Anon experiences German humor

Another one from Saxony.

A man drives his car to the junkyard, looking for replacement parts. He greets the owner and asks:
"Windshield wiper for a Trabant?"
The junkyard owner thinks for a moment, then replies:
"Sure, sounds like a fair exchange."

In case people are wondering: it's indeed a german joke.

It's a pun. "meet" and "hit" are using the same word in german

I used to work with a couple Czech dudes. One day my coworkers and I were badgering the one dude to tell us a Czech joke. He was pretty reluctant because he said he could only really think of one joke but wasn't sure it would translate well. When he finally told us the joke he got us with this masterpiece.

Two balloons are floating along, one says to the other and hey look a cactus.

All of us were confused by this, he told us it was much funnier in Czech because balloon and cactus sound similar so it's a pun. So we had him tell us the joke untranslated in Czech and balloon and cactus sound nothing alike.

I'm still not sure if this dude was fucking with us.

I gonna explain the the joke in the picture.

The German joke is "Treffen sich zwei Jäger, beide Tot."

THW important word is "treffen". It can mean "meet" and "hit"(with a weapon). depending on the context

In the early 80s, American scientists and engineers produced the smallest precision drill bit ever created. With great pride and fanfare, they sent it to their West German colleagues for study and reproduction.

Just days later, the engineering team received a parcel. In it, a note: "Thank you for letting us test our equipment" and the original drill bit with a hole drilled through its center.

Two Bulgarians are driving through the countryside when they are pulled over by an officer. "Sorry to bother you", says the officer, "but I'm looking for two child molesters."

The Bulgarians look at each other for a moment, turn to the officer, and with a solemn nod say

"We'll do it."

To explain the joke, as is tradition in Germany. "To meet" translates to "treffen" in German. Which can also mean "to hit something or somebody".

Once had a multicultural family gathering where we translated the same joke into several languages.

A man knocks at a door. A woman opens and he says: "Hello, my name is Toulouse. I'm here to fuck your daughter." The woman screams: "To what?!?" He answers calmly: "Toulouse."

Oh I can do German-style comedy too, but as an American.

A Democrat and a Republican walk into a bar. They fight and both die in the hospital. Their families have to each pay $80,000 for medical expenses, then both families sue the bar. The bar closes, the owner divorces, spirals into alcoholism, and commits suicide. Then the funeral director buys a new house.

The farmer and the farmhand are out in the field working. Suddenly the sky closes in and it looks like rain. The farmhand says to the farmer: "If we don't hurry now, we'll get soaked here." The farmer says to the farmhand: "Then go into the house and get my wellies!" The farmhand says: "Why me? Why don't you get your wellies yourself?" The farmer looks at the farmhand angrily and asks: "Who’s the farmer? Who’s the Farmhand?"

The farmhand goes into the house in a rage. The farmer's wife and her pretty daughter are sitting at the kitchen table. The farmhand says to the two of them: "The farmer said you two should get naked so I can fuck you." The two women look at each other. The farmer's wife is surprised: "No, I don't believe that. The farmer would never say something like that, would he?" "Yes, he would," says the farmhand. "But I can ask again just in case." He goes to the kitchen window and opens it. The farmer's wife has followed him and is standing next to it. The farmhand shouts out into the field: "Farmer, both of them?" The farmer looks at the window and shouts back: "Both of course, you idiot!"

Translated Hungarian joke:

The Székely and his son go into the forest to cut trees. When cutting a tree, the son says:

"Goodbye, my beloved father."

"Why are you saying a farewell to me?", asks the Székely.

"Because the tree is falling on you."

One of my favorite Filipino jokes:

Why didn't the priest go swimming in the ocean? Because it's salt water.

"Salt water" in Tagalog can be translated as "tubig asin," which sounds like the English "too big a sin." Many Filipino jokes rely on Tagalog and English like that.

Here's another (putting original Tagalog because it's kind of relevant):

May joke ako tungkol sa airport kaso NAIA ako eh hehe.

English:

I have a joke about the airport, but I am NAIA (Ninoy Aquino International Airport) hehe.

NAIA sounds like "nahiya," which means "shy," so it would sort of translate to "... but I was shy."

This is a kids pun joke that got lost in translation. Treffen can mean either to meet or to hit (like with a bullet).

Want a funny German joke? Why don't ants go to church? Because they're insects!

One translated from Norwegian:

"Once upon a time... But now it's a corridor"

I'll supply the original and an explanation:

"Det var en gang... Men nå er det en korridor"

"Det var en gang" is literally "It was a time/an instance", and it's the main way every fairytale starts in Norwegian. But "gang" could also mean hallway.

An angry Ontarian calls a radio show, and complains about all the Newfies coming to Ontario to take the good jobs. "We aughta build a wall to keep them Newfies out!"

Next call to the radio show is a newfie: "Owshegettinonb’y? Ye by's be havin' any jobs bildin tha' wall or wha'?"

(How are you doing? You guys have any jobs building that wall, or what?)

German humour is no laughing matter!

Québécois and a French learning Ontarian having a chat. The Ontarians goes - o look a fly, Québécois corrects him- A fly. O - wow you have good eyesight. Wregarde, un mouche- -Non, une mouche

These two are from Romania, specifically about people from Ardeal (the region encompassing Transylvania) - which means they're aimed at the fact that people from Ardeal are slow (haha, so funny, Southerners...):

1. John and George were out on the field sewing all day and were heading back to the village. Suddenly, it starts raining fiercely, so they huddle under some walnut trees and decide to spend the night there in case it wouldn't let up.

Later on, while sleeping, George is suddenly woken up by a foul smell. "John.," he said softly, "did you fart?"

"No, George, must've been the dog."

"Oh, ok."

A couple of minutes pass, then George suddenly has a realisation: "John, the dog isn't here, though..."

"Oh, don't worry," says John half asleep, "I'm sure it'll turn up eventually."

2. John, George and Mary were at the bus stop, waiting for the bus. They've been there for half an hour, sitting.

"The bus isn't coming," John says softly.

After a couple of minutes, George replies matter-of-factly: "it'll come, I'm telling you."

A few more minutes pass, then Mary chimes in: "if you two keep arguing, I'm walking home."

What's yellow, and waiting? Jonathan.

A dog walks into a bar and says "I can't see a thing. I'll open this one."

Those ancient Sumerians sure knew how to make some knee-slappers.

«done is done said the moose and walked over the river and became a reindeer.»

in norwegian done rhymes with deer, and reindeer rhymes with clean.

That's sadly the funniest German joke I've ever heard, I mean the punchline is there, but the set-up isn't, meaning it's closer to what I recognize as a joke than most Germanic Humor.

Edit: Nope, funnier German jokes are in this comment chain, I'm in a good mood today

Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

It's a bit like the shortest joke: A woman comes at the doctor....

Or in German: Kommt 'ne Frau beim Arzt...

This one works well in German and English, but I assume it's untranslatable in many other languages.

Girl goes to a store and asks: "do you sell pantyhoses?". The salesman replies: "why? Do you have half an ass?"

The pot is lauging because the boiler is black.

Funnybot, is that you?

Here a joke my english teacher always told us:

What says a Saxon in New York when he wants a Christmas tree? .

A tännchen, please.

The saxon "a tännchen" sounds in english like: attention

Like 90% the "jokes" I heard growing up I couldn't translate without getting banned for racism.

Like automodded, racism. Basically the "punchline" was often the n-word.