You

This couldn't be me, I resent my interests

Reminds me of this dialogue from Ghost World

Enid : You know, we need to find a place where you can go to meet women who share your interests.
Seymour : Well maybe I don't want to meet someone who shares my interests. I hate my interests.
- "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member."
  
  -Groucho Marx
I resent your interests too
- Harsh, but fair

Wait a minute, I know her, that's the woman who's responsible for causing all the problem in my life!

I'll bet she's posting something really dumb on the Internet right now.

She's still smug after being Time Person of the Year in 2006.
I loved you in Slaughterhouse Rulez

It bothers me that the height chart suggests there are 10 inches in a foot

What about the fact that 4 feet is ankle height yet his entire torso is only 1 foot tall?
Oh god I didn't even notice that
I just had to look it up, you guys really don't have it easy with your measurements. Miles, Yard, foot, inch and nothing matches up.
- And yet every time we suggest switching to metric the very vocal minority claims it's all actually very easy and switching wouldn't be worth the hassle anyway. We'd actually save money if we switched to metric, by reducing the number of errors caused by bad measurements, but whatever, kermudgeons gonna kermudgeon.
- So it's all super weird, but not as hard as it sounds. How often do you need to convert between feet and miles anyways? We don't really use yards for anything, converting between inches and feet is the length conversion that's obnoxious
  
  It's very human though, they apparently picked a giant when they standardized it... It still roughly works
  
  An inch is the last joint on your thumb, a foot is your foot length, a yard is a stride (one step with each foot), a mile is 1k strides.
  
  It takes 20 minutes to walk a mile at a normal pace, a healthy person can consistently travel about 20 miles in a day. 10k steps is 5 miles, the somewhat arbitrary goal we picked for pedometers.
  
  It's weird, but it feels very natural when talking about the physical world around you. It's a great measure of distance, but it's not a good measure of length
I was at a track meet once and the lady running high jump was doing a horrible job. She was finally figuring out what she was doing and said : OK, we got this. Next height will be 5'12"
- This lady is one of the many reasons we need metric.
How tall are you in Olympic swimming pools?
Shrinkflation came for the imperial system, I'm afraid. 10 inches is the new metric foot.

Am I being doxxed?

How the hell did you know? Are you buying my data from Google?

relatable meme

Holy shit, I'm white?! I can go jogging!

By being white you are actually contractually bound to go jogging by blood
- As a white person, I feel the need to arbitrate these contractual obligations and negotiate more favorable terms.
And also around 2 feet tall! :)

Wait.. I don't enjoy my interests.

This makes me think of a friend's child years ago, who was going around asking all the adults, "how tall are you for your height?"

Which was met with confusion, and the child asking more and more emphatically. I think what the kid was trying to get at was, "are you tall for your age?".

I am old for my age for sure

bonus point: You were born at the age of 0 years

Also naked 💀

Three out of four ain't bad.

This couldn't be me, I have been born -1 times

Are you a QA engineer?
Im sorry but -1 is null depending on type so technically you don't exist right now
As a magnitude, that is equivalent.
- This begs the question. Is the number of times you have been born a signed or unsigned integer?
  Hell, why are we even assuming it's an integer. What's to say you weren't born 0.331517718 times?