Why do the majority of women still take their partner's last name?
Why do the majority of women still take their partner's last name?
Back in the medieval ages when a woman was married to a man, they were basically considered property for my understanding and treated like an extension of the man's person and family. So it was customary for women to take the man's last name since they were being joined to his family. But now here in the 21st century women are fully independent and last names don't really seem to mean much of anything. I mean what is Smith or McGregor or any last name really mean anymore? Especially in the digital age, lots of people have digital usernames like SarahSmith1727373. So the last name clearly doesn't mean much anymore.... Which leads me to wonder, why do the majority of women still take the man's last name? Especially when some of them have a horrible last name? I have seen some butt ass ugly last names recently, like Fink, Weimer, Slotsky/Slotsky, Hiscock (no joke this is a last name), Hardman.... And then you hear the woman's name and it's like something way more reasonable and less stupid sounding like Kingman, or Harrison, Walls, etc.
I think the only correct answer will be "there are lots of different reasons".
My wife took my last name, even though it's not a good one and I suggested that we pick a new one.
Here are a couple of her reasons:
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She wanted us to have the same surname.
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She was very close friends with my cousins growing up, so the name didn't seem weird to her.
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Tradition - she'd always assumed she would change her name to her husband's name, so that seemed the most normal thing to do.
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Many people are fine with changing their names and the ones that aren't won't do it. There's your answer. Don't rag on the people that like changing their name.
Pew Research has survey data germane to this question. As it stands, a clear majority (79%) of opposite-sex married women changed their family/last name to their husband's.
But for never-married women, only a third (33%) said they would change their name to their spouse's family name. 24% of never-married women were unsure whether they would or wouldn't change their name upon marriage.
From this data, I would conclude that while the trend of taking the husband's last name is fairly entrenched right now, the public's attitude are changing and we might expect the popularity of this to diminish over time. The detailed breakdown by demographic shows that the practice was less common (73%) in the 18-49 age group than in the 50+ age group (85%).
However, some caveats: the survey questions did not inquire into whether the never-married women intended on ever getting married; it simply asked "if you were to get married...". So if marriage as a form of cohabitation becomes less popular in the future, then the change-your-family-name trend could be in sharper decline than this data would suggest.
Alternatively, the data could reflect differences between married and never-married women. Perhaps never-married women -- by virtue of not being married yet -- answered "would not change name" because they did not yet know what their future spouse's name is. No option for "it depends on his name" was offered by the survey. Never-married women may also more-strongly consider the paperwork burden -- USA specific -- for changing one's name.
So does this help answer your question? Eh, only somewhat. Younger age and left-leaning seem to be factors, but that's a far cry from cause-and-effect. Given how gradual the trend is changing, it's more likely that the practice is mostly cultural. If so, then the answer to "why is cultural practice XYZ a thing?" is always "because it is".
I think each woman has her own reasons (some people actually like traditions) but I have the impression that, globally, women are not the same as what we see online. I think today the taking of a surname does not indicate ownership or property, at least to most modern women (and men).
I don't think any woman thinks like that anymore, or perhaps not many, so the motivations would then also be obviously different.
I'm from a different culture than my husband and my last name was a bureaucratic nightmare. Almost didn't make it into university because of computer mix ups, have had issues filing taxes, voting, getting a passport, settings basic IDs, getting insurance... It's endless. Changed my name as soon as I could, and even THAT process was hindered by my original name.
Bonuses: Distance myself from social media I had as a child. Harder for former stalkers to locate me if they decide to rekindle their previous obsessions. Don't need to upset one set of grandparents when you name your children one parent's last name and not the other. People stop asking me where I'm from and making racist assumptions about me. Everyone seems a lot friendlier now that they assume I'm [insert European white race here] instead of [insert non-white race here] and that's despite the fact that I'm clearly white. Racism is wild. My signature is way shorter.
Not saying this should be the norm, but I was happy it was a socially acceptable option for me.
My wife did, despite me saying I'd rather she not. Me changing to her name was not legally possible in our situation (me US citizen, her JP citizen, both living in and married in Japan). (Edit: What I wanted to do was change to her name, but that doesn't happen unless I give up US and my other citizenship, apply for and get JP citizenship, and choose her maiden name as my name or do that but a name combining hers and the sound from the start of mine rendered in kanji).
Her reasoning was that we could quickly and easily remove basically all doubt that we are related with just what ID we both always carry. Her usecase was one of us being critically injured or something and being able to gain access in the hospital or something else like that.
Can’t speak for all women, but I (and I imagine some others) changed my name because I knew I’d be having kids and didn’t want there to be any confusion. Like, if I’m traveling internationally or if my kid ends up in the hospital, I don’t want one of us having to fish out a birth certificate to prove we’re both the parents. Also I’m of the percent that absolutely hated my long last name so the chance for my name to be shorter and nicer was a no brainer.
I took my partner's last name because I like their family more than mine, and I liked the idea of no longer being associated with my family.
But I think most people just want to do what is normal or expected of them, so I would imagine that is why most women change their name. Not doing so would go against the grain, putting them in awkward situations where they have to explain they didn't take the last name.
I went from a "normal" western last name that was ethnically coded (like McCoy) to another ethnically coded name (like Nguyen, or - um - Fink).
My options were to keep a common and dull name that I share with people I don't like, get a new one (that I'd need to spell to every customer service representative ever), hyphenate (HELL NO), or make up something new (which would involve a shitstorm among relatives on both sides.)
The only real options were A and B. I was undecided until we were leaving the county courthouse after we were married. He asked me "are you going to change your name?" He didn't care. He thought it was a weird custom and was curious. And I realized - this is an opportunity. It's a relatively easy and socially acceptable way to shed your old name.
I took it.
The new name honestly messes with quite a few people who are meeting me for the first time, and it's interesting to see how they react. I've had people ask straightforward questions (I prefer that - there's an easy and straightforward answer), get half-way through a straight-up racist comment before they stutter to a stop (helps me get to know them), get all the way through a racist comment (again - helpful to know where you stand), or just not comment at all (just fine by me).
I've found that it's not the worst way to get a read on someone.
tldr: part spite, part novelty, part legitimately helpful when your profession means you need to meet strangers and get a quick read on their personality/potential biases/willingness to be straightforward when there's no reason to be weird about it
Because most countries have been patriarchal for most of human history. Old habits die hard.
I suspect a lot of women despite not wanting to be considered property, still place value on belonging with their partner. The western tradition of the man being the figurative head of household is still pretty prevalent. These two factors (and more, I'm sure) likely have some influence.
I've dated a few people who seemed progressive, and I'm a woke-ass queer, but names were a sticking point. I have a complicated welsh travesty of a name I would happily trade in for something shorter - so when I got engaged and I didn't like his name either, and neither did he, I suggested we both pick something new and change our names together. I mean, if it's no big deal for me to change my name, it shouldn't be for him either, right? Anyway, I'm single now.
Well, my last name isn't my mom's last name, it's my dad's, and her last name was her dad's, then her husband's. So why do I care, I don't get a matrilineal name anyway.
I hyphenated, because we both had kids when we got married, and it made it easier to deal with the school stuff for my stepkids.
Otherwise, I really just don't care because my family name is my dad's name and it was only my mom's name because she changed hers to his. Not that I didn't care about my dad, was closer to him than my mom. I just mean I don't feel like it means anything.
ETA: as the OP says, though - I really, truly don't understand it when a lady has a cool last name and the man an awful one and they still use his. I used to work at a payroll place and saw this happen over and over, someone would be calling up for us to change their last name from, say, Valiant or DeLeon to Assing, or Fuckler or something . Really, why wouldn't he be the one happy to change in that scenario?
One other reason I imagine is to establish a single family name, especially with children in mind. I'm not sure it actually works better than a double damily name, but it probably seems so to some.
A. Many men would not marry a woman who didn’t take their name.
B. Makes parenting more difficult in social settings by not sharing the last name of your kids. I.E. Picking up your kid at school or making medical decisions about kids and having a different last name as the child forces you to jump through a lot more hoops.
C. Women tend to grow up knowing they are going to change their last name it’s not even an afterthought. My girlfriend told me her and her friends would often talk about what their name would be if they married a guy they liked.
D. In some states it is very difficult for a man to change their last name but for women the processes is already in place.
My SO and have talked about possibly changing both of our last names when married. Neither of us are tied to or really care about our current names for any reason so why not just start fresh.
At least for my ex-fiancée it was about the link between husband and wife, plus tradition. It was basically "I'm married, you see?". Just like a ring.
(We talked a fair bit about this stuff, as back then I was planning to add my maternal surname to my legal name. She was OK taking either surname.)
I had discussed it with my wife. I didn't want her to feel obligated to do so, and I know it would be awkward at her work to change her last name, but ultimately she wanted to - so I guess that's one reason?
There is a degree of closeness from it that I think some people appreciate. If you all share a last name, perhaps you feel closer as a family? I've known some people that don't share the same last name as their kids, or people that went double-barrelled, but didn't with their kids, and some of them had either changed later, or regretted not having the "same" name.
My wife didn't and years down the line she says she wish she had. We have to go through more with medical things and such to show we are related and it was like a simple checkbox for her to do it when we got married but to do it now is a major pain in the ass.
Tradition, mostly. When I discussed this with my fiancee she just wants to - I certainly don't care. My one cousin went with both hyphenated, in alphabetical order so hers was first.
Because it is easier to have 1 family name if you intend to have children.
My wife took my name because she liked it better than hers. Although if we had known that where we live, you can change your name to whatever you want when you get a marriage license, then we would have picked something cooler.
We couldn’t decide on something on the spot though.
I have a coworker whose maiden name is Dykes. She was very happy to change.
To all the people here arguing that it's easier to have a family name, especially with children: It's also possible that the husband takes the wife's name. But from anecdotal evidence in my acquaintance, most men are very opposed to this idea. So if the woman wants a family name she has to change her name or have endless fights about it. That's why most women I know did it.
Having the same last name is just an easy way to show togetherness and unity. My wife kept her last name because she earned her MD with it but she's fine going by Mrs. (my last name) in a parental setting.
After we were married wife kept her last name, partially for professional reasons partially because she didn't like my last name :-) When we had kids we decided that the kids would have my last name to avoid hyphen hell and her last name is super generic so any time she has to search for an account at the bank or anything like that she almost always has someone else with the same first and last name it can be a pain to find the correct "her"
You're seriously wondering why women would want to take Hardcock? Buddy, I hate to be the one one to have to tell you this, I even hate to even type it, but women LOVE Hardcock. It's a fun name. It's fun to say. What woman wouldn't want Hardcock coming out of their mouth? Plus you get to attend the family gatherings on holidays and family reunions. Just a woman, surrounded by Hardcocks. Hardcocks as far as the eye can see!
.........why is everybody giggling?
For me, it was because my husbands last name was simpler than my maiden name.
Makes things easier for both parties when medical issues arise, even more so for parents. And I genuinely believe that a lot of women don't know it's an option.
I actually didn't change my name when my mom married my dad, so you can really just say "no." i was in middle school when I decided that, but whenever my dad tried to do anything, he had to jump through hoops. 🤷🏿♀️
Because everyone knows who the mother is through birth and following months/years if they're lucky, and the only connection a father has with his children is a last name.
It's quite reasonable that mums want the same surname as their children so ..
The trouble with that is that between twenty and thirty percent of children, depending on source, call the wrong person 'dad'.
I am originally from Spain but have since moved abroad where partners changing names is common.
Personally I love the way it is handled in Spain, where you get your family name at birth and won't be changed by marrying (you could change it but it is not normal to do it when you get married). And the family name is always a combination of both parents. Traditionally it was the first family name from the father and the first from the mother, but nowadays it can be decided which goes first. So officially everyone's got two family names, one from each parent. Unofficially you can just go as far as you want, so you get your given name, then first family name from one parent, then first from the other, then the second from the first, then the second from the second, etc. So if you track your family tree you can take all family names to make a huge list of them, which is not used for anything but somehow makes you be more attached to all those roots without names being lost.
Of course that makes it a nightmare when going to other places, everyone thinks your first family name is a middle name and dealing with two family names officially can be a pain. And let's not go into naming your kids then...
When I was marrying my wife she asked me how I felt about her changing her name to mine and if I wanted her to do that. She got her father's name but her mother divorced him later on and changed her name back and my wife's father was not much part of her life, so she was happy to just change it. I told her that for me that custom is a bit strange and I didn't need her to do it but would accept it if she wanted to (knowing her background), so whatever she did I wanted it to be her choice, but notice how in Spain people who share family name are siblings, as it is extremely rare for two persons to share both first and second name if not related, so sharing family name with my wife is really odd in a way...
At the end she changed her name, but because in this country you only have one she only took the first one. While our kids had to take either both of mine or hers (we had our first kid before us marrying and her changing name, so we chose mine), so now we all share the first (and only, in the case of my wife) family name but me and my kids have both my first and second family name (any kids after the first kid must get the same name).
If that was not complex enough, as I got my kids both nationalities, in Spain the rule is always first of one parent plus first of the other parent, and as the first one was born before us marrying, in Spain he has a different family name than he does where we live.
It's tradition in my country but not mandatory. The archaic government system is also easier to navigate through if a married couple have same the last name. Because it's so common for a wife to take her husband's last name, it immediately raises eyebrows when people claim to be married but have different surnames. In our case, my wife took my last name because she just likes it better than hers. It's neutral and easier to pronounce.
My wife took my last name because she had her father’s last name. He abandoned her shortly after birth and never attempted to get in touch with her. He quit jobs to avoid paying support. She did it to remove that last vestige of him from her life. Had she had her mother’s last name we would have hyphenated our names together.
I didn't change my name. My perspective is that my identity doesn't change just because I got married. My name has been mine since birth and it'll remain that way.
It helps with legal documents and proof of ownership of equity if both last names are the same. Taking the man's last name is just an archaic tradition but I do agree that having both last names the same is useful.
I will say though that people who hyphenate both their last name's are fucking psychopaths. Just choose one. Don't make other people have to remember 2 last names.
Especially in the digital age, lots of people have digital usernames like SarahSmith1727373. So the last name clearly doesn't mean much anymore....
but you also just used 2 names in your example... others here already said the right stuff, but I reiterate, it's a lot of symbolism helping create feelings of unity in a family unit, but also there are legal issues/benefits for changing a last name.
I can't say for sure why. When I got married she just wanted to take one of my names (I have two last names). I'm not famous or anything, so it doesn't carry any clout. Maybe she wanted a fancy sounding hyphenated name too, because she added one of mine to her current one.