Sixes
Sex with another person was in some ways disappointing when compared to masturbation and porn. I value emotional intimacy and you can't get that by masturbating, but if OP is interested purely in physical pleasure then he may in fact be better off on his own. Obviously your mileage may vary - lots of other people do enjoy casual sex so I guess they must get more than I would from it.
(I'm single now but in case a future partner sees this: you're different and I definitely enjoy sex with you more than anything else.)
Heeyyyy, it's me, your future partner...
That is ArbitraryValue not spez.
Idk, my physical pleasure is heightened by sharing it with my SO. The more I please them, the more I get into it and the better the whole experience is. If both partners are focused on maximizing the others' pleasure, it's way better than just doing it yourself.
The physical pleasure of sex is way better for you? I would call what you're describing emotional intimacy, and I certainly enjoy the warm feeling of bonding with a partner through sexual contact, but for me that is a pleasure distinct from physical pleasure.
Cope. Also, thinking that casual sex is the standard is self defeating if pleasure is the goal. Casual sex is cool because it requires very little of the participants. Get off and get going, everyone is somewhere between satiety and scratched itch in terms of payoff.
Long term partnered sex is like an ongoing conversation about pleasure and likes and dislikes and leads to way more fulfilling encounters. It can also just scratch the itch but has more upstream pleasure potential ime.
Another level of cope.
After many years of effortless romance and/or sex (I had the good fortune in my younger days to look like sort of a cross between Rob Lowe and Andre Agassi), I finally just burnt out on it and deliberately chose to pursue bachelorhood. I've never regretted it. (For whatever that's worth).
I believe that bachelorhood is genuinely the best choice for some people, but most of them don’t realize it, and/or get pushed into marriage by societal expectations. Congratulations on figuring out what’s best for you, and following that path!
Regardless of what is the best path for you, making major life choices because "it is expected" or "it is the default thing to do" is not a good choice.
I think there's a particular brand of person I've seen a few times in real life and in media who gives off strong incel energy despite regularly having sex, and I think many of these people are the same as you describe. I think the toxicity that gives them the incel vibes are a product of "I have been conditioned to chase after sex and to measure my worth in how easily I can acquire sex, and now that I have achieved that, I feel hollow because it doesn't give me fulfillment"
I spoke to a guy friend about this and he said that his own experience of losing his virginity in his mid 20s gave him a sense of discomfort that he later recognised as a sort of gender dysphoria (as a cis man), because suddenly he was "winning" at being a man (according to how society tends to frame it), but he was less happy than before.
It really can get exhausting and repetitive, especially if one's stringing one failed attempt after another...
I second the idea of bachelorhood, can work miracles even if it's just for a year or two. A break from any and all things relationship/romance can aid with recalibration and recuperation, I think the whole idea of romance has become more of a societal pressure than anything else nowadays and it's very easy for it to become stressful.
Romance has also been skewed by media to this constant thing that's also become a bit of an expectation. In my experience those romantic moments are just that, moments. They're created from feelings and random interactions. It can be effort and planned of course but not as a non-stop fairytale style of life which seems to be increasingly desired/expected.
Media really only shows the good and intense parts, similar to the porn problem, that people end up forgetting that it's a small portion of the actual time together. Instagram lives are a good example of this. Cute times while cooking dinner happen, but not every meal, not every day. It becomes special when it's not all the time, when your partner notices something and acts on it. Otherwise it's exhausting and draining.
Wait, starfish position? Am I doing sex wrong?
Depends, are you into marine invertebrates ?
Who isn't??!
Next level enlightenment.
Well, anon has re-discovered the Buddha's advice on dealing with lust. I don't have the text handy, but basically, somebody asks the Buddha about dealing with lust, and the Buddha advises that you strip away your preconceived notions about sex and look at it neutrally. Consider that this same body undertakes all the boring and tedious things that bodies do, that the body will age and decay, that the grave beckons. The way he puts it is better than I do, ofc, but that's the gist, and Anon's converged on it. Not saying that it's good or bad, but hopefully it helps Anon feel better and be a better person.
Just go to the local glory hole.
Anon is ready to leave the samsara.
Sounds asexual tbh.
