Choose your items

Ask for the gun and the bullets.

Before I'm sent back, shoot the time travel master (nerd!) in the head. Shoot their attendants, too (nerds! nerds!).

Grab all the other options, and load them in the time travel car. VERY IMPORTANT: the Moog will be playing the Knight Rider Theme until further notice.

Time travel back to the Vatican, Apostolic Palace. Driving the motorcycle up to The Pope, I do a jump that involves me turning upside-down OVER the Pope, during which I look down, shove the LSD down the Pope's throat, and then do an Akira-slide right in front of him.

In fluent Latin, I explain to the Pope that I am a messenger from God who has been sent to deliver a Mighty Revelation. For the next several hours I use all the other options I brought back to astound and amuse The Pope during the LSD trip. During this phase of the experience, the Moog will be playing selections from Pink Floyd, focusing on music from Dark Side and before. The key message of The Revelation is that I am an agent of God to be protected and revered.

After the Pope comes down, I scope out the Vatican's Cardinals. (The Moog will be playing Guile's Theme during this phase.) The spices are covertly swapped for hashish and opiates, which I use along with the Warheads candy to bring mini-Revelations to those Cardinals who seem friendly. Those Cardinals who seem hostile to me, are fed bits of the Uranium. I am declared a Cardinal. When the time is right, The Pope is also fed bits of Uranium.

After the Pope dies, a conclave is convened in the Sistine Chapel to select the next Pope. The Moog will be playing Objection from Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (2001) during this phase. As a Cardinal, I attend, and will use the motorcycle to pop wheelies and do donuts until I am elected.

When I first appear on the Papal balcony, to be revered for the rest of my life as an infallible being whose words must be obeyed without hesitation, the Moog will be playing the instrumental version of We are Number One from Lazy Town, and I will be doing an appropriate dance.

These are all terrible options.

Almost all of these will get you drowned for witchcraft

I mean, is it permanent or do I have a plan for getting back to now? If it's permanent, the gun and bullets because fuuuuck that. I'm not living in medieval times as a woman. Even if pretty much all of history wasn't a horror show for women, I have like, zero useful skills and I'm pretty sure I'd only understand about half of what people were saying because Old and Middle English were a total suckfest (and that's if I didn't end up somewhere they spoke fucking French or some shit).

If I'm just there for tourism, none of it. I'm not trying to get burned for witchcraft while I'm sightseeing.

Spices. Twice. You can keep the rest.

For most of the middle ages lords kept their spices in a strongbox and locked it away with their gold and jewels because some of the spices were literally worth their weight in gold.

The big problem is that you couldn't just rock up to the local lord and ask him if he wanted to buy your spices. First, he probably wouldn't be able to afford them all. Second, depending on the time period merchant's guilds (like the Grocers in London) controlled who could trade spices. Third, you'd raise a lot of questions not speaking the language and carrying enormous wealth - a good way to get robbed and/or locked up

That being said, if managed carefully those spices could be sold piecemeal to avoid arousing suspicion of any of the established merchants, then that money could go towards buying a house in and shop in town and establishing a permanent business. That is probably the best outcome you could ask for.

Definitely the Moog. I'm not into music, but it's an unlimited source of electricity; just open the case and find the power rails.

Spices x 2. They'd probably be hard to unload without getting robbed, but then you could buy a nice farm.

Everything else would be useless after a short time at best and get you burned as a witch at worst.

Easy one.

The gun and the bullets to shoot myself.

I'll take the uranium. It doesn't matter what I blow up with it, the butterfly effect will mean the rest of the world is changed forever. Because fuck you, you should've asked before sending people to the medieval era.

The synth and 10 jars of saffron. I'll learn to play music like a bard and be fucking rich selling little bits of spices while I travel (and eventually be murdered as a witch).

Can I trade one fifth of the acid tab for one bullet?

If so, I'll take the loaded gun and the 4/5 tab of acid.

It'll be be the best 8 hours of the rest of my life.

What astonishes me most is that at least half of you are probably highly paid engineers that are debating this on company time instead of using your brainpower for actual problems.

I like it!

Also I choose spices for instant riches and laser for burning out the eyes of my enemy to solidify my identity as a magician. After that we can finally focus on growing weed and mushrooms because y'all know 5 tanks ain't gonn last long.

A shame it's only to the medieval times. Had it been to 2000 years ago I'd choose the gun and the bullets. To kill Saul of Tarsus. This would prevent Christianity to exist (and Islam by extension).

10 jars of spices and the motorcycle. Selected properly and in big enough jars, I could become a very rich man selling those spices.

The bike I'd have an artisan painstakingly disassemble while documenting it for recreation.

It's bound to have a battery, lights, alternator, and some semiconductors. Use them to bootstrap electronics.

The engine could be retrofitted to run off alcohol, or use it with steam. Don't know how possible that is.

The springs would make for killer crossbows. Tire rubber, too.

Really, the motorbike is a mountain of treasure.

Personally I’m taking a big fucking hammer and the banner of the fighting man I’M COMING FOR YOU WILLIAM YOU FUCKING BASTARD GET FUCKING READY

The fact that the Moog is inherently able to make sounds without power, but no other electrical ones get that is what really leans me to that. I know a Casio f-91W will last a long time, but the laser pointer and dab pen won't.

I am personally leaning towards the motorcycle and Moog. The motorcycle could be (poorly) fueled with distilled grain alcohol. Not fit for human consumption, but it could make it work. Eventually something will break on both, and you can't fix it. But you can be a form of traveling bard.

Plus if you keep the Moog, you can put it into a place that is safe, then have your later kin give it to some scientists in the 1800's. "Hey Maxwell, here's a literal magic device. See how it works. Figure out how it does this and what it can and can't do."

Are the DeLorean and the Castle also options? If so, I choose those.

If not, motorcycle and spices. The spices will get me some good money to live off of, and the motorcycle can be stripped to make a rudimentary electricity generator. What I would use it for, idk, but I'd have it.

You could sell the spices for a lot of money.

Motorcycle + the watch but just for the looks, that will make sure that I look cool on the paintings.

If anybody doubts I came from the future, I just had to point the alien chariot with two wheels.

People thinking about security, im bringing 1500 years of diseases with me. I will be fine

The spices and the laser pointer? You can just pretend to be a spice trader and when needed, blind people to escape.

The dab pen and magic keyboard were tempting, but De. Wesker made a good point ab out witchcraft.

Motorcycle might be cool because you can melt it down or disassemble it once you run out of fuel.

Another important question is Medieval times where?

I'd probably take the motorcycle at least and see if I can convert it to run on wood gas.

Obviously two of the literally magical free energy synthesizers.

I'm not a physicist, but I'm pretty sure 64kg of 80% enriched uranium is more than the critical mass.

Tbh, maybe that's fine. Take possession of uranium, instantly teleport back to mediaeval Europe - preferably into the middle of a major court - uranium goes prompt critical and irradiates most of the nobility. They are already a bunch of inbreds, what's a bit more genetic damage?

Acid and the moog, hold the time travel. I'm already traveling tonight baybaay!

It's not on there. I want a small tablet with a solar recharger. It will be loaded with all of the texts I can find about math and engineering and science.

Spices and the motorbike. Strip the motorbike and sell the spices for enough money to get someone to reproduce the motorbike.

I would go with 5 watt laser pointer. I would roleplay as a wizard.

You absolute fools, shameless buffoons, the Watch and the 5 watt laser pointer are the only perfect combination.

With this combination could have created the greatest army to rule the seas, commercial ships, spices and war, bring anyone do their knees with a single flash of this ray.

Put fear in to the souls of millions with this futuristic weapon and burn ships at a distance.

Illuminate the night sky as only gods can do. Become the alpha and omega, master of time and light, seas and commerce. Render the Dutch and Britain absolutely to shreds and raise a civilization based on Aegean culture from the Mediterranean with laws and different approach to puritanism and culture to power earlier, with science and mathematics for everyone.

Fuck, well live a different present, here's why:

Wristwatch :

Solar Navigation: By knowing the exact time during the day, navigators could use the position of the sun in conjunction with an astrolabe (a device already in use during the Middle Ages for astronomical measurements) to determine their latitude. The watch would help in timing the sun's zenith (its highest point in the sky), which occurs at local noon, allowing for a more accurate reading.

Star-based Navigation: At night, timekeeping would be essential for using the stars to navigate. The position of certain stars and constellations relative to the horizon changes predictably throughout the night. Knowing the exact time would allow navigators to calculate their latitude based on the altitude of known stars above the horizon.

Dead Reckoning: This is a method to estimate one's current position based on a previously determined position, and advancing that position based upon known or estimated speeds over elapsed time, along with course directions. A precise timepiece would have significantly improved the accuracy of dead reckoning calculations by allowing sailors to keep track of time more accurately during their journey.

Longitude Problem: Although determining longitude (east-west position) remained a significant challenge until the development of the marine chronometer in the 18th century, a precise timekeeping device in the Middle Ages could have theoretically been the first step towards solving this problem. If navigators had a way to keep track of time accurately during their voyages, they could compare the local noon (when the sun is highest in the sky) to the time at a known location (like Greenwich, England). The difference in time would allow them to calculate how far east or west they had traveled.

Tide Predictions: Accurate timekeeping would aid in predicting tides, which was crucial for coastal navigation. Knowing the time of high and low tides could prevent ships from running aground and help in planning more efficient voyages.

The laser pointer:

Burn Materials: It can easily burn through various materials like paper, plastic, and wood with direct and sustained contact. It can also etch patterns or marks on surfaces

Visibility: The beam of a 5-watt laser can be extremely bright and visible, even over long distances.

The Moog and the LSD. You're fucked no matter how you look at it but at least you can have a bitchin time until they burn you for being a witch.

BRO THAT WATCH IS IMMORTAL I BOUGHT IT BACK IN 2014 AND I STILL USE IT LMAO

Dab pen and spice jars.

That's basically enough to start a religion in medieval times. Spices to finance a nice temple, and dabs to create a religious experience forc prophets who testify to the power of the faith.

Fuck all that shit I am bringing Dishwashers and Bicycles and starting a global feminist uprising.

(the bicycles are both for transportation and for powering the dishwashers)

That tab of lsd. Somehow get to the king, tell him I've found a way to talk to God, give him the tab, and let the rest happen.