Thank you, I don't think I meant for it to sound quite as bitter or judgy but yes, there is absolutely an element of jealousy in that they have a freedom of expression that was just never acceptable to us. I'm happy it exists even if I do struggle to relate to it.

Hi, I'm (provisionally - I haven't really decided yet) Pip from the UK, mid-30s. I had my "egg crack" moment a few years ago right at the start of the pandemic and I've been waiting for an appointment with a UK gender service for 4 years until I finally got my first appointment the other week.

I've been in self denial this whole time, tried to ignore things, push it all to the back and it is clear that isn't a healthy approach, it isn't something that will "go away" by itself.

I have a second appointment coming up in a few weeks where I will potentially get an actual diagnosis of dysphoria or incongruence and finally get some help. However the first appointment made it really clear I have an awful long way to go with self acceptance.

I've tried joining a few trans communities but, and this isn't meant to be an insult to anyone - I'm happy they are comfortable in expressing themselves, I find it really hard to relate to all the uwu, catgirl, eepy stuff to the point where it makes me feel uncomfortable. Not in a judgemental way, it is clearly related to my own lack of self-acceptance and my self hatred but at times it makes me feel like it isn't serious, other times it makes me feel like an outsider and makes me question myself even more.

I'm really looking for a group to have a slightly more mature discussion with, as fun as the memes and the "femcel" stuff is I just want to feel and speak in a way I'm more accustomed to.

Tricky... I finally got my first NHS appointment the other week and have to wait up to 12 weeks for the second one with a psychologist where they will actually give a dysphoria or incongruence diagnosis and (hopefully) start me on my journey. It has been a long time coming, I'm scared and apprehensive - I have a lot of internalised hatred and denial I have to overcome and I need to work hard on actually accepting myself but at least it feels like there is actual movement now.

On one plus side I was chatting to my friend's wife the other day (I'm very much not out to anyone yet) about our mutual love of all things pumpkin spice (found a pumpkin spiced oat milk in the supermarket) and got sent a "#basicwhitegirl' meme in return which made me happier than she could ever know...

I desperately want to do a spa day and get properly pampered...

I was able to use covid as an excuse as there was a chance I was going to go back to work in the labs and the advice to workers was to be clean shaven if possible. I don't miss it one bit and after the first time I met somebody I knew they never commented on it again.