4d ago

Is this a sign of mental illness or just asshole behavior?

My sister Lena’s friend (they are no longer friends actually) Ashlyn (14) seems to have an inflated ego. She thinks she’s better than everyone else and puts people down to prove it.

She specifically targets Lena because she’s there with her and Lena seems to be her scapegoat when something goes wrong. She takes her anger out on Lena and scolds her when something happens (ex: if someone drops something, she screams “Dammit Lena!”). One time, she went to our house to visit Lena and said “I SWEAR TO GOD LENA. I SWEAR I’LL KILL YOU” but then told me she was joking.

She says several racial slurs and the K-word and such to people as well because “she has the right as a black person”, even though she’s not just saying the N word.

I remember once she tried to “ruin Lena’s life” because Ashlyn apparently had a boyfriend or something but was being romantic with another guy. The first guy eventually found out and broke up with Ashlyn. This made her mad that Lena asked if she was still with the first guy (not knowing he found out and broke up).

I tried mediating something with Lena and Ashlyn in the past, but Ashlyn told me “It’s just the way I am, I’m neurodivergent with mental illnesses.”

So yeah, I’m at least very glad that Ashlyn won’t be coming to our house for a while.

20 comments

K-word
A what? Korea? Kick? Ku-Klux-Klan?
- “Kike”
  
  Black people do not have the right to use slurs against other groups, White, Jewish or otherwise. They only really have a right to "their" slurs when the recipient is ok with it.
  Kareem Abdul-Jabbar called out the general acceptance of antisemitism and double standard within the Black community a few years ago.
  This person is just hateful and is using whatever justification they can to keep being hateful.
  
  Try to not be so cryptic next time. Just put words you don't like in the quotation marks so it is clear these are not your words.

Neurodivergence doesn’t cause assholish behavior. Even something like narcissistic personality disorder doesn’t necessarily mean you’re an asshole; and many can and do learn to be better.
So while she may be neurodivergent, and may have a mental illness (the two are not the same,); she’s also just an asshole.
- agreed

It sounds like a person with an aura for drama. Cut her out of your kids life, if she doesn't bring peace and caring for her friend? Why have her around?

It’s just the way I am, I’m neurodivergent with mental illness
That’s… idiotic and childish. I mean, it’s a kid, so the childish part makes sense.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. Even if she’s borderline, that doesn’t mean she’s an incurable asshole.
Edit: id add that nobody can diagnose someone online. It takes a thorough evaluation. Gun to my head, I’d say borderline but ¯(ツ)_/¯
- She did suspect herself to have bipolar disorder but then said the symptoms didn’t seem accurate, borderline may be correct but I’m clearly no doctor.
  I perhaps should add she can’t seem to admit her mistakes or being wrong, she thinks she’s better than others and views herself to be “me against the world”/“us against the world (with her other friend Anabel)” /“surrounded by idiots/useless people”.
  
  She should go see a professional counsellor, not self-diagnose and use it as an excuse. Seems like she’s mostly lonely and attention-seeking from this side of the Internet.

What's the K-word?
EDIT: To answer my own question, I think they mean "kike" which supposedly is an antisemitic slur directed at jewish people. I've never even heard that term before.
- Instantly knew what OP meant.
  Gods. I feel older every single day.
- I believe it's in American history X. But yeah, not overly common. When I saw K-word, I was thinking ki*e or Karen haha.
- I’ve never heard the word either until I misspelled “like” on a post and someone told me to edit it because I said a slur
- Thanks. It was in the film Drive, that’s my only knowledge of it.
- Suddenly that old Miyazaki classic is a lot less charming.

Maybe try asking !needadvice@lemm.ee ?
Also, not a psychologist, but it sounds like it could be both.

Really depends on whether or not you think adolescence is a mental illness or just a really nasty period (pun semi-intended) to live through. Sounds like Ashlyn has additional emotional issues that could be rooted in being a black girl in a white world, or having a demanding parent, or whatever. She needs help from a knowledgeable adult. Taking it out on Lena is not going to help either of them. Maybe ask Lena what she feels about it, if she knows what the root problem is, and if she wants to continue the friendship. It might make a difference to Lena to know you are there for her.
- Thank you! Lena doesn’t know the problem, she told me Ashlyn either says it’s the way she is and no one can change it, or that they deserve it because she’s better.

Not sure if it’s mental illness but she certainly needs a counselor.

20 comments