Why do people care so much that their friend or family member’s partner is attractive and not just loving?
Like, seriously, I have had a few people talk about how my fiancé wasn’t conventionally attractive, but he’s attractive to me :)
Plus, he’s good to me, and I don’t date for looks. I’ve had conventionally attractive exes too who have been horrible people, so…
Apparently you meet very shallow people.
My dad included 😭
My mom and sister used to say my husband looks like he just got released from Auschwitz so I feel you 🫠
Maybe it's because your dad wants you to get a perfect person. Someone who is nice and loving and interesting and attractive and successful and rich and a good cook and volunteers and whatnot. My guess is not that they would prefer you to have someone handsome and unloving instead, but someone who is both handsome and loving. Because to them, you're perfect. So they want you to have the (what they assume would be) perfect match. Most of this is probably not an active thought process but just some subconscious thinking.
Set boundaries with your parents please. It’s not ok for them to disparage your future spouse.
It’s just dad and a friend, thanks :) 😊
Oh goddddd the dad thinks his kid needs to chase hotter dudessss I'm gonna die
"My son only accepts the HIGHEST QUALITY DICK, I taught him to know his worth!"
I feel sorry for people who don't have good hygiene.
Or just honest, open ones.
Nothing irks me more than the "sharing your unasked for opinion at any time is just telling the truth" crowd. Come on. You must know the difference between honesty and integrity for the sake of good communication and being insensitive because it's "the truth." You're not being honest, regardless of the truth of your beliefs, you're being a dick if you tell someone they're not attractive without being asked.
If someone asks, "Am I attractive," not fishing for compliments but asking for an opinion, you wouldn't be a dick for saying "I wouldn't describe you as conventionally attractive," or "you aren't my type, so not to me." You would still be a dick for saying either of those things to someone who didn't ask, or delivering your answer in an inconsiderate manner. Truth doesn't make your words right. You can be correct and still very wrong.
Nothing irks me more than people who lump people into categories so they can rage out at a made up charicature and feel a social media vindication high.
Can you elaborate? What is "honest and open" about being rude to someone for no reason?
You decided I'm mad, not me. You also didn't answer the question. Obvious rage bait, shouldn't have fed the troll.
Honesty is telling the truth to people. Openness is feeling free to express yourself. Empathy is considering other people's perspectives and taking their feelings into account. People should practice the last one before impulsively acting based on the first 2. It's called being an adult member of society.
Lots of people navigate the world being more open and honest about things the way they are, rather than beating around the bush about everything that could possibly be sensitive.
Being nervous and awkward and avoiding the elephant in the room can draw more attention and self consciousness to it then not.
Being nervous and repressed doesn't make you the be all arbiter of how to navigate the world.
Your personal judgements about others are not "an elephant in the room" that needs to be talked about. They are not objective facts. Ask yourself, when you think someone is unattractive, why is it so important to you that they know you think they are unattractive? What do you think you are accomplishing by bringing it up?
Let's use the power of imagination, I can imagine a party where a group is having a conversation where everyone is talking about relative attractiveness and how privileged that's made them in life, and the rather obviously unattractive partner has walked up and has been quiet for a while so someone makes a joke about the elephant in the room and they move on.
Who the fuck has conversations about people's attractiveness? That shit is boring.
Oh wow, such a valid point you have. Just because you think it's boring I'm sure that' means that it's never occurred before.
It's not about being open and honest. It's about that not being relevant. Your opinion on how someone looks isn't relevant, helpful, or necessary unless it's directly asked for.
There's nothing awkward, nervous, or repressed about not going out of your way to open your mouth and make someone feel bad about themselves. You can simply not fucking say something that crosses your mind.
"Brutally honest" people are incredibly annoying. They think they've discovered a social cheat code so they can get away with being an absolute ass because they're just an Honest Person™.
It's not about being open and honest. It's about that not being relevant. Your opinion on how someone looks isn't relevant, helpful, or necessary unless it's directly asked for.
They could have literally been having a conversation about their relative attractiveness when it came up. At the time I posted this, we didn't have more context on what exactly was said, beyond the initial incredibly vague description of "people talk about how".
beating around the bush
everything that could possibly be sensitive
Being nervous and awkward
avoiding the elephant in the room
self consciousness
You're literally strawman-ing what I said. Empathy is considering others. It really is that simple...
I'm not straw-manning any more than you were, given the information at available at the time. and it's perfectly possible to have commented on someone's unattractiveness in an empathetic way.
In this case it sounds like neither their friend nor their father did, and I personally wouldn't because it seems like a minefield, but I have seen cleverer friends and family navigate those minefields.
Sounds like someone didn't check their empathy before posting honestly!
My friend is blunt, my dad is rude
Being shallow and being honest are not mutually exclusive. At all.