Expert Explains Why, Essentially, You're Fucked

I haven't watched the video, and I know it's The Onion, but based on the headline, I'm still not convinced this is satire. If anything it proves that The Onion now reports legitimate facts.

there is nothing you can do from being fully and devastatingly dicked over.

I'm so ready for the Onion News Network Renaissance

Neoreaction a Basilisk vindicated yet again