conflicting urges

The style you are looking for is called pastel goth. You don't have to choose one or the other

Black and hot pink look amazing together.

You don't have to pick one, you can decide your aesthetic every day. Sure, not hair length and colour, but you can style your hair, nails, makeup, and outfits anew as often as you like. I personally do both of those styles every once in a while (but rarely, since they're both pretty high fem and I often prefer androgyny).