What are some humorous quotes/life advice that would be funny to see embroidered on a throw pillow?

I've been wanting to get some humorous quotes embroidered on my throw pillows, and I've only got a short list so far. It's easiest and cheapest to get them all done at once, so I'm trying to come up with a list of about 10-15 to select from before I send them off. Ideally, they'd be vaguely "life advice" but that's not a hard requirement. If you remember the Demotivational Posters from years ago, think "Demotivational Throw Pillows" to get an idea of what I have in mind.

Current list / examples:

• "The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination" - Garak, DS9
• "There are no bad ideas; just great ideas that go horribly wrong" - Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock
• "Never go with a hippie to a second location" - Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock

Obviously, they should be fairly short to be able to fit in the available space and shouldn't be vulgar.

Let's hear your suggestions, and hopefully they make the cut and provide for some fun ice breakers/conversation pieces.

As suggested by a commenter, here's the original joke pillow that inspired me:

"Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive"

Haven't you ever read my throw pillow?!