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  • Oh, horrifyingly hard. Hate it. Makes me cry. Hate that too, which makes me cry.

    Vicious cycle.

    • It is hard Rebekah I used to be horrendous at it. We just aren't taught or encouraged to do it, and there can be bad consequences when we do it. Do you know what lead to you struggling with it?

  • Its very difficult, I have been beaten down my entire life. My entire life ive been told that I am awful and disgusting, every person in my childhood who was supposed to "protect" me did very little more than enforce their idea of me. Every time I try to enforce my own idea of myself im called unhinged. Now I just feel empty and depressed.

    • I get that kittenz, it's hard when we've been told our very being is awful and disgusting. We can't help but take that into ourselves and believe it. It's no surprise you feel empty and depressed constantly swimming just to stay afloat is exhausting. Lean on us we're here

  • I think I am perceived as assertive, but I think it's just a rigidity in my mindset that leads to certain compulsive behaviors that translate to people mistaking me for being assertive. Usually if "assertiveness" is happening it's more like I'm essentially throwing a controlled tantrum because something has gone very wrong.

    In reality I am so conflict-averse that I'll let a problem become huge before addressing it with someone, and I rarely feel entitled to stand up for myself. I'm often so shy and soft spoken people can't hear me. I have such a low opinion of myself that I often won't even attempt certain tasks that I am intimidated by, on the assumption that I will never succeed.

    At work I try to be more assertive, and my partner often pushes me to be more assertive in some situations. It's hard, but I do feel like I'm improving - at work I have less catastrophic thinking now and I'm more likely to just work a task to completion rather than spiral in self doubt when I run into major roadblocks.

    • Being conflict averse is something a lot of women struggle with. Have you always struggled with it?

      • Yes, as far as I can remember. I experienced what is called "adverse childhood experiences" growing up, so that might have played a role 😅 I was actually forced by a stepparent to be more assertive, I would be criticized or punished for not speaking loudly enough or confidently enough. (Later, I was also criticized for appearing too confident and authoritative - there was no way to be right or safe.)

        So I would say I struggled with assertiveness and then was sorta trained to overcome it, which resulted in becoming an unpleasantly critical person who is by nature shy but under stress can react with critical correctiveness that comes across as assertive. But I don't particularly like being that way, it's not exactly the same as being self-confident or assertive, it's awful.

  • Easy. I've been told that I'm assertive in a diplomatic way. I'm nice but if I'm not okay with something then I will make that known

    • Assertive in a diplomatic way is a really good skill! What tips do you have to share with women that aren't great about it?

      • I try and use positive language whenever I can, but in a way that still gets my point across. Be clear about what you want or are not okay with without using accusatory or negative wording, establish boundaries and be honest about how you feel! Use "I" statements (ie, "I disagree with that" rather than "you're wrong") and try to keep a calm but confident tone. It's something that requires practise but over time it should come more naturally!

  • Extremely. I don't care what ppl think and if that makes some one think I'm a bitch, first of all I don't care and second of all they need to get thicker skin.

28 comments