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  • Wasn't able to refill my Adderall for several days, got it today. Lot of walking through fog, but it's been weirdly positive. I was able to have some very useful conversations.

    Now I have to catch up on things that fell on the wayside during the fog days.

    • I'm also playing Mind Over Magic, a magical school colony sim game by the people who did Don't Starve (IIRC).

  • A new thought. I keep reading about dictatorships and fascism and now my anti-depressants are doing some heavy lifting. Reading about Nicaragua, reading about Germany, and now just did a quick peruse of Belarus. And then I look at the US and I'm like... maybe I should read books about nations that recovered from fascism...

  • Pretty amazing. Just got back from a ski trip to Park City. The skiing was great, and I saw a juvenile moose and its mom just below me while on a chairlift, and a bobcat ran right out in front of me on the Boa run in Canyons. Absolutely made my day to see all that wildlife!

  • I'm from Philly, it was madness! Entertaining madness at least. Folks were riding horses around and everything. People screaming, honking their horns and stuff. I forgot how we can get. Outside of that, I loved the halftime show! I'm so proud of Kendrick!

    • I keep saying if we can't have anything this fucking year... at least we can have the halftime show.

  • I just feel emotionally fragile. My friend who told me we were through changed his mind and apologized. I understand what he's going through because I've been there too, but I can't shake the feeling everyone's a step away from dropping me. He can apologize for shutting me down and explain how he actually meant it kindly, but I still feel like the most annoying person on the planet.

    I have a D&D game with a new group coming up, as well as a queer matchmaking event. The thought of both are making me kind of sick. I've had multiple friendships end in a slow drama spiral. I read so much about conflict resolution and de-escalation and still, I say my piece and the other person starts ranting about how much they hate themselves and how they shouldn't be my friend.

    I just keep missing how my friend group used to be. After the vaccine became available in the US, we all took a big trip together and it was one of the nicest memories of my life. We talked about doing more trips in the future. Now I don't know where I stand with any of them.

    I'll probably suck it up but I'm tempted to cancel both events. I really want companionship but I can only imagine myself ruining people's self esteem.

    • That really sucks. I've been the mediator friend for a lot of friendship networks and sometimes it's so exhausting to feel like the only thing keeping people and relationships together. 🫂

      It sounds like some of your friends have a lot of self-loathing and they should work on that. While you can encourage them, it's important to know that it's not your job to help everyone around you love themselves. They have to do that work, because otherwise it won't actuallyheal.

      It's a lot to put on other people, and all to often people don't even realize they're doing it. Sometimes I think people feel like other people will just only engage at a level they're comfortable with, not realizing there are people out there who will treat it as a duty or responsibility to deal with anything a friend presents them.

      Because my medley of neurodivergence and trauma will always tell me to help a friend, at any cost. I have to work hard to not do that.

      Don't forget to take time for yourself.

    • Have you heard of 7 cups? It's a lovely community for folks working on their mental health. I have two therapists and started medication now and it's getting my mental state in line, finally. But before all of that I found 7 cups helpful. (https://www.7cups.com/)

  • Received amazing news the other day. However, I need to back up a little bit in order to explain. My wife and I decided to move to Maine 13 years ago after learning it was our best option for raising children. The cold of winters did not, initially, bother me. Over the past 5 winters it has become increasingly difficult dealing with the cold. Physically I can no longer tolerate January/February as I once did. The cold causes me pain in my joints. I have very little body fat so that doesn't help. Also, I love to be outdoors and the cold prevents me from it.

    My children are no longer in need of me being around all the time (they can take care of themselves now). So, for the past couple of years I took a week in the middle of January and flew around the USA to visit with family/friends. This did provide me with a significant mental/emotional break in order to get through the winter. Unfortunately, travel is incredibly expensive so that had to be shelved. This has caused me to become depressed this winter...feeling trapped (cabin fever) and no solution in sight.

    And then out of nowhere my biological brother tells me that he'll be moving from the Atlanta Georgia area to either Providence RI or the Boston MA area. He'll be making this move within the next 8-10 months. That will place him in either a 3 or 4 hour drive from my home. So, starting next winter I'll be able to take several breaks from the harsh Maine winters by driving to stay with my brother. When my brother told me about his plans to move I had to sit down because I thought I was going to faint. Then I cried tears of joy for the next ten minutes.

  • Oh, right. Some football was played yesterday. I'm just in a holding pattern waiting on the universe to provide next steps by trying to reach out to as many people as possible.

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