It is broken. Can you make it go?

Honestly this is probably how it would go: "Hi, my laptop won't turn on. I've tried replacing the power cells, charging it, but nothing's happening. Can you help?" "Hmm... have you turned it off and back on again?" "Umm... it's not turning on." "It's turning on?" "No, it's-" "Hooray. I am smart. I am strong. I will go." "Wait, don't hang-" (hangs up)