Polar bears

Another reference, this time in 3D:
Me, 6'4" 235lb, that's a full grown and a cub 1:1 statue
- That cub will fuck me up
  
  It would.
  Off on a tangent, but relevant, I recently watched a video from a big cat trainer, and he stated that lion and tiger cubs are absolutely lethal at the age of 6 months. They can literally play with you to death.
  
  Whatever that little thing laying on the rock would fuck me up.
- That picture is not in 3D. Not at all.
  
  You have to use your 3D monocle for this one
- I could take the one on the fake boulder
  
  Id say you could even make it 5 feet with the thing before momma caught up and turned you into a fine red mist
- And there was a time that humans with stone tools were like yep I can kill that
  
  Thats how we made it this far. Some absolute morons charge ahead and get themselves killed, while everyone else shakes their head. With some animals it works, surprisingly. Others we learn to keep away from- until the next moron feels like " hey, lets try that thing again!".
- I need a gummy bear for scale.
  
  Zoom in on my shirt, the ring around my neck is about the height and width of a gummy bear, or at least close enough to work as an average

Fun fact: Grizzlies and Polar Bears are the same species according to the Biological Species Concept.
Meaning they interbreed in the wild (somewhat rare), and produce viable offspring that can have babies as well.
We’re actually noticing this happening more and more with climate change. As Grizzly populations move further and further north, they’re encountering polar bears more often and are more likely to mate. Some scientists actually think within the next couple centuries due to arctic sea ice pretty much disappearing polar bears will either go extinct, or interbreed with grizzlies so much that there isn’t a “pure” polar bear left. Most likely a mix of both.
- Hey, Mac! You still have that Halloween costume?
- Golar bears and Pizzley bears
  
  The number of confirmed hybrids has since risen to eight, all of them descending from the same female polar bear
  She has a type.
  
  Scary... Polar bears comming to my house! Slightly larger whiter Grizzlys still a problem.
- Biologists wouldn't say they're the same species, because biologists are aware of interspecies hybrids and the species problem.
- There are tons and tons and tons of species that can do this. It’s not clear to me what the prevailing species concept is nowadays, if we’re even still following one.
- Fun fact: Grizzlies and Polar Bears are the same species according to the Biological Species Concept.
  Calling it that gives it too much credit, it is something thought up in the 17th/18th century without any concept of genetics and evolution.
  Which might explain why it breaks down almost instantly under any amount of scrutiny.
  
  It's a category. All lines are arbitrary to a degree and "interbreeds and produces viable offspring" is not exceedingly arbitrary. You can have arguments around populations which could and would interbreed if they weren't geographically distinct, you can argue about whether offspring needs to be viable no matter which way around the sexes of the parents are, or how large the percentage of viable offspring needs to be, but in the end, yep it makes sense to have a distinction somewhere around that bunch of criteria.
  House cats and European wild cats are considered distinct species not because they're genetically incompatible, but because they don't interbreed to any significant degree -- too many behavioural differences, and we're not speaking about culture, here. So even if they could intermingle in theory in practice they don't, so they stay separate, so they're different species.
  It's kind of... a behavioural view on the genome? If you have a better idea, field it, there has to be some dividing line because taxa for the taxonomy god.
- So are Neanderthals and homo sapiens the same species then?
  
  Close enough that we probably helped bred them out of existence. Neanderthal genetic markers show up with some regularity in certain modern human populations.
  Edit to add: While humans didn't breed them out of existence, we certainly did intermix with them. And that does help to maintain their existence yet today.
- In the near future, Polar Bears as a separate species will likely disappear, and we'll have all hybrids.

Do not – and I really cannot stress this enough – give any of those bears cocaine
- instructions unclear, bears are now on pcp
  
  A gallon of pcp?
- So...
  
  Cocaine Bear 2: Land of the Fresh Powder.
- Not even a little, bitty Pick-a-Nick key bump?

- Snapping out of your fantasy as you're being eaten alive is a bad move.
  
  I feel like the other option is a Jacob’s Ladder experience

They may kill SEAL with a slap but how many polar bear slaps does it take to kill members of other special forces?
- One
- That depends on the bear's tactical training, if the bear went through bootcamp then it's one slap, if the bear is also a SEAL then it's half a slap.
- I don't know...Ask Mr. Owl.

Bear is black, fight back.
Bear is brown, turn around.
Bear is white, say good night.
- Also.
  Some black bears are brown.
  Some brown bears are black.
  Good luck everyone.
  
  Polar bears have black skin. Polar bears are black bears.
- I remember somewhere they were saying you should remove your clothes (slowly piece by piece) with a polar bear. The bear will get distracted and start sniffing your clothes.
  I think it was a QI episode and then David Mitchell said something like that Polar Bear being happier in the fact that the human would be better to eat this time because it didn't have a wrapper.
  
  That’s a myth perpetuated by the polar bears, they’re just perverts
  
  I think removing your clothes is just so the bear doesn't choke to death on your Nikes.
  
  This works because polar bears are super horny. Its desire to rend you limb from limb will be replaced by overwhelming lust. Of course then you've got a completely different issue to deal with, but at least you might not die.
- Bear is white, say good night, and tuck it in and tell it a story. Once the bear has fallen asleep snuggle up to it, so it has a fresh morning snack.
- Turn around is a bad idea
  If it's brown, lie down
  
  I had heard it as turn around, but lie down makes much more sense.
  
  Oh, I had understood that to mean lay down facedown (with your back to it) since people usually have backpacks while hiking/hunting, and it provides some measure of protection.
- Black bears are pretty skittish, so usually acting big & loud is enough to make them jog away, but I'm not sure someone could take them in a fight if the black bear was cornered.
  Speaking of which, bears are extremely protective of their cubs, so if you ever see any cubs, running away from them at full speed is probably the best choice.
- Bear is Kodiak, you are trespassing and you will be shot.

Also, one of the few animals that will hunt humans for food
- Can’t blame them. They’re running out of options.
- its revenge, actually. Justified at that.

I bet they gives good hugs :3
- It will keep you warm and cozy for the rest of your life!
  
  Great source of vitamin A!
- Only once

180 seconds (3 minutes) is a hilarious overestimation of any fighter's ability. Unless you're counting the time it takes to bleed out.
- Or total time it takes to be consumed
- 10 seconds of fighting, 170 seconds of screaming while being ripped apart.
  
  1 swipe from those giant claws will end you in less than 10 seconds.
- Maybe that's counting the time taken by the polar bear to catch up to the ~~runner~~ fighter from the farthest distance they are capable to lock-onto a target.

Here is a black bear, a grizzly, and a polar bear.
And Marcie.

Fighting bears isn’t that common of an encounter. I’d be more worried about deer and coyotes or even a single cougar than the off chance of encountering a bear. They will definitely fuck you up but it’s not like they are starting their day to be like “Imma go murder a human” in the same way other urban-adjacent animals are—I think they just wanna get that sweet sweet pick-a-nic basket.
dies from turkey assault
- You mean there are single cougars in your local area ? I always thought these ads were lying
  
  There are enough of them that I no longer go in certain areas of the forest unless I'm armed. And I always have 2 arms on me at all times.
  
  Maybe the targeted advertising got your location wrong?
- Moose are not to be trifled with either. If you accidentally put yourself between mama and baby, you’re gonna have a real bad time
- Polar bears will absolutely try to hunt you. They'll eat anything that moves. The only way to deal with a polar bear is a gun.
  
  Tbh, even if you have a gun, your odds are not 100%. You're firing at essentially a biological tank, small caliber fire might cause pain and eventually kill a polar bear with non-vital shots, but it's not going to stop one barreling down on you.
  Realistically, you need to be a decent enough marksmen to aim for a vital point, all while making your will saves because a giant monster is charging you. I'm pretty sure most humans are still fucked.
- And the cocaine. Some of them also want that sweet cocaine.
- This is what a bear would say to lull us into a false sense of security.
  
  woah woah, bear with me here…

180 seconds feels extremely generous tbh
- Bear doesn't view something our size as even remotely a threat. We're assuming the bear isn't hungry and just not that interested.

What kind of bear is that wearing the sunglasses?
- Mama bear
- Honey bear.

Your survival time would depend on how far apart you and the bear are, how's fast you can run, and how angry or hungry the bear is.
- Polar bears hunt even when not hungry because of the general scarcity of food in their environment
- Polar bears can reach 25 mph, I don't see myself outrunning that.
- Don't run, you'll just die tired.
- Which is why gun ownership and carry is mandatory in some areas where Polar Bears are a risk.

Worked in Yellowstone for a summer.
Spent some time with the rangers. They got all sorts of questions...
Like which handgun caliber would be best to defend oneself from a bear.
Essentially, the ranger broke it down stating there was a weakness in the skull about the size of a bullet that you had to hit directly to have a chance of dropping a bear with a handgun. While its coming at you and pissed/hungry.
So essentially, you've just pissed off the bear before it gets it claws on you.
Well placed slugs from shotguns, rifle rounds, and preferably (according to the ranger in question) a tranquilizer to re-home the bear away from people. That being said, the bears are tracked to an extent and bears who show repeated behavior endangering themselves/tourists tend to be exterminated, sadly.
Hand to claw combat? Human is going down.
This is why in the past, when bears were hunted, they were hunted in their dens during hibernation - at the end of spears to keep that hungry bear as far away as possible from your soft easily rent flesh.
- Seriously emptying an entire .357 revolver or .44 wouldn't help? What about hollow point bullets?
  That's insaaaaneee
  
  It entirely depends on the bear species, but in general guns are a last resort defense against bears.
  Primary defense is avoidance and making it so they can avoid you. A bear will eat you, but is unlikely to hunt you. For most bears we're an unknown quantity so they'll avoid us, since other food is reasonably available with less risk.
  A bear has heavy fur, thick skin for storing winter fat deposits, and dense bones. While bullets will injure the bear and perhaps even kill it, it won't be enough to save you.
  Much like how hitting someone on the head with a glass bottle will hurt them, almost certainly injure them, and potentially kill them, the type of injury is likely to be a fractured skull or brain bleed. Extremely serious and deadly, but they have minutes of functionality and hours of bewildered stumbling before they black out.
  So it'll likely die... Later. For now you have a scared, confused and pissed off bear.
  I believe hollow points have less penetration power, so it might not even get through the hide. Other bullets will get through fine, but are unlikely to stop the bear dead.
- That reminds me of a dirty joke.
  Tourist: So, which would you recommend for self-defense against a grizzly: a hunting rifle, or a large-caliber pistol?
  Ranger: The pistol.
  Tourist: Really? Why's that?
  Ranger: Because it'll hurt less when the bear shoves it up your ass.
- rent flesh
  Are we still doing phrasing?

Tall snow doggos

*first floor windows don’t go nuts guys no way that lad is reaching all the way to the second floor
- Is the US the first floor is the ground floor, second floor is what is called the 1st floor in many other countries
  
  Or “Zeroth Floor”.
- Calling something a "second storey" just sounds weird, although at least because they spelt it "story" we know they mean in the US sense.
- 2층인데

Why's the black bear so sad?
- It's forced to play the humiliating role of smallest-by-comparison.
  
  ~~oh anf the human is just a little snack?~~
  I just realised its a photo not a drawing
- the grizzly is telling him "Ah, Jesus. I wish you could see this. Light's coming up. I've never seen a painting that captures the beauty of the ocean at a moment like this. I'm gonna make you rich, Bud Fox. Yeah. Rich enough, you can afford a girl like Darien. This is your wake-up call, pal. Go to work."

Motorcycle helmets are purposefully not-hard. Odd comparison.
- But they are pretty thick, since that means more impact-absorbing foam.

is the fear of this bear why we're so intent in melting the icecaps?

"I can take 'im. I got my AR-15. Hold my beer..."
"I don't know about this, Tommy..."
Don't puss out on me no..."
Crunch. Snap. Scream.
- This is truer than you know. Well, the killing a polar bear part.
  When Eskimos really got modern metallic cartridge firearms post WW2, they for some reason decided that the .223 Remington cartridge, (precursor of the 5.56 NATO round), was the best thing ever to hunt with. And you can be positive more than one polar bear got itself killed by the mommy of the the 5.56 NATO. And a bolt action rifle in .223 remains popular with them to this day.

Polar bears are very curious animals, so if you back away while slowly undressing they will stop to inspect each piece of clothing, giving you time to get away.
- They are also one of the few, next to tigers, land predators that actually have a taste for human blood. The nature of a polar bear thinks it can eat it then it will certainly try. You also absolutely cannot out run them.

Where's that "imma fight a gorilla" guy when you need him?

The bear in the mural does not look tall enough to look in a second story window. Is that a young one?

- In that kind of cold, body mass matters for keeping warm. You need to be bigger to survive and they aren't really over powered for their environment.

Are your second story windows at floor height?

Eeeep!

Be good if the other bears were standing up straight too
- They are, their arms just aren't raised.
  
  Idk they look slouchy, let's get em in the same pose

Still rather a bear than a man though, amirite?
- If you see a bear off trail, that's normal.
  If you see a man off trail, you are being followed.
  How hard is it to understand?
  It's not about which one women would rather fight, is about which one they would rather encounter when they expect to be alone.
  Also, the worst bears can do is maul you to death on the spot. The worst men can do is rape, torture, and maim you for weeks before killing you.
  
  Also, the worst bears can do is maul you to death on the spot. The worst men can do is rape, torture, and maim you for weeks before killing you.
  Damn, all that fanfiction I read from brother bear is just crumbling...
- Still mad about that one? xD
  
  Yeah, it hurt.
- In the woods. You don’t see polar bears in the woods.
- Yes, you are. At least bears aren't neckbeard incels.