Worse than legos

A literal caltrop

The average peasant (so all of us) has 4hp. A lucky d4 roll can instantly kill a peasant in game. An unlucky d4 roll (i.e. going off the table) can instantly kill a peasant (D&D player) irl.

I looked it up on Anydice and it would have a 31.25% chance of killing a random Commoner. Unless they get death saves, in which case it's only a 12.5% chance.
- Did you account for nat 20 and 1s in that calculus?

It's just Lego. (same with die and dice)

No, it’s LEGO bricks. LEGO is the brand name. If you want to be pedantic AND correct, you should be referring to them as “LEGO Brand construction bricks”, though if you’re referring to a boxed set, it’s “LEGO brand construction brick playset”.

Or you could just not be douchey about it. Either way there is no connection to dice/die.
- I suppose the correct pedantic way to say it is "Lego bricks" even in the plural. But brevity in titles is a thing I strive for. Less so in the comments section. Also marbles. Marbles feel surprisingly sharp for spheres when stepped upon.
- I don’t call it a Jacuzzi Hot Tub I don’t call it a Jet Ski Watercraft I don’t call it a Onesie Bodysuit. I don’t call them Popsicle Ice pops It’s not a Sharpie Permanent Marker
  
  Just saying the brand to mean the thing is wildly common, a Lego is a Lego, and if you’re trying to find a specific type of brick is the only name more words are needed.
- You could also just say legos, because the only reason the company cares about it is to prevent genericization of a term that makes them money.
- Interlocking construction bricks by the danish company known as the LEGO Company.

Wizards: "I don't get it."

More like Wizard: dies
- Dies of 1d4 not getting it damage

I'm a simple man: I see a Doctor Who meme, I upvote.

Only time my mom threatened to kill me is when she stepped on one. She was dead serious!

So you're saying that not even a D4 likes to use itself for a damage die?

I mean, at level 9, 5d (4+1) guaranteed damage is still pretty good. Especially for a 1st level spell. I did feel the need to make a 9th level guaranteed hit spell though.

Magic missile can become a lot more potent than that (on average):

Make a Scribes wizard

Take the Elemental Adept feat and pick something that very few creatures are immune to, e.g. thunder.

Change the MM's damage to thunder.

Now you can pew-pew to your heart's content with each pew doing a guaranteed 3 damage instead of 2, and puming the average damage of the pews from 3.5 to 3.75. Not a huge jump, but if you upcast it to level 5 with 7 pews, that's 26.25 on average instead of 24.5 with a minimum of 21 instead of 14.

Better or worse than the C version of the same variety?

https://youtu.be/Mp8aOgTMX9k?si=g_dbhptLfjoQswVW&t=466

MORK BORG disagrees since a players max health is easily 4 or below