You ain't stabbing anyone with this shit

“Recent hands-on experiments determined human feces cannot be made into frozen knives to dismember dogs” is the absolute most that a single sentence can be. The peak has been crested, literature can only stagnate from here.
- This comes from a story Wade Davis told about an old Inuit hunter guy who killed a dog with a poop knife, skinned it, made a sled from its carcass and a harness from its hide and used another dog to ride into the sunset as a fuck you to his family who were trying to force him to retire.
  The story has been thought to be bullshit by a lot of people. Wade Davis is a great writer though.
  
  Wade got it from Peter Freuchen
  Edit: Holy shit Wade Davis, from Wikipedia
  In 1983, Davis first advanced his hypothesis that tetrodotoxin (TTX) poisoning could explain the existence of Haitian zombies.[10] This idea has been controversial and his 1985 follow-up book (The Serpent and the Rainbow) elaborating upon this claim has been criticized as containing scientific inaccuracies.[11] One is the suggestion Haitian witchdoctors can keep "zombies" in a state of pharmacologically induced trance for many years.[12] As part of his Haitian investigations, Davis commissioned the exhumation of a recently buried child.[13][14] (Dead human tissue is supposed to be a part of the "zombie powder" used by witchdoctors to produce zombies.) This has been criticized as a breach of ethics.[12][15]
- For sale, baby shoes, poop knives can't dismember dogs.
  
  *For sale: baby poop knives, can't dismember dogs

What are you, a researcher, or a quitter?
- OK, this is the take away. Never give up, never quit, don't let your shit knife be dreams!

I remember the 2018 Society for American Archaeology conference, everyone saw this paper title in the schedule and tried to go to the talk. Probably the most asked question that weekend besides "time for a beer?" was "did you see the poop knife talk?"

Why is it always poop knives?
- A semen sword would be too taxing?
  
  Many hands make light work
  
  Band name. Called it!
- Science!

Was this a common myth or something? There’s got to be a reason to test it
- The paper's introduction actually does explain it:
  In his book, Shadows in the Sun, Davis (1998: 20) recounts what is now arguably one of the most popular ethnographic accounts of all time:
  “There is a well known account of an old Inuit man who refused to move into a settlement. Over the objections of his family, he made plans to stay on the ice. To stop him, they took away all of his tools. So in the midst of a winter gale, he stepped out of their igloo, defecated, and honed the feces into a frozen blade, which he sharpened with a spray of saliva. With the knife he killed a dog. Using its rib cage as a sled and its hide to harness another dog, he disappeared into the darkness.”
  There's also the story of Danish explorer Peter Freuchen, who claims to have used his own frozen shit to make a chisel to dig himself out of some ice. The paper takes the time to say that it is strictly about knives, though, not chisels
  
  No way, explorers lying about their experiences? :O
  
  Did they experiment with composition of the poop? I expect it matters what you ate. I can see it not working if they were on a high fibre diet. They should try again after eating some sharp cheddar.
  Sorry, I had to.
  
  Looks at dog "now wear a shirt made from your buddy,and pull my sled made from your other buddy...." "We're off!"
  
  Does this mean it's still possible that a poop machete or poop katana is viable?
  
  I need to read this paper. Link?
  
  This story was also told in a movie. I don't remember which one.
- Some dude at the bar would not shut up about it and the scientist is not one to let some motherfucker just stand around being wrong.

So this is from 2019 - hasn’t technology moved on ?
- They invented metal knives at some point. I don't even think walmart sells poop knives anymore.

It wasn't able to create puncture wounds, only pooper cuts.

Well there goes that movie idea tosses script

This is true. You must use a petrified coprolite.
- I once bought a coprolite for my dad as a present. He studied it for a long time before asking what it was. That was fun.

Is this Lemmys version of the poop knife?
- You heard it here first, folks: on Lemmy, poop knife ~~cuts you~~ doesn't cut anything apparently.

Whereas I have been waiting to see that title to a paper for decades.
It's about fucking time.

The real question is do they work as dildos? Or is everything I believe about an Alaskan pipeline just a myth??
- Something about being brave enough comes to mind
  
  or just gross enough