9h ago

How can people so mean?

I just entered a text message chat from the group of students of my course, and after talking a there over some days with a sophomore (most of the chat was just me interacting) someone said "wow, the freshmen are really getting acquainted, writing shit and what else". That was so out pocket, closed the app and now I am ranting here, is this still kind of behavior normal in your uni/country? Its so bizarre, the guy was just sophomore. EDIT: thanks everyone for the replies, I appreciate them, I think there's some grow on my part to be done, because this seems to be way more common than I think. Welp, kinda of a bummer anyway.

22 comments

I genuinely have no idea what it is that you're complaining about. Could you perhaps clarify in an edit?

“wow, the freshmen are really getting acquainted, writing shit and what else”.
... I don't get it? How's that mean?
- I mean, I am maybe somewhat sensitive, but its just an unnecessary comment when other person doesn't know you personally, I am already used to getting trash on the internet, never received comment like that before even in HS when the other person clearly knows you personally.
  Maybe I should add that the whole chat was just me and another sophmore
  
  I also don’t see how it’s mean. Why don’t you two private chat tho

Are you trying to have non school related convos? People are nice if you do that but they generally dont want to do that, im ngl ive called some ppl out for that, like do not blow up our phones and make us uncomfortable, if you think someone enjoys talking to you, text them seperately. (this could not pertain to you, more like ppl asking where the parties are at and what everyones doing, we're not in a group out of choice we are not about to share where we live)
- This, don't interact with your classmates or co-workers unless it's strictly necessary and business-related is what I've learned. Everybody has their cliques and communities outside of these spaces. It's as unacceptable as approaching people on the street and could constitute harassment. As a neurodivergent person this boggles my mind because the neurotypicals always talk about community and whatnot and socializing and approaching people but all of this is just one of their bizarre contradictions, they don't actually want to connect with other random human beings, they only want to talk about how they can't.
  
  I mean it was a group chat not focused on studies and other people were already sending memes and workout tips there, so I don't really know what I did wrong. Like, it just bothered me, and I am a bit sad that even something so small could bother me,
- It was a general chat where some people were already sending memes and so on, theres a separate group chat dedicated to studies, and its pretty dead most of the time, after some hours since I stopped talking there and no one is writing anything, so I don't really get it why exactly I receive that, he was probably being pranky or something

Best thing to do for things like that is let them just roll off. Either don't respond and engage, or simply reply something like "Uh, yup, I guess so, why?" Make them explain it without asking them to explain it. It would for sure go something like:
You: "Yeah I guess so, why?"
Oh I just think it's funny that freshman just are so excited to take part
You: "I am excited to take part, is that funny?" or "I am excited to take part, this is my favorite subject" - Make them feel guilty for trying to call you out.
Now all of a sudden they're the ones called out, and you didn't even do it. Shuts that shit down real quick. Note that you didn't defend yourself, you didn't get defensive, you didn't even play into their "joke". So what if you're excited! If you're in America you're paying 10s of thousands of dollars to be there, why be apathetic about it. Then cross your fingers that someone else says "Me too!" and the jerk just quietly fades away.
That sort of interaction will all of a sudden make them obviously a jerk for saying it, and they'll try to backtrack or something but you'll just play it off like it's nothing, and move on. Meanwhile everyone else will be thinking "Wow they were an asshole for saying that" to you.
- I replied with "well, its just me I suppose", but I guess misplayed "one year older lol", anyway, thanks! I will just think it was some sort of shitpost and move on and just not talk there if its not necessary. I feel like a snowflake for being bothered by this lol
  
  Eh it bothers us too, but as you go through college you'll realize more and more that unlike grade school you don't need to care about other people's opinions. That person is just a dick and make it very obvious, so you know you don't want to spend time with them. Vs high school where you're more or less forced into close quarters with them daily.
  I think that's one of those skills that we adults just pick up slowly, not giving a shit. I remember being your age and being the same way, I was personally very emotional and took things very personally. As I grew up I guess I just learned with experience to not care. It's a skill we all kind of learn, it's just not very fun learning it.

If I’ve learned anything as an American living in the US where people constantly talk to each other like shit, it’s that skipping past their commentary and ignoring it entirely is your best approach. If you give those folks even an inch, they think they’ve achieved something. People that offer nothing of value to a conversation while trying to get a rise should not be acknowledged. It hurts them more to be relegated to obscurity.
- Its just that I thought that the people from my course would be different, idk its a undergrad math course from a selective uni, but not true I guess. Regardless, thanks for the advice! 💚

22 comments