As someone who has been on the receiving end of multiple suicide notes, I do not advise this. Essentially, you’d be reading the notes of someone’s mind who decided to make a permanent solution to what really is a temporary phase/situation in their life. On top of that, no context behind the why and the trigger behind the decision (ie undiagnosed bipolar, and the words are coming out as someone who is experiencing a reeeeally bad episode).

There’s a lot to explore with what you expressed, and I totally get and can relate to shame and what some note as Shitty Life Syndrome (aka SLS); life sucks and you can’t get a break. If you wanna chat or just vent, I’m happy to lend my ears and even share my experience of dark days along with people in my life who have taken the suicide route (5 individuals total).

As for your request, I recently came across Campaign Against Living Miserable (CALM) and their YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/@thecalmzonenet) has tons of videos on those who have survived, and stories/videos of those who have not. You might find some solace there.

That’s my quick two cents. Feel free to reach out if you wanna chat more or if there’s anything you feel I can share, as this is an area I’ve had more life experience that I’d like, for better or worse.