I use the Jellyfin for Kodi addon. It's quite easy to set up and it sounds like you pretty much have everything you need already. Not sure if it could fix your issue but it works great for me.

This was inevitable

Goddamn, the US (I assume?) is so fucked up

My guess would be Papadam. Seems to match the description rather well, except for the shape.

Yep, it's a thing.