I'm tired of not having friends

well, truth is that most people suck. Like, objectively suck.

Then, the ones that don't objectively suck may well subjectively suck. Like, they can be overall great people, but maybe they have a voice that grates on your ears, even though it doesn't bother anyone else, or some minor thing like that.

Then, the ones that don't subjectively suck may not have room in their life to have another bricks friend, or you subjectively suck for them.

Friendship is all about compatibility and time. You have to have enough compatibility to get along well enough to keep each other's company. That's how you build up the shared experience and bond. But it's just as hard as finding a spouse in a lot of ways. A truly great friend is someone you'll want in your life forever. That may only come along once in your life at all, and it's still possible for it to not work out.

Now, it's a bit easier to find friendly acquaintances. There may not be the depth and breadth of real friendship, but it's people you can enjoy the company of in limited ways. Maybe it's a hobby based connection, or bar buddies (pub pals) where you share a location. That kind of thing can turn into friendship, but rarely does.

Thing is, there's a tendency to think of friends in unrealistic terms, much the same way it can be for spouses or partners. We have to learn what those things mean, and that learning gets skewed by fiction. Because of that, and how long fictional representation of friendship has been going on, we don't always have good real life examples to compare. My generation, we grew up on TV, and our parents didn't always have good friends to show us what friendship really is as opposed to the kind of imaginary examples we'd have from Starsky and Hutch type of examples.

Hell, there was a show called Friends, and it was so unrealistic and unrepresentative of how life actually is that it failed to be about what good friendship is. Not entirely, but more than it succeeded.

We've got a world where we can have hundreds of connections every day, and they're still essentially meaningless because, as you said "nothing beats seeing a friend face to face regularly".

But it isn't selfish to want that. We all want that, even among the most misanthropic, there's a basic human need for meaningful human contact. We're a social animal.

The key to navigating all of that is to abandon preconceptions. Accept the many shades of what friendship can be when it isn't the kind of deep and true friendship we all want.

On the friend front, join the Fraternal Order of the Eagles if there's one in your area. Or the Rotary Club if you have some money and are more interested in improving the community than playing poker, and drinking beer. Or the Masons if you like pageantry and ceremony. It doesn't matter what organization, as long as you like what they're about. Heck, buy a Harley and join the Hell's Angels if you're all about power, money, and partying. Anyways, go join an organization.

On the girlfriend front, the surest way you can make that not happen is to keep harping on her about being scared she won't. Clinging to people makes them want to get away. By all means, tell her how excited you are about it, and if it's appropriate then tell her how important she is to you and how important it is that you guys are together, but don't keep expressing doubt to her.

Good luck, we're all counting on you!

ha same boat, long distance relationship and I don't have any friends. It sucks. I don't really have advice but maybe it'll help you feel a bit less alone knowing someone (probably alot of ppl really) are going through this too

When I moved to a new city in 2014, after burying myself in work and burning out. I decided to try rock climbing. I searched online for groups and asked one if I could join. It was really hard pushing myself to do it, but I did it. And that's where I made some of my first genuine friends, even after starting to climb, I remember going to a meetup at the gym and I made some more friends. It's 10 years later and I'm still friends with them. I moved to a different country now and whenever I go back I visit them.

So my suggestion is find a social sport like climbing and go (and yeah, it's social, you spend quite a lot of time chatting while someone is belaying someone else).

It's anecdotal, but I second the guy recommending in-person clubs. I was very much in the same boat this time last year. In the spring I mustered the social courage and reached out to a local LARP group.

The people I've met through that have been extremely welcoming and kind. I very quickly made friends and my mental health improved a lot.

Never learned how to make friends and I'm all alone, people suck in general. Unfortunately having friends is mandatory to get laid so I'm double screwed.