How the Abrahamic religions started

According to them:
Mutilating your genitals for sky daddy in your head- good and normal
Surgery to be your true self - Deranged
I hate this hell world.
- Job: "Thanks for giving me back everything you took from me in that bet with Satan, but can you please bring my dead family back to life?"
  God: "We haven't established that lore yet."
  
  God: I replaced them, what's your problem?

And they’ll keep on circumcising their sons while unironically screaming about anyone who respects trans rights being out to surgically mutilate all children. What a world.
- That seems somewhat antisemitic, if you ask me. Not all jews are anti-trans.
  
  Not all circumcised are Jews. Most aren’t in fact.
  
  They didn't say anything about jews being anti-trans.
  
  Sorry, m8. Here, I'll fix it.
  ~~trans rights~~
  palestinian rights
  There, should be kosher now.
  
  From what I understand it's also still the standard in the US. Originally popularised because it would keep boys from fondling themselves which, of course, would make Sky Daddy angry.
  But if that's not the case, I'd happily stand corrected by someone more knowledgeable on this topic.
  
  As a Jewish person the vast majority of religious Jews are extremely transphobic and also incredibly homophobic. So no its acturally not inaccurate at all, most Rabbis will genuenly complain about Trans people mutalating and indoctrinating people while doing that themselves.

Once you start learning about some newer iterations of Christianity like Mormonism and Seventh Day Adventism, where there are actual accounts of their prophets, you do realize how these people were either really good con artists or just insane.
- Why not both?

when one person believes a delusion, it's schizophrenia. when millions do, it's religion
- True, when enough people do something it gets normalised, no matter how crazy.
  They had it with opium, and we have this thing with the hard drug alcohol.

A lovely test of one's faith is whether they'll stab and burn their child on command.
By the way, if someone is constantly testing you, that's abusive. Run. Away.
- Gabriel: what else could a test to see whether someone would stab and burn a child possible be!?
  God: a test of obedience and faith!
  Gabriel: a test to see if someone has faith in voices in his head that tell him to murder children IS A PSYCHOPATH TEST!!
  God: well I'm sure there is something more psychotic than obeying murderous voices in your head
  Gabriel: well, I can't think of much
  omg 💀

Fun fact: Abraham goes up the mountain with his son but comes down alone, suggesting that in the original text he went through with the child sacrifice.
- The Bible has tons of edits like this, it's fun to spot them—and even more so to guess the intent behind them. Often when a seemingly irrelevant detail (or an entire chapter) is inserted in the middle of a story, that's an edit (although there are also genuine errors). In general, the Bible is not as well put-together as people tend to think. In this case, whoever wrote this wanted to make clear that Judaism does not condone human sacrifice, in contrast to other contemporary religions.
  Others (chiefly those who consider the text to be holy) interpret the pronoun change as indicative of an emotional separation between Abraham and his son, as if following these events they don't want to walk together any more.
  
  whoever wrote this wanted to make clear that Judaism does not condone human sacrifice, in contrast to other contemporary religions.
  I suspect that the addition of the lamb(goat?) Was a latter addition to distance Judaism from child sacrifice but that Judaism did evolve out of a religious tradition that practiced child sacrifice (and idolatry). But I'm also aware of how antisemites would love to slander modern Judaism with accusations in a similar vein, so it's a kinda difficult line to walk.

I'm pretty sure it started with some chick named Mary cheating on her spouse, and then "Uh, no, it's uh, it's... MAGIC! Yeah, I got pregnant from magic! But the magic was a person you see, named uhm, looks over at pet dog, named do- uh no, g-o-d, his name was God! God gave us a magic baby! Yay!"
- That's the new testament. Pretty modern and woke stuff compared to the old testament which is the common root of Abrahamic religions.
  
  And that tells a lot about the state of the whole thing, really.
- don't forget the part where she got her fiance/husband totally snookered and/or dosed with magic mushrooms or something; and then appeared to him pretending to be an angel telling him to shut the fuck up and go with it.
  (or maybe she got a friend to be the angel?)
  Edit: also, can we talk about how if the story is real... there was no chance that Mary could give meaningful consent?
  
  For religion rape is a feature not a bug
  
  Well, the whole virgin Mary is later stuff. Joseph was the father probably. If there was any Jesus at all - the "objective" historical mentions we get are not really very first-hand, so it's all kind of clouded.
- The power of women. She and few schizophrenics changed the whole society.
- Mary was a teenage girl that was being married off to an older man who was already widowed with children (at least, I think that’s the Catholic claim. “Perpetual virginity” and all that means that Jesus shouldn’t have siblings..)
  I think rationally she was a teenage girl that was raped by a Roman soldier, and considering that not being a virgin on your wedding night was the kind of thing that, at least on the books, could get you killed…
  If Mary lied, that was a really smart move.

Even as a child i used to hear this story and go “that’s fucked up. Why would god ask him to do that? What a psycho. And why would Abraham agree to do it?! If god is asking you to murder your own kid, maybe that god is shit”
- As a fun fact, some interpretations say that by binding Isaac and being ready to proceed, Abraham failed the test, either in the eyes of God or at the very least in the eyes of the author. The second verse has God saying (JPS Contemporary Torah)
  Take your son, your favored one, Isaac, whom you love […] [emphasis mine]
  And after stopping him, the angel (which is identified with God) says
  I know that you fear God, since you have not withheld your son, your favored one, from Me.
  The description of Abraham's love for Isaac is missing, despite identical phrasing (also in Hebrew) otherwise. It's as if God (or the author) is taunting Abraham.
  This also raises a concern about God's omniscience; he says "now I know that you fear God", as if he wasn't previously sure. There are many ways to resolve this, but the Bible is just very inconsistent everywhere.
- Why would a loving god torture people for eternity? I guess we'll never know.
  
  Why? Have you not played The Sims?

Whats even funnier is that in the original (Jewish interoperation) god does this as a joke. Yes god literally makes a bet with angels over if he'll acturally go through with it. Then said angels go down to earth to attempt to sway him because they wanted to win the bet.
- How exactly is the Jewish interpretation different from the Christian one? I thought the Christian Old Testament was identical to the Torah. I ask as someone who was raised Methodist.
  
  The Torah is only the first five books of the Old Testament. Depending on what branch of Christianity you go by, the Old Testament contains 39-49 books. But that's only a small nit.
  I've never heard of that particular interpretation of the Abraham story, being raised Catholic. I also can't find any sources that say that the Jews believe that the Abrahamic Covenant started as a joke between God and the angels, but then again my quick search might not have had the right keywords.
  
  I wouldn't trust anyone who misspelled interpretation twice.
  interpenetration
  
  The difference is that the Jewish interpenetration developed both before and after Christianity started, so its not really possible for them to be the same.

As they say, if you talk to God, that’s praying, but if God talks to you, that’s schizophrenia.
- If you talk to god, you are an idiot and if he talks to you, you are a schizophrenic idiot.
  
  If someone finds comfort in talking to God, then they're comfortable. If it produces a desirable result, then it's desirable.
  Calling others morons for disagreeing with their way of life, however, solves nothing. I was a Reddit atheist at one point, and I'm glad I'm no longer one.

I'm just wondering what kind of parents name their kid Abraham. Like "We're gonna name him after that guy. Yes, that one."
And then he grows up and frees the slaves. Go figure.

I was never raised religiously. My first exposure to the Bible was the lego comic the brick testament. It was batshit insane as a kid and it's batshit insane now
- This is my favorite retelling of Genesis.
- Which is why we need and adult rated HBO type series of the old testament. I really want the episode on Samsung.

Not sacrificing his son is actually a late edit, this is known because through though they changed the text to an angel stopping him, it still preserved the original language that describes ''THEY went up the mountain'' and ''HE came down the mountain''
- There’s evidence that ancient Israelites, like most other cultures in that area, practiced human sacrifice.
  Elsewhere in the Bible, Jepthah sacrifices his daughter in Judges 11. No angels intervene.

Well hey, when your invisible friend says kill, you kill.

Not to mention that those same 4 billion people are convinced that it is an act of love. Their god would be abusive as fuck if it existed.
- The act of Love was that after demonstrating his commitment, God allowed him to dip out at the last second and sacrifice a goat instead.

And then God was all like "It was just a joke dog. Why you gettin' all triggered?"
- Just Joshua-ing ya, bro.

Religion is a helluva drug.

"Old man listens to cloud" is an even scarier headline.

i read an interesting article the other day about how some neurodivergencies gave rise to religion in primitive human communities. i wish i still had it, very interesting.

All religions suck. Even if you make a religion that's normal, people will make it weird.

The most important question: which child did he try to kill? Was it Isaac, the son he fathered with his barren wife? Or was it Ishmael, the son he fathered with his wife's handmaiden?
- Adam and Eve were the first humans.
  They beget Cain and Abel.
  Cain kills Abel.
  Then he wanders around, meets his wife and builds a city ???
  Most of the bible makes no sense, except in a symbolic way.
- In Islam, iirc, it’s Ishmael. Islam traces a lot back to Hagar and Ishmael - one of the stops on the Hajj is the spring that God made to keep Hagar alive when Sarah drove her out.