Polar bears

- Snapping out of your fantasy as you're being eaten alive is a bad move.

Here is a black bear, a grizzly, and a polar bear.
And Marcie.

They may kill SEAL with a slap but how many polar bear slaps does it take to kill members of other special forces?
- That depends on the bear's tactical training, if the bear went through bootcamp then it's one slap, if the bear is also a SEAL then it's half a slap.
- One

Fighting bears isn’t that common of an encounter. I’d be more worried about deer and coyotes or even a single cougar than the off chance of encountering a bear. They will definitely fuck you up but it’s not like they are starting their day to be like “Imma go murder a human” in the same way other urban-adjacent animals are—I think they just wanna get that sweet sweet pick-a-nic basket.
dies from turkey assault
- Polar bears will absolutely try to hunt you. They'll eat anything that moves. The only way to deal with a polar bear is a gun.
- Moose are not to be trifled with either. If you accidentally put yourself between mama and baby, you’re gonna have a real bad time
- You mean there are single cougars in your local area ? I always thought these ads were lying
  
  There are enough of them that I no longer go in certain areas of the forest unless I'm armed. And I always have 2 arms on me at all times.
  
  Maybe the targeted advertising got your location wrong?
- And the cocaine. Some of them also want that sweet cocaine.

- In that kind of cold, body mass matters for keeping warm. You need to be bigger to survive and they aren't really over powered for their environment.

Bear is black, fight back.
Bear is brown, turn around.
Bear is white, say good night.
- Turn around is a bad idea
  If it's brown, lie down
  
  I had heard it as turn around, but lie down makes much more sense.
- Bear is white, say good night, and tuck it in and tell it a story. Once the bear has fallen asleep snuggle up to it, so it has a fresh morning snack.
- I remember somewhere they were saying you should remove your clothes (slowly piece by piece) with a polar bear. The bear will get distracted and start sniffing your clothes.
  I think it was a QI episode and then David Mitchell said something like that Polar Bear being happier in the fact that the human would be better to eat this time because it didn't have a wrapper.
  
  This works because polar bears are super horny. Its desire to rend you limb from limb will be replaced by overwhelming lust. Of course then you've got a completely different issue to deal with, but at least you might not die.
  
  That’s a myth perpetuated by the polar bears, they’re just perverts
  
  I think removing your clothes is just so the bear doesn't choke to death on your Nikes.
- Also.
  Some black bears are brown.
  Some brown bears are black.
  Good luck everyone.
  
  Polar bears have black skin. Polar bears are black bears.

What kind of bear is that wearing the sunglasses?
- Mama bear
- Honey bear.

Also, one of the few animals that will hunt humans for food
- Can’t blame them. They’re running out of options.

Another reference, this time in 3D:
Me, 6'4" 235lb, that's a full grown and a cub 1:1 statue
- And there was a time that humans with stone tools were like yep I can kill that
- That picture is not in 3D. Not at all.
  
  You have to use your 3D monocle for this one
- I could take the one on the fake boulder
  
  Id say you could even make it 5 feet with the thing before momma caught up and turned you into a fine red mist
- That cub will fuck me up
  
  It would.
  Off on a tangent, but relevant, I recently watched a video from a big cat trainer, and he stated that lion and tiger cubs are absolutely lethal at the age of 6 months. They can literally play with you to death.
  
  Whatever that little thing laying on the rock would fuck me up.
- I need a gummy bear for scale.
  
  Zoom in on my shirt, the ring around my neck is about the height and width of a gummy bear, or at least close enough to work as an average

Do not – and I really cannot stress this enough – give any of those bears cocaine
- instructions unclear, bears are now on pcp
  
  A gallon of pcp?
- Not even a little, bitty Pick-a-Nick key bump?
- So...
  
  Cocaine Bear 2: Land of the Fresh Powder.

180 seconds feels extremely generous tbh
- Bear doesn't view something our size as even remotely a threat. We're assuming the bear isn't hungry and just not that interested.

Fun fact: Grizzlies and Polar Bears are the same species according to the Biological Species Concept.
Meaning they interbreed in the wild (somewhat rare), and produce viable offspring that can have babies as well.
We’re actually noticing this happening more and more with climate change. As Grizzly populations move further and further north, they’re encountering polar bears more often and are more likely to mate. Some scientists actually think within the next couple centuries due to arctic sea ice pretty much disappearing polar bears will either go extinct, or interbreed with grizzlies so much that there isn’t a “pure” polar bear left. Most likely a mix of both.
- Fun fact: Grizzlies and Polar Bears are the same species according to the Biological Species Concept.
  Calling it that gives it too much credit, it is something thought up in the 17th/18th century without any concept of genetics and evolution.
  Which might explain why it breaks down almost instantly under any amount of scrutiny.
- So are Neanderthals and homo sapiens the same species then?
  
  Close enough that we probably helped bred them out of existence. Neanderthal genetic markers show up with some regularity in certain modern human populations.
  Edit to add: While humans didn't breed them out of existence, we certainly did intermix with them. And that does help to maintain their existence yet today.
- Hey, Mac! You still have that Halloween costume?
- Biologists wouldn't say they're the same species, because biologists are aware of interspecies hybrids and the species problem.
- Golar bears and Pizzley bears
  
  The number of confirmed hybrids has since risen to eight, all of them descending from the same female polar bear
  She has a type.
  
  Scary... Polar bears comming to my house! Slightly larger whiter Grizzlys still a problem.
- There are tons and tons and tons of species that can do this. It’s not clear to me what the prevailing species concept is nowadays, if we’re even still following one.
- In the near future, Polar Bears as a separate species will likely disappear, and we'll have all hybrids.

Your survival time would depend on how far apart you and the bear are, how's fast you can run, and how angry or hungry the bear is.
- Polar bears can reach 25 mph, I don't see myself outrunning that.
- Don't run, you'll just die tired.
- Polar bears hunt even when not hungry because of the general scarcity of food in their environment

I bet they gives good hugs :3
- It will keep you warm and cozy for the rest of your life!
  
  Great source of vitamin A!
- Only once

*first floor windows don’t go nuts guys no way that lad is reaching all the way to the second floor
- Is the US the first floor is the ground floor, second floor is what is called the 1st floor in many other countries
  
  Or “Zeroth Floor”.
- Calling something a "second storey" just sounds weird, although at least because they spelt it "story" we know they mean in the US sense.
- 2층인데

Motorcycle helmets are purposefully not-hard. Odd comparison.
- But they are pretty thick, since that means more impact-absorbing foam.

Tall snow doggos

is the fear of this bear why we're so intent in melting the icecaps?

"I can take 'im. I got my AR-15. Hold my beer..."
"I don't know about this, Tommy..."
Don't puss out on me kn...."
Crunch. Snap. Scream.
- This is truer than you know. Well, the killing a polar bear part.
  When Eskimos really got modern metallic cartridge firearms post WW2, they for some reason decided that the .223 Remington cartridge, (precursor of the 5.56 NATO round), was the best thing ever to hunt with. And you can be positive more than one polar bear got itself killed by the mommy of the the 5.56 NATO. And a bolt action rifle in .223 remains popular with them to this day.

Why's the black bear so sad?
- It's forced to play the humiliating role of smallest-by-comparison.
  
  ~~oh anf the human is just a little snack?~~
  I just realised its a photo not a drawing
- the grizzly is telling him "Ah, Jesus. I wish you could see this. Light's coming up. I've never seen a painting that captures the beauty of the ocean at a moment like this. I'm gonna make you rich, Bud Fox. Yeah. Rich enough, you can afford a girl like Darien. This is your wake-up call, pal. Go to work."

The bear in the mural does not look tall enough to look in a second story window. Is that a young one?

Eeeep!

Still rather a bear than a man though, amirite?
- If you see a bear off trail, that's normal.
  If you see a man off trail, you are being followed.
  How hard is it to understand?
  It's not about which one women would rather fight, is about which one they would rather encounter when they expect to be alone.
  Also, the worst bears can do is maul you to death on the spot. The worst men can do is rape, torture, and maim you for weeks before killing you.
  
  Also, the worst bears can do is maul you to death on the spot. The worst men can do is rape, torture, and maim you for weeks before killing you.
  Damn, all that fanfiction I read from brother bear is just crumbling...
- Still mad about that one? xD
  
  Yeah, it hurt.
- Yes, you are. At least bears aren't neckbeard incels.
- In the woods. You don’t see polar bears in the woods.

Be good if the other bears were standing up straight too
- They are, their arms just aren't raised.
  
  Idk they look slouchy, let's get em in the same pose