Anon ends the cycle

be me, gay guy in high school
get physically abused at home
Learn to despise my own weakness
want to be strong, to be a predator instead of prey
beat up weak and vulnerable boys at school who remind me of my own weakness
it makes me feel powerful and safe
get out of school and into adulthood
decide to try dating apps
meet cute twink on bumble
we go on a date together
he's exactly the kind of guy I would have beaten up in high school
weak, sensitive, soft
shy at first, but starts to open up more as we get to know each other.
whenever I'm nice to him he gets really blushy and cute
enjoy complimenting him or touching him to get a reaction out of him
It makes me feel like he's mine, my possession
go on a couple more dates
he's physically clingy, likes it when I hold his hand or put my arm around him
I start to grow attached to him
want to protect him, want to make him smile
one date, we start talking about growing up
I don't tell him about my dad because I don't want to appear weak
he tells me about how he got bullied in school
tells me how other boys would beat him and laugh at him
starts crying a little
wipes his eyes and apologizes
I feel really guilty
that’s what I did to other boys
that’s what I would have done to him
guilt eats me alive
I start drinking to cope
one night I'm completely plastered and I can't take it anymore
call him up and tell him the truth
tell him all the details about the other guys and what I did to them
tell him I would have bullied him too
hear him start crying again
tell him he should break up with me because I'm a horrible person
he starts speaking and can hear the tears in his voice
he says it really means a lot to him that I feel remorse for what I did
says he always felt like he deserved it and it makes him feel better that I see what I did as wrong
says he's going to drive over
comes to my place
takes my liquor away from me and wont let me drink anymore

Continued

sits down next to me
asks me why I did it
I tell him everything
how my dad beat the shit out of me
how I wanted to prove I wasn't weak
how I took it out on other boys
he hugs me
tells me he's so sorry that happened to me
says I don't have to hurt anyone anymore
tells me he forgives me
says he still likes me and still wants to be my boyfriend
hold him like a body pillow while I fall asleep
wake up next morning with a splitting headache
he makes me eggs and toast for breakfast
he has a smile on his face
sit down at the table and eat with him
he's really bubbly and talkative, which is good because I'm too hung over to say much
gives me a hug as I walk out the door
feel like I don't deserve him
but want to try to be the man he sees in me

Anonymous
>33955222(OP)
You have to get him pregnant