Octopus

- Octo-Diddy Where Art Thou?
  
  In jail without bond, currently.

That beak is going to hurt like a mother, though.
- No one said it wouldn't be painful lol
  
  TIL what that Coldplay song is about.
- Beaked for your pleasure

Flexible enough? Sure.
But will it withstand my stomach acids?
- Bro, it lives underwater, in the ocean, where there's sharks and shit. It doesn't care about your stomach acid.
  
  It lives in water with salt. The average ocean pH value is 8.1. It's a brain coated with a thin bit of goo.
  My stomach is about 1.5 pH.
  You could easily go through a waterslide, but if I change the water to be hydrochloric acid, you're not gonna come out as fresh as you went in. And most skin on the face and body has a pH of between 4.7 and 5.75.

That's just great! Now I want that :(

Prove it

I'm pretty sure there's japanese porn on this exact theme
- Not just porn, but classic art by a famous artist. Check out Hokusai's "The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife."
  
  That was a super interesting read! Thanks!
- Prove it

Stop, please. I can only get so erect.
- a small one could probably go up that too

Can it go the other way?
- Yes, you can enter an octopus' mouth, wriggle around through its digestive tract, and exit their anus. And when you're done, you can eat the octopus shreds from it popping like a you-filled balloon.
  
  Thanks to you my search history now contains octopus anus.

It’s called octopussying and you NORMOS and vegans STAY AWAY from OUR KINKCOMMUNITY (/s)

Something an incredibly large number of people do not understand is that solid objects cannot pass through you: anything larger than 1-2mm will not get past the Pylorus Sphincter at the end of your stomach.
Any claims otherwise are misled bullshit.
EDIT: Lots of typos
- I never threw the quarter i swallowed at 6 years old back up, doc said it likely passed. Thats hella bigger tam 1-2mm and there's no quarters showing up on imaging... so how exactly does that work?
  Not saying I don't believe this its just that reconciling this statement with real world experience isn't adding up.
  And now I'm picturing the 'Little Book of Calm' getting absorbed and Bill Bailey running around looking like Jesus and quoting it. I never walked around like moose jesus so I guess I didn't absorb it.
  
  Coins will dissolve within a month, pass once small enough. US Quarters are Copper with a plating of Copper Nickel Alloy, all of which will dissolve in acid.
  
  https://learn.pediatrics.ubc.ca/body-systems/gastrointestinal/suspected-foreign-body-ingestion/
  Looks like you typoed the unit of measure. Thats 2 cm, not mm, 10x bigger.
  However, exceptions include sharp or toxic bodies, objects too large to pass through the pyloric sphincter (greater than 2×6 cm),
- Huh. TIL
- Explain corn in poop
  
  An unchewed kernel is about 7.5mm in diameter.
  The kernels are already popped or deflated as they enter the intestines, the loose corn kernal skins pass through like so.
- When I was a kid, I passed a marble. It was quite painful when exiting the stomach, but I'll never forget the sound of it hitting the porcelain afterwards.

Stop it, you'll make me cum

Sounds like the digestive system works

I have a stomach ache and this is not helping
- It's just fully autonomous pipe cleaning.

Thanks I hate it.
- No worries, its wrong

"This is my hole!"

Don't threaten me with a good time.

and call itself calamari
- After sticking a feather in its hat, presumably.
- It was originally the colonmari

Not again.

Cheers @Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net I was in need of a new fear..
- Scareoused?
  
  Petrified, in both senses of the word

Obligatory video (click at your own risk)

Don’t give people ideas.

Could it survive the stomach acid?
- Nope, that's the point. That's how we trick them into get eaten.

So's coffee what's your point?
- Alive?
  
  I like my coffee FrEsH.

what kind of octopus are we talking? How big?
It's a known fact that as long as their mouth fits through the hole, the rest will follow, but it must be pretty small for it to move through your entire GI tract.
Now the spooky thing is that it's probably intelligent enough to do it, assuming it doesn't die somewhere along the way.

Pretty sure that's not true...
- If they weren't too big or have to swim through all the digestive juices, it would be entirely possible
  
  For clarification, too big means larger than a millimeter for the human stomach.
- You would be correct, the Pylorus Sphincter stops anything larger than 1 to 2 millimeters in size from entering the intestines. Solids do not oass through human beings.
- I mean, some octopodes are pretty small. The real issue is them moving through the GI tract. They might be flexible enough, but propelling themselves forward consistently would be the real feat.
  
  More importantly nothing larger than a millimeter is getting past the stomach, ever.
- Hey, if we can make a pencil out of leaves, cephalopods can swim through our GI tract like species 8472 through fluidic space.
  
  The problem isn't the space it's the acid.