Ahead of Market: 10 things that will decide stock market action on Monday

Are the 10 things:

Market's closed

No one will do anything

Nothing will happen

No, really, it's a friggin holiday

"We predict no action, and will be 100% correct."

Like, I'm psychic, bro. It's not going down.

I will totally bet you anything about this.

The market change will be any number you want (times zero)

Like, I'm psychic bro. It's not going up.

It's Sunday and let's go day drinking!