I had a friend who tried the same thing, bars and such. He didn't try anybody in his friend group and he was more ir less isolated at work, so there was no real pool of people to look into. I suggested getting a cheap seat at the ballpark and he balked saying he didn't like sports. I told him even if he walked the concourse, there were still folks he could interact with. He ended up finding some girl who was an actual prostitute and got him hooked on drugs.
Ireland is the only place where pubs are actual genuine places to meet and chat with strangers. And even then it can be difficult. Came back to France after 13 years and I was just flabbergasted at the difference. Everyone is out with their little group and no one seems to talk with anyone outside that little sphere. Only spot where it's socially acceptable to engage strangers is the counter itself and that's about it; and if you do it feels like you're a freak, honestly. I tried a few times to just meet people that way, and gave up.
Only way that worked for me was joining a hobby or sport or some other group like that. Volleyball got me a job within like two weeks of joining! Couchsurfing got me great friends, girlfriends and eventually my wife.
I go out and interact with strangers all the time, make acquaintances and friends, and when I was interested, even met women to date. I'm autistic, awkward, and have anxiety. If I can do it, most neurotypicals should be able to as well. I think the problem most people have is that they expect things to happen instantaneously. It takes time to build rapport with an individual or group, but consistency is key. You'll often be surprised by the people who look forward to seeing you.
If you are a man, do not go to bars or clubs alone and expect anything unless you are like, insanely hot or charming. But if you are either of those things you don't need my advice. Either go with friends or do something more actively social, like a class or outright social group.
Legit though, why be rude to a fellow for rolling up politely as a dude? Like, if he's hitting on you and it isn't welcome, you tell them up bugger off politely. But just someone looking for some conversation? Man, I actually dislike strangers in general, I've got PTSD issues. But I still wouldn't automatically push the guy away without a solid explanation. And I'm actually known for being blunt about things in public. But when you go to some places, including bars, there's an assumption that it's a shared space and you treat other people as well as they'll allow.
Like, if you aren't willing to be polite and at least explain why a stranger isn't welcome in your group, maybe a bar isn't the best place to meet up? Nobody is obligated to welcome them in with open arms if they don't want to, but you do it nicely because that's a fellow human being trying to be social and friendly. You say, "hey man, sorry, this is an in group situation, we're here as an established group doing our thing." You don't dis them, you don't act like they're bad for looking at you and your group and thinking "maybe those dudes could be cool to hang with". That's a good thing if someone thinks you and your crew are interesting.
I dunno, maybe I'm fucking weird, but as much as I hate crowded places, and dislike random contact, I can't think of a single time where I would have rejected someone without a friendly explanation why.
We gotta be better to each other. We don't all hang the be friends, but we can be nice about it, can't we?
Pottery class. You are a dirty mess, every one is a dirty mess and y'all have something in common. Plus it is an artistic expression and as long as you are willing to talk about artistic struggles being "bad" isn't detriment at all. And worst comes to show you now have a new coffee cup.
Replace Pottery with whatever is offered locally.
Dating is a complete shit show. People that say to just work on your self are only telling half the story. Of course it's important to be open and actively willing to improve, but it's equally as important to identify the kind of people in your life. Legit, the only reason I'm not a complete fucking incel today is because I was lucky enough to have a friend to connected me with someone I wouldn't have ever met otherwise.
I was convinced that all my self-improvement was pointless as I kept getting shoved away as a monster for simply being a man and getting cucked by literal rapists. Felt like what I believed in must have been fundamentally flawed somehow, that I was just broken. Turns out I was just used to attracting shit people.
Because women aren't objects to play for and win like a prize in a claw machine. They're people who have thoughts and wants and desires and aren't interested in being treated like an object to be possessed while they're out having fun. If you walk up and you're obviously looking to find something to be romantically interested in, and they want to get to know people like people before anything romantic, you're not going to have any luck. Like a bunch of the other comments said, go find something that you enjoy doing and get to know the people there as humans. Talk about your shared interest, about your goals and wants and desires for your life outside of a romantic partner, and ask them about the same. Surprisingly, once you stop treating women like fresh meat on a savannah and actually try to get to know who they are as people, they stop being so freaked out and might actually be interested in getting to know you as a person.
You have to leverage the situation you're in, but something that works well for me is go climbing gym > compliment someone on their climb > strike conversation > if it goes well, ask for their insta (semi-public info) > slip into DMs (wanna go climbing again?) > make a move
Between each >, it's obviously only a step you can do if the vibes check, but it's one example of something that works. Also I won't lie doing this is a bit difficult, but you get better with practice. It also works great if you go to busy climbing gyms in different places at different times, since you'll always see new people. Final caveat is I do this for friends, since I'm already dating, but it works the same way to catch a bf/gf
I met my wife at a bar. We've been married 4 years now.
She walked in alone, looking beautiful. Made up, red lipstick, hot dress.
I was shooting pool in the back with some friends before we head to our friends dj set. She sat down in the front, nearly by the door. I handed my cue off to someone and said shoot for me, I need to take care of something.
As I walk towards her, I can see every other single dude, and the not single dudes, and a couple of ladies eyeballing her. I walked with such momentum that anyone considering trying to make the move had already yielded. I walked with such confidence they probably thought I was already with her.
I sit next to her and start chatting. Ask if I can buy her a drink. Introduce myself. Ask what she's up to. Turns out she's trying to go dancing. She was supposed to meet a friend who was running late, but the dance club accross the street they were going to had closed suddenly a few days prior.
It just so happened that my buddy was DJing the best, sold out, ballroom dance party that night. And I was on the list.
We have a few drinks and chat, convince her to come with us if she's trying to dance. She gets in the Uber with some of my other friends I was shooting pool with and I. The friends there and candid vibe set her at ease, it is a little crazy to jump in a Uber with someone you met 30 minutes ago after all.
I get to look so cool when I tell the bouncer I'm on the list, but there must be a mistake I should be listed for a +1 too. No problem, we both get in. It's litterally the best dance party I've been too. We dance, make out, the rest is history.
dating apps are bleak as fuck, yes.
Find pubs with karaoke, and do it. If you're decent, someone will compliment you. Strike up a conversation with them.
I legit have no idea how I meet people but some how I have friends and occasionally girlfriends. I can't control when it happens I just have to wait until I get a friend join event.
Probably one of the most socially friendly places I recall in recent years was a CrossFit gym. I know people shit in them as being full of cultish twats, and to some extent I won't argue that, but compared to a standard gym there's quite a 'us' rather than 'me' vibe to it. Find those kind of places where people look to support and improve each other rather than show off what they know or can do.
Though I'm about the least socially apt person around one thing that really has stuck out to me, don't go there with a goal other than to do the thing. If you go with the goal of a date you're gonna be disappointed, go with the intent of doing what you like instead.
It tough, but you have to go to meet people not girls. Have fun, be social, and you'll get there.
