Ted Cruz's secret playbook found in Senate refectory — and posted online
Ted Cruz's secret playbook found in Senate refectory — and posted online
A playbook belonging to Republican Sen. Ted Cruz — which appears to show how he aims to raise cash to get him reelected for another term in office — was found in the Senate refectory and scooped up by a reporter who posted it online.Pablo Manríquez, co-publisher of "Capitol Press" and who describes ...
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I'm pretty sure I know what his play book said, based on his career up to this point...
Step 1: be a total shitheel in college so everyone there hates you.
Step 2: enter politics through family connections, but make sure to lie about your name so you sound more Caucasian and win over your racist voter base.
Step 3: grandstand so much over stupid shit that you become the target of meme conspiracies.
Step 4: run for the presidency against a vindictive, malignant narcissist conman. Make sure to disparage him at every turn to try to make yourself look better.
Step 5: grovel and ingratiate yourself into abject humiliation to said vindictive malignant narcissist conman when he beats you to the party nomination and unleashes political hell on you (and calls your wife ugly).
Step 6: become despised by your own children for continuing to be a total shitheel and a failure of a parent.
Step 7: run away to Cancun during an emergency and when your constituents need you most. Side note: make sure to drag your kids there with you in case it makes them hate you any less. (Spoiler alert: they will just hate you even more for doing that, but oh well!)
Step 8: align yourself with the lunatic fringe of your party, even though they despise you and mock you behind your back.
Step 9: cling on desperately to your current political office for the rest of your pathetic career, knowing you have already peaked and that nobody outside some gullible constituents currently or will ever like or respect you.
Step 10: Lose political office and make a huge deal out of it. Complain of a rigged election, but actually be happy about results and get into lobbying?