I'm sorry women, I'm sorry to society, I'm sorry to my friends
I'm sorry women, I'm sorry to society, I'm sorry to my friends
I feel like the world has placed an challenge on my shoulders I cannot and will not overcome, from a young age I’ve been considered unattractive, people treated me as if I wasn’t human, people used to use tissue paper to hand me things, make faces at me and treat me as if I was sick. On top of this I have abused by my father, when I was 14 I realized I was a women and thought hrt would fix me if I just held out long enough to start it, unfortunately after 3 years hrt, a year on injections many elements of myself are horrible, the only difference is I get the same treatment mixed in with transphobia, i feel like the only reasonable conclusion I can come to is death. I’m sorry I feel like the world wanted me to prove you don’t have to be attractive to be trans. Unfortunately that weight has proved way to much, I’m sorry to my friends I know they tried and tried, but I know normal people can only do much. I’m sorry to society, I know my life was supposed be some learning lessons but fuck I’m a human bein
Stay strong! There's so many chances for things to improve. DM me if you need someone to talk to. I stand with you.
Hey, I just want to say I'm sorry you feel like this. I know it sucks not being happy with how you look, and it's hard, but try to step back and look at yourself through someone else's eyes. You might not be a supermodel, but you know who else isn't? 99.9% of everyone else. And so what? I find plenty of people attractive who aren't models, and plenty of models are unattractive to me. And honestly that's the thing, everyone has different opinions on what is or isn't attractive. You'll always be your own worse critic, but try to seperate your personal opinions on beauty from the equation. You aren't unattractive, you just might not be your type. I remember seeing some of your older posts, and like many people said then, you actually do look good. Dysphoria and self-image problems can make that hard to accept, but don't let your brain convince you that what some jerks might have said to you elsewhere (or what you imagine people think about you) is more true or important than what people are saying to you here.
Looking at yourself you'll see every flaw, every detail of yourself that you can criticize or compare with others. But when others look at you, I promise that's not what they'll see. They'll just see you, and the happier and more confident in yourself that you are, the better you'll look to them. Being yourself and being happy about that will do miles more than anything else to improve how both you and other people see yourself.
Trying to fight things like this alone can be hard, so if you're able to do so, I'd recommend trying to speak to a therapist. They'll be much better at helping articulate things than any random comment online could. If you can't do that then reach out to the comments offering to talk. I'd always be down to, and while I can't personally offer much advice in the way of makeup or clothes or stuff like that, I'd be more than happy to just chat or help out with anything I do know about.
If nothing else though, I hope you can try and look at yourself through an outside perspective. When you see a stranger on the street you won't scrutinize them for features of their body you dislike, so why should you do that to yourself? All that will do is magnify those thoughts, so try to find the elements of yourself you are happiest with and internalize those feelings instead. They don't even need to be physical, they could be clothes, skills, personality traits, events, whatever. Try to celebrate anything and everything that makes you happy to be you.
I’ve recently been working more with the public and the way I’m treated says otherwise, I’m treated horribly. People look at me like they did back in school and treat me the same, even this queer couple made a face at me when I was grabbing something for them. People think I’m gross and disgusting.
I can't claim to know your exact situation or anything, but it could be possible that some of what you see as people thinking you're gross isn't really that. If you experience enough mistreatment or hate then other things that might have a different explanation can definitely feel related to it. I'm not saying that as a way to try and minimize your experiences or anything, but sometimes it can help to try and find other reasons that people act how they do. If you have a negative image of yourself then it makes sense you'd imagine any sort of negative interaction is because of that, but people are complicated and there's no saying what necessarily causes someone to do anything.
Either way, the people who would bully anyone are assholes. If anyone mistreats someone because they don't conform to their specific standards then they don't deserve to have an opinion on you. I know that it's easier said than done, but try to ignore those people. Your self worth shouldn't be based on how jerks feel.
No matter how people act or how you perceive yourself, you are still worthy of love and happiness. There will always be people who find you unattractive for a variety of reasons, just like anyone else. But there are also tons of people who will find you attractive for those same reasons and more. And like I said before, what matters the most at the end of the day isn't how others feel, it's how you do. So try to go easy on yourself and remember that one person's opinion isn't a fact.
If you want to change something about yourself to make you happy, go for it! But trying to change yourself to make jerks happy will never work, because they can always find something new to criticize.
I hope you don't mind, I creeped on your profile and found prior posts with your photos. You look like a perfectly reasonable woman. I interact with women far less attractive than you regularly and don't feel disgusted.
Do you have a therapist? A professional would be a great resource for digging into the reactions you're seeing.
It's not about learning lessons. There's no grand narrative to life other than what we come up with.
From your posts, it's become clear that I can't convince you to not hate yourself. Only you can decide to self love, not anyone else. You absolutely will not get better until you recognize how loveable you are.
There wouldn't be a lesson for anyone in your death, just tragedy and pain. We'll always be here for you, but that will not matter unless you're there for yourself.
Why do you feel like the world has placed that responsibility on you?
That's the first question I would ask if we were talking together live. It sounds like you need somebody who will listen to you and help get all those feelings outside. The transfem sidebar has a list of support hotlines.
I'm not attractive, I just want someone I can share my life with. I'm a cis male and get insulted all the time. I just have tuned it out and tried to focus on doing things to keep me productive. It's not fair to be insulted for your gender or your looks. There are evil people out there
Hey! I work in a place that provides a place for people with handicaps. There are many people there that society considers repulsive and freaks, but I see them on a daily basis smiling and enjoying their lives. I am not saying that such a place is for you, I just wanted to say that even if mainstream society rejects you, there will be places that will accept you. I can only encourage you to seek professionals that can help you overcome your hurdle and find a place to strive. Best of luck!