I actually like Gentoo for the same reason you hate it. But I was a FreeBSD guy for around 10 years before migrating to linux, and I probably some long lasting damage still lingering from that era.
I miss /usr/ports. I could spend days just exploring its contents.
I miss an /etc structure that wasn't a complete mess.
I miss UFS and its soft updates.
I miss the stability of fBSD 3 and 4.
I miss the ease of which you tweaked, compiled, and installed a new kernel.
And just because of the hilarious legacy that was obsolete 20 years beforw I started with it, I miss the concept of font-servers.
The main reason for my migration was the bigger userbase of linux where it was easier to find people who has resolved whatever issue I was having, plus nvidia drivers. Plus I've only needed to use fBSD once professionally.
Well, I like gentoo for it's top notch security and I see why you'd use it for extremely security sensitive applications, but people that use it as a desktop are nuts.
I'm not saying anyone is wrong for shying away from Gentoo, but using a comprehensive desktop environment, systemd, and gentoo-kernel gives a very non-fiddly experience.
Combine that with running updates overnight or honestly just running them in the background while you work, and it's not nearly as bad as its reputation.
Still very much a commitment vs other distros, but not as bonkers as it can seem.