Jesus Christ, Lavern!

"I am hee hee" - Michael Jackson
- 😂😂
- Shamona!
- Fuck you and take my upvote
- This is in poor taste... What does that say about me for laughing at it?
  
  silly? sure... poor taste? idk, this is c/facepalm, not some theology discussion forum
  
  Why is it in poor taste?

In the near-future the Bible will be banned for spreading "Socialist Values" and being "Too Woke"
- Eh, I'm fine with it. The death of Christianity will be a net good for humanity, so I'll take whatever gets us closer to that.
  
  All three Abrahamic religions need to die.
  
  Have you seen the kinds of cultish grifts New Agers AND New Atheists alike have been on? Nature abhors a vaccuum.
  Just saying I don't want the Spirit Science guy calling the shots on major holidays
- I think a school in Texas already did that to troll all of the "Christian parents caring about traditional values".
- Conservapedia was rewritting the bible... its very christian of them.
  
  Didn't that get taken over by others and turned into self-parody?
  
  Wait, what?
- I think it's actually in the project 2025 list of books to ban.
- If evangelicals could read, they would be very upset at your comment.
- Most of it's pretty oppressive. They just need to take out the stuff Jesus said to eliminate all the wokeness.
- I’m not necessarily against this idea.
- The churches back in the day, before Martin Luther's reforms, before the Bible could be printed in local languages, very much enjoyed their complete monopoly on the Word of God
  They could say whatever they wanted
  I suspect a successful ban of the Bible would give them that back.
  Though it would be impossible to actually ban and all a ban could do is make the book more desirable to read. It might push people towards the online annotated, hyperlinked editions of the book such as the skeptic's annotated Bible

It’s so sad that no one has read the fucking Bible.
- Would an appropriate response to these people be RTFM?
  
  As a progressive Christian, that's something I want to say almost everytime I read somethung written by an Evangelical.
- It’s easier to thump a bible when it’s closed.
  
  I’ve never heard this before and I love it thanks for sharing that.
  
  That's perfect, I'm gonna use that!
- Not even the Bible. Have these people seriously not heard the words him and her prior to three years ago? Do they really think they are new words?
  
  It's not that they haven't heard the words "him" and "her," it's that they haven't heard the word "pronoun." They don't know what it means, and think that it's something the trans community made up.
  
  I mean perhaps we shouldn't steelman these people but that is obviously not what they're talking about when they complain about pronouns. But at the same time it's quite possible that many of them are seeing the word "pronoun" for the first time in their lives and have no concept of what it actually means.
- Nah, fewer people should read it
  
  I mean, most Christians haven't and they still exist. The only people I know who've read the whole thing are now 1) Not religious, or 2) Actively working in a church.
  
  Dude it’s probably the most important and influential text of the western world. Everyone should read just to understand how it informs our current context. Not believing the bible and urging people to not read it is a similar level of ignorance to someone who believes in it and has never read it.
- Many self proclaimed Christians have not read the Bible , and are appallingly ignorant of the bulk of it.
  And when they do know the stories like the good Samaritan, they don't live it.
  Wealthy Christians should not exist.
  
  Hey, one of the underlying premises to that story is prejudice towards Samaritan's, and they understand the prejudice very well
  
  "Many self proclaimed Christians have not read the Bible , and are appallingly ignorant of the bulk of it."
  Yeah, no kidding. A good example: Watch this clip from 3:52 to 4:05: https://youtu.be/Vr3ZNvv0aco?t=232
  (here's what was said if you don't want to watch it, but watching it is much funnier than reading it:
  Magat Lady: I think it is time where God is separatin' the sheeps from the goats.
  Donie: Which are you?
  Magat Lady: I am a, uh ... I'm a goat! 'Cause I ain't a sheep! I'm not doin' what they tell me to do!
  Donie: Hm.
  I so so much wanted Donie (the interviewer) to go "Bzzzzzzzzzt!" I'm sorry, the answer was 'sheep'. 'Sheep' is what God was looking for there. I'm afraid you've been disqualified."
- Because it's a terrible fiction story book
  
  There's good along with the bad. A lot has to do with what translation you're looking at, and from what context. It's definitely ideally more like food for thought than explicit infallible instructions, though.
  It is particularly galling that basically the me main reoccurring themes, are also the most studiously ignored lesson, which in my opinion are "mind your own business, be as kind as you can, and you are not qualified to judge people." Republicans essentially behave in the complete opposite manor.
  
  A guy called Wangerin “rewrote” the Bible as an historical epic novel. It’s quite a good read in that genre by all accounts - loads of action, loads of characters. (Obviously I’d file the book under fiction but other book seller policies may vary.)
- I've never read it and I'm doing fine
- "It's too long, too big, and too many of em'."
- There's so many translation errors anyway, iirc the oldest known version says essentially "I am the living god".

They must have amnesia. They forgot that I'm HIM.
- Flipped a whole brick into an empire, stop playing with me.
  
  I was flippin' bricks for Mansa Musa back before y'all were even a type 1 civilization
  
  This SHIT ain't NOTHI'N to me, man.

And even if Jesus didn’t, who gives a flying fuck?
- Yeah, I dream of having this whole debate behind us, and it will look as weird to people as having religion in our ID like they had it in the 30s looks to us now.
  
  Pronouns have nothing to do with your genitals according to modern interpretation.
  
  You know, they never stopped you from calling everyone 'they/them' and using their name

"I am He"
Jesus
John 18:5
Brandon
- "I am He"
  Jesus
  John 18:5
  Brandon
  rivalarrival@lemmy.today
  
  Michael Scott

Every time I see a bumper sticker that says "What Would Jesus Do?" or the shorter "WWJD?"...
I'm like "Well he wouldn't have drove a car for one, they didn't even exist."
- He had a Honda, but didn't like to talk about it.
  “For I did not speak of my own Accord” - John 12:49
  My guess is it was probably slightly dinged with a coffee can muffler with a "co-exist" bumper sticker, and missing a hubcap.
  
  Should have gone with Toyota
  
  Sorry honey, I had to crash the Honda.
- All these people saying Jesus is my copilot or asking him to take the wheel neglect the fact that he would be a terrible driver and had like no sense of direction. Dude couldn't even stay dead right.
  
  Jesus walked into a hotel, put three nails on the counter and said "Can you put me up for the night?"
- A highschool boy has very long hair. His conservative parents tell him that he's not getting his driver's license unless he cuts his hair. The young man protests, saying "but Jesus had long hair". The father responds "yes, but Jesus walked everywhere he went".