SexUnderSocialism [she/her] @hexbear.net

2d ago

"As a straight man, vaginas are badly optimized interfaces and I would prefer them evolutionarily eradicated" (CW: misogyny, psychic damage)

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As a straight man, vaginas are badly optimized interfaces and I would prefer them evolutionarily eradicated

Aesthetically speaking, vaginas are chaos incarnate. They make hardly any sense. There’s no standard layout, no symmetry, no visual logic. Folds on folds, lips of random lengths, hidden bits, and inconsistent shapes. Compare that to the penis: sleek, functional, symmetrical. Whether flaccid or hard, it has cohesive structure. Vaginas look like they’re trying to be secretive.

56 comments

balls are badly optimized, should have used the body's existing liquid cooling system instead of trying to air-cool this sensitive gear out in the open where it can get snagged and crushed and twisted
- Elephants solved this issue actually, they don't have balls because they have heat-tolerant sperm and their gonads are tucked inside the way they should be
- Balls are badly optimized tbh
  There's no where for me to put them when I wear leggings!
  
  That’s why I simply had mine removed. They didn’t spark joy.
  
  Inguinal canal gang
- but the balls need to be colder than core body temperature to function properly, can't cool to lower than your blood temp with that system
  
  Just make more heat tolerant sperm. Next question.
  
  I'm gonna tell all non-mammals that they should be extinct
  
  I wonder if routing cooler blood returning from the legs would make a difference
- As a straight man, *

Gayest or most asexual thing I've ever read
Edit: GOD damnit it's a chaser screed

Ok I'm pretty sure this is just a very extreme bit, but...
Compare that to the penis: sleek, functional, symmetrical.
Sleek and symmetrical are definitely not universal qualities of the penis.
- neither is functional

I agree with OP. Please replace all sexual organs with USB.

Yes the penis, known for always being symmetrical
- any penis that isnt symmetrical will be corrected via tactical sounding

Compare that to the penis: sleek, functional, symmetrical.
If she’s hard, she’s horny. Simple, equal, transparent
Some of these lines read like an ad for penises.
- Now, I am just imagining a gay guy using pickup lines that sound like ad reads.
  "You ever consider dick? It's sleek, stylish, functional and locally available. Try sucking dick today!"
  
  organic cruelty-free dick in your area!
- Penis, the cure for the common genital.
- If she’s hard, she’s horny. Simple, equal, transparent
  Also a completely nonsensical oversimplification, just like real ads!
  
  Vaginas are poisonous. Penis… is toasted.
- PSA (Penile Service Announcement)

I've never seen so much concentrated incel energy in my life

Oh this has to be a bit
- It’s gotta be. I’ve seen all sorts of insane penises in my life. No shame, it’s nobody’s fault. But I’ve seen some fuuuuucked up dicks. But they all can be fun.
  Labia? All different and cool and fun also. They’re definitely way more straightforward in almost all cases than this bit states they are. The clitoris and the vaginal opening are always roughly in the same place, and the structure inside is rouuuughly the same for almost all people. Cervical location can vary a bit, but that’s not something most folks have to really take into consideration unless doing anterior/posterior fornix stuff.

As a straight misogynist, I hate women and am disgusted by their bodies.
Fixed it

Straight men and their eternal quantum superposition between viewing and organizing the strongest empire in history on the concept that other straight men are somehow biological sex machines and having to stoicly have sex with with a not dude with a single tear rolling down their face while they think about how cool it would be for someone else to fuck a dude and imagining exactly how another dude would fuck down to the curvature of his penis because simply having sex with one of your fellow "sex gods" would somehow be an affront to reality and make god cry.

So unserious.

Folds within folds.
- 😳😳😳 kinda hot ngl

CW: gross sex stuff irony joke ::: spoiler spoiler As a straight man lemme tell you I just love dick. Can't stop thinking bout that peen. I'm so straight I've just always got weener on the mind. Lemme tell you both how straight I am and how much I just love the perfection that is a glistening smooth cock :::

Chaos incarnate like to behold a vagina will wreck your sanity level and make the game pretend it's deleting your memory card
- I always carry around a D6 in case I'm ever exposed to a vachina to roll for psychic damage

Vaginas look like they’re trying to be secretive
No mystery boxes allowed.
>

Vaginas look like they’re trying to be secretive.
Concealed Carry

When I know I'm straight as hell

man does not fuck

The one thing I've never understood about my fellow straights is how they can find the vagina so disgusting....

vaginas are chaos incarnate.
I'm sure this person is just badly regurgitating
talking points. Which themselves are steeped in misogyny and reaction, of course.

Are you SURE you're a straight man? You don't seem to really have the one trait that should be common among all straight men.

This seems like ChatGPT got high on the chaser juice and went wild.

A vulva is perfect. There are multiple areas you can touch, two sets of lips that vary in length and size, so you never know what you are going to get when you go down on someone the first time. There's a literal button at the top and you can make an orgasm with just that button. And an orgasm is often a clean affair with just some extra wetness (sorry squirters)
A penis is boring, sure it might curve left or right, be a bit veiny, have a bigger or smaller glans, be circumcised or not, but at the end of the day its just a meat stick. And you have to stroke and suck the entire length of the thing to make it cum. Then, when it does, it makes a God damn mess of it. And then it becomes limp and useless
- And then it becomes limp and useless
  skill issue
  
  you have to stroke and suck the entire length of the thing to make it cum
  skill issue