What is your special interest?

I have so many interests that it seems impossible to pinpoint one particular interest. My mind is very active and chaotic, partly due to anxiety. I often try to fill an existential void with chaos and randomness.

That said, I would say that mathematics is one of my main interests, especially the branch of mathematics that intersects with the artistic and experimental. Tinkering with numbers, without a definite purpose (because there is no purpose in my nihilistic mindset), just for the joy of it. There is also programming, which serves as a framework for the mathematical experimentation that I mentioned.

Then there's also the philosophical reflection, as noted in my parenthetical mention of nihilism. I don't really know if I really enjoy philosophical inquiries into the reality of existence or if it is a consequence of an existence alienated from a social life, perhaps it started as a consequence of my awkwardness until it eventually became part of my interests.

There is also occult and esoteric studies. Perhaps a consequence of "gazing into the abyss" which sparked my curiosity in dealing with the darker aspects of reality. There is something about beliefs like Satanism, Luciferianism (as a side note, they are different beliefs, for those who oversimplify and think they are all "the same" because "devil"), Chaos Magic, Thelema, there is something there that is attractive to me. The hidden truths of reality, the shadows within ourselves, the cosmic forces that emerged from the primordial chaos. I really like them all, although I don't really belong to any specific belief system.

And this leads me to scientific interests as well. Particularly studies on the cosmic aspects, quantum mechanics, studies on the origins of the universe, thermodynamics, zero energy universe theory, studies on how everything will end (Big Rip, Big Freeze, Big Crunch...). I don't really delve into the technical depths of science because I'm not a scientist, but it is part of the framework of how I try to see things.

In a summary, I have many, intertwined, sometimes even opposing, simultaneous interests.