends at the EXACT point where “Through friends” intersects with “online”. Interesting.

Now do how they split!

The few times I’ve had friends set me up never ended well. Those were usually the worst, in terms of compatibility.

It’s funny I guess how friends view you. Either that or they just want their friend groups to be one big “family”.

I’m not surprised to see such a huge drop there.

Why does online shoot up as soon as it surpasses friends?

Give me $50/month and I'll find you some random stranger 😉💕! I used craigslist and found a perfectly good used girlfriend. 15 years and she's still going!

That is kinda sad

For "through friends", I feel like a lot of larger friend networks have collapsed. People aren't friends with as many people as large get togethers have become rarer over time.

There are stories of people who met once at a long event and then maintained contact over time. Now, everyone would be on their phone.

Those numbers don't seem toadd up to 100%...

furries

Pathetic. Glad I did not meet better half on the f'n internet.