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Dad Jokes @lemmy.world

gedaliyah @lemmy.world

6mo ago

A short drive from Limerick, Ireland

55 comments

Hadn't seen this one before but I saw this in a book:
There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two
and then later in the same book they had
There once was a man from Verdun
- I like this.
  There are two types of people:
  Those who can extrapolate
  
  eye twitches from incomplete data
  
  There are 10 types of people in the world
- thousand yard stare
  
  Verdun here
- There was once an unfortunate bard
  Who found fashioning limericks hard.
  He stopped at line three

There once was a bard from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When told this was so
He replied, 'Yes, I know"
"But I always try and fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

there’s really no need to say more
- God fucking damn genius.

The audience always wants more

There was a young man from south bend
Whose limericks all came to an end
Suddenly

Reminds me of an oldie:
“Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, This one don’t.”
- I will occasionally go out of my way to put together birthday cards etc for friends and family rather than buy something off the rack. One year I made this for my cousin:
  Roses are red
  (Rose dot jpeg)
  Violets are too
  (Violet in red dot jpeg)
  open
  I ran out of cyan
  Happy birthday
- I knew it as
  Roses are red.
  Violets are blue
  I hate rhyming.
  Zebra
- Yes these kinds of works works best when you sing them like bards would. Just reading them as is is not as good. Or you can sing them like tenacious d (they got the bard style going on)

My favourite language joke:
What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
One's got claws at the end of its paws, the other's a pause at the end of a clause
*fixed order
- What do you call Santa's little helpers?
  Subordinate Clauses
- But a comma goes before the pause.
  
  yeah doesn't even work with the classic joke format, in which the words switch places. I'm sure the joke should actually be:
  one has claws at the end of its paws, one denotes a pause at the end of a clause.

... he traded the fifth for a whore
... the four is an Int I adore
... ~~three~~ third bits is all I afford
- You've gotta leave them wanting more
  
  this is my favourite so far
- ... the four is an Int I adore
  So that's your stand on the square numbers vs fibonacci primes, I see
  
  But a four is soooo symmetric.

Not a limerick but I want to share my favorite pun joke
I once submitted ten puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win, but
No pun intended
- I always thought that joke needs an actual pun in the first half so the "no pun intended" has a valid double meaning. I came up with:
  I told the sad ghost ten puns to raise its spirits. No pun intendid.
  
  It's word play.
  No pun intended.
  "No pun in ten did [win the contest]"
- HA! Nice!

And this is the fifth line of four..
- This one's great!

"...I can't think of a single word more."

whose limericks stopped at line four
Bad rhythm. Should be “whose limericks would stop at line four”
- That depends on whether you treat "limericks" as a trochee (long-short, i.e. "lim-ricks") or a dactyl (long-short-short, i.e. "lim-er-icks").
  
  Egerlach, they once called this bard
  Who'd school any with whom he did spar
  Whether trochee or dactyl
  word choice was impec'ble
  master of prosody, unflappable.

and then he said nothing more.
- Not enough syllables
  
  eh 7-10 in lines 1, 2, and 5. cold have been more consistent but its not like its a haiku. kind of ruins the joke to write a last line anyway

My bandwidth is crappy through Tor.
OR
Too much exposition's a bore.
OR
Though a quatrain's a ditty,
My pay's itty bitty.
If you cut prose apart, so as to make more,
Perhaps, one day, I'll afford my lost oar.

I find the fifth line a chore

And then he spoke not a word more.

You're both sadist and poetic boor.

And with that he walked out the door

There once was a mute man from spain
\ Who loved traveling on planes
\ When ask what he thought
\ Of the brand new concord
\ He said

*badum...* Y'know, no, this is so terrible, I will not finish the rimshot.

"Yer Mom was a ________"
- Nice lady who makes delicious snacks.
- Sick duck?

55 comments