Im mad i missed the men bad struggle sesh

People really shouldn't be at all surprised that cis men have an absurd amount of hang-ups about how they want to be desired and how being desired or not-desired affects their self-worth. It's really not that crazy to want to be desired both in a seemingly shallow immediate sexual manner and in a deep emotional one.

It also strikes me as very rude to chime in with "smh don't you know women are attracted to more than just looks?" Because that's just super condescending.

Everyone is attracted to more than just looks, that's why it hurts to hear your partner say they wouldn't be sexually attracted to you, were it not for your pre-existing relationship (which I know isn't what she meant to say, but that is how it can be interpreted). You'd like to think they're into you for more than just... Being a stable person or whatever. Most people probably want there to be something intangible about themselves that makes their partner attracted to them, some parts of the sum of the whole that are ever-present even outside years of knowing each other.

Saying it's about men wanting to own women or needing to be the most beautiful person in the room is making a lot of very negative assumptions about someone else based purely on the fact that you'd interpret a vague sentence differently.
- You'd like to think they're into you for more than just... Being a stable person or whatever.
  
  It’s why I find it strange when people repeat the sentiment of “the bar is very low. just be normal and a woman will give you a chance.” This is like the other end of the spectrum for being “a nice guy,” where somehow it’s a good thing that someone actually takes interest in you for just being “nice” without really being attracted to you otherwise
Was out with my partner of over a decade and a load of her friends, she and some others started talking about exes (gymbros specifically) and my partner brought up one of hers that was a runway model that she didn't like because he was dull and only wanted to be at the gym. I was off having a different conversation as I got called over by one of her friends to get 'congratulated' on being chosen over that thanks to having a better personality. Didn't really feel like a compliment to me, but I think it was supposed to be.
Is it really just cis men? No queer people would feel insulted if their partner implied they had no other desirable qualities besides being “a good person”?
- Is it really just cis men?
  
  Come on now. Neither did I even write anything about queer people (which I wouldn't do since I'm not queer) nor did what I write in any way imply that this might be exclusive to cis men or cis people in general.
  
  No queer people would feel insulted if their partner implied they had no other desirable qualities besides being “a good person”?
  
  Now really come on, you couldn't even really call that a bad-faith interpretation of the original post, that's just making up words that literally weren't even said and putting them in quotes.

I took a cursory glance at that thread, realize it was a waste of time to engage in it, and will now act smug for not wasting time engaging in it.

I swear to god, every time I'm exposed to heterosexual culture I walk away from it far more confused and concerned than I was expecting to. I keep preparing myself for greater and greater dissonance, but every time I still walk away from it having underprepared and feeling like a vulcan. Highly illogical.

Me too. The problem is that I'm a cisshit. We seem incapable of forming healthy relationships. I'm especially baffled by heterosexual couples who get married and stay that way for decades while hating each other the entire time? Like what's with these grown-ass men not able to do basic chores? And why do women want to be their mothers? Is it a kink? An elaborate prank? I don't get it.
- My mom and step-dad have been married for close to 15 years now and they're very happy together. I don't think it's at all impossible to have a healthy cis-het relationship, I really hope you're just being hyperbolic and that you don't think cis people are incapable of healthy relationships
- You really cannot underestimate how deeply ingrained marriage, having children and buying a house are into the average people's sense of how life is supposed to be lived. Add onto that the fact that our society is structured (or at least used to be structured) in a way that turned that way of life into the only "sensible" one. If community building outside of traditional family structures is an impossible thought, what else is there to life outside of those structures? Even if your marriage is disfunctional or even hateful, it still gives your life structure in a way that in our current society basically nothing else can.
  
  Being able to take a step back and look at those structures and institutions not as god-given or obvious is an ability that the vast majority of people simply do not have.
- And why do women want to be their mothers? Is it a kink? An elaborate prank?
  
  I've been told it's a very rewarding experience and you feel a lot of love and affection for your children.
  
  I have no interest personally but I see what others get out of it.
- Probably some sort of embellished gender performance.
same. there are misunderstandings, unusual expectations, and many other things that become less and less familiar to me over time. I never really got it, but at this point it's starting to be like picking up a book in a language I don't speak
I'm bisexual, but insecure about my weight and looks. Some people have made some offhand remarks that have had me wondering if I deserved dinner... Thankfully my partner is actually considerate of my self esteem, so that's less of an issue these days.

I saw one of our frequent flyer libs butt their head into a thread and make an ass of themselves, so I was hoping to wake up to a bunch of mockery and watching them dig themselves deeper and deeper into a hole. Instead, that thread was dead and I wake up to this.

The whole deal seemed to be a case of poor communication, how...ironic(?) that there is a massive struggle session due entirely to people not communicating their ideas clearly and refusing to see a different interpretation or different lived experiences than their own.

:yea:

I wish I hadn't read through the thread. It just made me feel bad and now I can't yell at anyone.

You can yell at me, pretend im the dudes in the tjread or w/e
- I just felt so bad for both of them! She clearly didn't mean to imply that he was unattractive, but due to his own insecurities he interpreted her that way. Yet, instead of talking it out, he just bottled it up and left! But instead of trying to understand him she couldn't because he was gone and so she went online to air their problems for all of us to argue about. Then people pick sides and shit on one of the two partners for being callous or overreacting, but it's simultaneously true she didn't mean to hurt his feelings and that his feelings and insecurities are valid. But he felt hurt so he retreated into himself and then left to avoid a conflict, and I get it! And she didn't understand because he never explained why he was hurt, and I get that too!
  
  They hurt each other for no reason and it's just sad, and I'm so mad at people for picking sides and attacking either of them for it.
  
  ^fk ⁱ ^made ^myself ^cry ^lol

I would have had the best take folks, a take you wouldn't believe a-little-trolling

They're telling me I shouldn't say it in this thread, they're telling me I shouldn't post it trump-who-must-go

I think some people need to be careful to to not accidentally echo the "women ride the cock carousel of alphas and then eventually settle down for beta bux" line of incel/red pill thought. That discourse seemed to bring out some stuff that was like, uncomfortably close to that just said in less harsh language.

Even though straight people (especially, queer people do this too just less frequently) do sometimes fall into patterns of settling for partners they dont actually love. Like thats not inaccurate. Its just, sometimes when you talk about that it can come off like I said above.

I think I only saw one person directly alluding to that kinda discourse.
But that is because, to me, saying you would be hurt if your partner said they settled for you isn't the same as saying that your partner just had a bunch of sex and now uses you for money or whatever or that you think a person "settling" for someone is doing it for those reasons. Settling can just be that a person doesn't find you attractive in some aspect that is important to them, but your other qualities make up for it.
I think people need to hold the fuck back on toxic feminism that only perpetuates the patriarchy and harms people of color.

Going to war on men because a 3 line post stated this dude had hurt feelings by an alleged comment his wife made is just not conducive to anything positive
- If it's perpetuating the patriarchy, is it even feminism?
- conducive
  
  btw this means "helpful"
Cock carousel plz
- do they install those in back yards or...
Cock carousel is a line from disco elysium and thats the only place i know ot from

i was too busy masturbating to my anime femboy furry porn, filthy casuals

- nah sorry im only coming if they send their cutest officer

Glad to be the one with the most correct takes in that thread

Here's the post: https://hexbear.net/post/3195562

Here's the reddit thread it was based on: https://old.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1em5x6t/i_think_i_destroyed_our_relationship_trying_to/

Regardless where you stand on this. Its kinda silly to judge either of them just based on a single interaction with 0 knowledge outside of it. (I think at least) Like I would need more information to "seriously" engage with this. (Assuming its even real)
where were you 19 minutes ago when i was searching
- Probably also searching.

I just read through it and it affirms this is the only place on the Internet worth fucking anything. I didn't even see it as a struggle, that looks like a discussion. I gained valuable perspective from it instead of just going "nevermind" and clicking off the tab because I know everyone is about to complain the same way people on WoW forums complain about their class being underpowered instead of playing the game.

I was busy hanging out with friends and family so i missed it too. Seems pretty silly though, I usually understand the broader argument being had but i have no clue what's going on in there

I was busy doing yard work. Far more productive use of my time. People unironically started a struggle session over fake shit posted on R*ddit.
Never again, im never logging off to spend the precious hours of my life with those that i love, i need to argue more on the internet
I was busy hanging out with friends and family so i missed it too.

Lol, I find it really cringe when users on this site are like "I was too busy HAVING SEX WITH GIRLS to get involved in this online BS".

Uh, you still have an account on this super niche forum, that alone makes you super online already. If you were really having that much sex with girls you just wouldn't be here at all. Also there's enough hours in the day for people to have a life and get involved in stupid internet drama, some of us are good multitaskers.
- I meant it tongue in cheek lol didn't mean to strike a nerve

I was expecting a mess when I clicked the original thread (thanks to years of reddit conditioning), but the top comments were all very empathetic toward both the girl's confusion and the guy's reaction. That's great and all, but now I have to find some other stupid, inconsequential thing to be pissed off about

Think I saw that post when it was at like. Five posts tops and I could automatically tell it was going to be some heteronormative bullshit that'd even see well-meaning posters completely talking past each other.

It was a huge waste of time imo I got so heated my hands were shaking smh. I was like man I gotta go smoke and get off this shit, this is why I don't argue with niggas online

😌

I'm not

Weeklong struggle session lets goooooo

I was fine till a dumb ass nigga came through calling an autistic person a troll for taking the post literally and catching an attitude for it. Boy I tell you niggas online be quick as hell to just be saying shit

Who is removed and why is he so mean