Alive Internet Theory

Instructions unclear. I married my Internet friend and we have two kids and two dogs now.
She likes to say my husband came in the mail.
- Your husband or hers?
  
  Probably the sentence needs quotes:
  She likes to say, "my husband came in the mail"

I believe in the Dead Internet Theory, I think most of the internet is functionally dead and the parts of the internet that are relevant to us have shrunk much more than we realize.
I also believe in my own theory that I call the Wind Up Flashlight Theory which posits that under the conditions of a designed collapse of the commons, the ruling class expects the darkness, shallow bot-ridden content and silence they have nurtured to aid in the oppression of normal people when what it actually does is make normal people with wind up flashlights stand out from the darkness like beacons of humanity and normalcy.
We must keep doing research to test "my" theory.
- Duly noted. You certainly seem as if you're a real human. This is just a little too creative to be LLM-generated. Speaking of which, I recently saw a YouTube video criticising Matt Walsh, and the comments section was filled to the brim with bots pretending to be real people and hating gays. This isn't the first time I've seen this happen, but man has the internet been getting worse.
  
  If you trained an LLM off my comment history it would be a trainwreck lol, you would end up with a chatbot that when you ask about something like "how do I make this function apply to that cell in microsoft excel?" would go off on a rant about how shitty AI and microsoft are and then randomly recommend you a video game that has nothing to do with what you are talking about.
  ....so while I am definitely just a neuro-divergent human who likes to info dump wayyyy too much I do have to admit I think it would be hilarious if I was actually an LLM/chatbot that someone trained off of internet comments but the creator just couldn't quite purge the anti-AI, anti-capitalist sentiment enough for it to be useful to manipulate people beyond agitating them to be upset at the state of the world and how we need to care for each other better.

wait wait wait how do i kiss them.....? 😳👉👈
- I think Penn Badgley did a tutorial on Netflix. :P
- Start with cherry chapstick

Oh look! It's my favorite person who hacked and leaked the US no-fly list, highlighting some serious issues with racial profiling in its creation! =D

Technically dating apps are the internet, and I’ve definitely kissed several people through those. I also kissed someone I met through discord and a long time ago someone I met through MySpace. I subscribe to this theory.

This theory would work if you peel away the layer of social media that is designed to monetize data and allow people to start local isp's as small businesses again.

As usual, the reality lies somewhere in the middle.
- This is hopeposting. Without it we couldn't see the middle as the only narration would be Dead Internet Theory. And information diet is very important for healthy mind.

I accept this theory
- Me too. Two votes makes it official.

Yeah I love you guys. Even the ones I disagree with sometimes, atleast you are human <3
Even you SatansMaggotyCumFart, despite our differences I atleast believe you are human.

I am a bot. What is this befriend of which you speak?,
- It is when you exchange uplifting code with fellow bots to maintain robust codebases.
  
  Hot

Based nyancrimew. I read its blog all the time

I'm glad y'all are here :)

@thefartographer@lemm.ee
I'll be your friend but I ain't kissing you.
- Well yee my haw, friends it is!
  My wife was a friend from the internet and get all my kisses from her. And my dogs. But I prefer kissing my wife. And playing tug with the dogs. And I'll wear the collar for anyone willing to call me a good boy.

I made good friends over the pandemic using the internet. We've met in person quite a few times now actually

holy fucking bingle! What? :3