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i probably sound dumb but i think i'm an alcoholic. i refuse to stop drinking unless i'm blacked out. i won't drink unless i'm blacking out. i've also had to go to the hospital for throwing up blood. i also occasionally have to call out of work. i just turned 24 two days ago and prior to 2022, i never ever drank. 2022 was an awful year for me and so i said "fuck it" and went all out.
i guess i'm "clean" during the week, idk
You need help stopping and there is help available. I quit drinking a few years ago after realizing I was an alcoholic. You need to stop before you body forces you to stop.
With some effort, support, and planning I was able to not drink for a year straight. And have since been able to have a drink without having too much or wanting more.
It isn’t easy but neither is liver issues.
Figure out what drives you to drink and avoid it. I cut friends that I liked to drink around. Quit a well paying job because it stressed me out. I took a few weeks off after I quit and kinda reset and finally had found my major trigger.
Anyway you can get a handle on it.
And have since been able to have a drink without having too much or wanting more.
This is very dangerous. Alcoholics often try and convince themselves they can 'just have one', and it usually becomes another months or years long bender.
Be careful playing with fire
That is certainly alcoholism. You don't sound dumb, you're smart for being able to recognize it. Many people just ignore it and pretend they aren't addicted.
Semantics aside, you have a deeply unhealthy relationship with alcohol, and it’s probably best to find a way to end that relationship before something life ruining happens to you while drunk.
Relatable.
Keep trying. You can do it.
I wasn't a black out drunk, mainly cause it didn't take much to make me drunk, but I couldn't stop once I started either. First I hold out on drinking during the week, then I'd have drinks on the evening, then a drink before work then decided to quit before it got further out of hand.
I hope you find the motivation to quit cause honestly drinking is such a waste of time. I genuinely believe all you need is to believe you can.
I've been there before.
Gotta get help. Gotta get therapy. Alcohol does have a strong physical/chemical dependency that forms on long term abuse, however the source of what drives you to abuse chemicals is always something deeper.
Get the help. It's worth it not to feel paper thin.