Trans Megathread for the Week of December 30th, 2024 to January 5, 2025 - The Summer Hikaru Died
Trans Megathread for the Week of December 30th, 2024 to January 5, 2025 - The Summer Hikaru Died
Here's to a new year! Here's my first mega try (also first time posting in a while due to reasons) but heya! Admittedly struggled a fair bit with self doubt and anxiety on this one as put it off for a while/other things caught up with me but I figure I'll be glad I did it once I've done it. It's kinda being done last minute though, so admittedly there's that...
I'd been intending to make the mega about something else originally when I signed up, but that would require more time on my part (and I just binge read this recently, so it all works out). Anyways, my subject of the week is The Summer Hikaru Died; it's a queer (BL) horror manga which is currently also scheduled for anime release next year (2025).
Content warnings naturally follow and further details will be spoilered.
CONTENT WARNINGS
Grief, body horror and (very debatably IMO) mild gore, supernatural horror (ghosts/"impurities", otherworldly entities), death I suppose though that one's a given
Premise
The titular Hikaru went for a walk in the woods, died, and something came back wearing his body, something that doesn't quite know how to be human or mortal; "Hikaru" returned, to ensure that his best friend, Yoshiki, would not be lonely. Romantic tension (and tension of a less pleasant kind) ensues.
The plot/things I like about it thus far (light spoilers)
Yoshiki and "Hikaru" have an absolutely great dynamic- their relationship may not be fully healthy, but their intentions seem to both be in the right place, as are their deep feelings (Yoshiki's for Hikaru and increasingly for "Hikaru," and Hikaru and "Hikaru's" own true feelings) and honesty in this regard, despite the latter "Hikaru" being effectively an imposter of sorts. (it's complicated, but these are increasingly distinguished separately and I really like that process as well)
"Hikaru" is, while not quite a blank slate, extremely new to the concept of even just "being" in the sense that mortal creatures and individual organisms(?) do. They've had to learn (and Yoshiki has had to confront them about) the value and significance of life and death; they've increasingly established boundaries, and they approach the world with a liveliness and curiousity that is really cute (the original Hikaru was also lively FWIW, but "Hikaru" is experiencing everything anew even if they retain the memories).
Yoshiki, on the other hand, is both grappling with his grief and loss of Hikaru, while finding comfort (and discomfort alike) in his imposter, and in guiding them through a new world or state of being. He's finding his resolve and moral/ethical backbone interacting with "Hikaru" (very blue-and-orange morality dynamics, though they're learning), he's experiencing what could be described as a rocky but determined romance and queer experimentation at the same time "Hikaru" is being introduced to notions of attraction and desire (beyond instinctual desire to consume).
Their pairing in so many ways should not work (or rather would be usually destined for a tragic end). From the start, there have been several points where by all means it should have met such an end. But their determination and willingness to meet the other where they're at and gradually be understanding with the other is both fascinating and something I'd feel optimistic for (and interested in seeing play out further).
Anyways, I should cut myself short at this (and make sure to have something properly written beforehand for next time). But anyways, thus far it's a strong recommend (if you feel alright with the content warnings) from me.
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I talked a little about it earlier, and kind of understated my feelings in the moment, but fuck am I both excited and scared about the possibility of getting on HRT. It's crazy to me that I've been suffering from gender dysphoria for years and only started considering getting on HRT in the last several months, but if everything goes right, it'll all be resolved in a matter of weeks, and ultimately this was spurred by a kind of crappy Christmas with "family". Yet there's still the possibility that I won't get to it soon (I still need to go through all the blood tests and admittedly I have not been taking care of my health up to this point), and even if I do, there's the social consequences of the changes to worry about. Pretty much everyone in my life is socially conservative, and I live in a red state, so I don't know what's gonna happen there. Despite all that, without a doubt I'm looking forward to starting HRT so I can become the woman I've always wanted to be.
It's also weird (yet comforting) to me that the more I think about medically transitioning, the more at peace my mind is. But sadly the only thing I can do at this point is think about it. When my egg first cracked, I thought I would socially transition first (I've made posts from as recently as a month or so ago saying this), but only recently have I realized I can't let myself do that without some form of medical transition. It's not just the way of presenting myself that needs to change, my body does too.
Omg I just got access to HRT just like you! I'll be starting in like a month.
I'm scared and excited too, but I mostly feel exactly what you described--a really deep sense of peace. While I've already socially transitioned with some people, I can't wait for my body to change :)
Whatever obstacle you're worried about, you can handle!
Whatever obstacle you're worried about, you can handle!
Right, I know it’s not always or even most of the time going to be easy, but I know I won’t be disconnected from reality the way I’ve been all these years 😊