Trans Megathread for the Week of December 30th, 2024 to January 5, 2025 - The Summer Hikaru Died
Trans Megathread for the Week of December 30th, 2024 to January 5, 2025 - The Summer Hikaru Died
Here's to a new year! Here's my first mega try (also first time posting in a while due to reasons) but heya! Admittedly struggled a fair bit with self doubt and anxiety on this one as put it off for a while/other things caught up with me but I figure I'll be glad I did it once I've done it. It's kinda being done last minute though, so admittedly there's that...
I'd been intending to make the mega about something else originally when I signed up, but that would require more time on my part (and I just binge read this recently, so it all works out). Anyways, my subject of the week is The Summer Hikaru Died; it's a queer (BL) horror manga which is currently also scheduled for anime release next year (2025).
Content warnings naturally follow and further details will be spoilered.
CONTENT WARNINGS
Grief, body horror and (very debatably IMO) mild gore, supernatural horror (ghosts/"impurities", otherworldly entities), death I suppose though that one's a given
Premise
The titular Hikaru went for a walk in the woods, died, and something came back wearing his body, something that doesn't quite know how to be human or mortal; "Hikaru" returned, to ensure that his best friend, Yoshiki, would not be lonely. Romantic tension (and tension of a less pleasant kind) ensues.
The plot/things I like about it thus far (light spoilers)
Yoshiki and "Hikaru" have an absolutely great dynamic- their relationship may not be fully healthy, but their intentions seem to both be in the right place, as are their deep feelings (Yoshiki's for Hikaru and increasingly for "Hikaru," and Hikaru and "Hikaru's" own true feelings) and honesty in this regard, despite the latter "Hikaru" being effectively an imposter of sorts. (it's complicated, but these are increasingly distinguished separately and I really like that process as well)
"Hikaru" is, while not quite a blank slate, extremely new to the concept of even just "being" in the sense that mortal creatures and individual organisms(?) do. They've had to learn (and Yoshiki has had to confront them about) the value and significance of life and death; they've increasingly established boundaries, and they approach the world with a liveliness and curiousity that is really cute (the original Hikaru was also lively FWIW, but "Hikaru" is experiencing everything anew even if they retain the memories).
Yoshiki, on the other hand, is both grappling with his grief and loss of Hikaru, while finding comfort (and discomfort alike) in his imposter, and in guiding them through a new world or state of being. He's finding his resolve and moral/ethical backbone interacting with "Hikaru" (very blue-and-orange morality dynamics, though they're learning), he's experiencing what could be described as a rocky but determined romance and queer experimentation at the same time "Hikaru" is being introduced to notions of attraction and desire (beyond instinctual desire to consume).
Their pairing in so many ways should not work (or rather would be usually destined for a tragic end). From the start, there have been several points where by all means it should have met such an end. But their determination and willingness to meet the other where they're at and gradually be understanding with the other is both fascinating and something I'd feel optimistic for (and interested in seeing play out further).
Anyways, I should cut myself short at this (and make sure to have something properly written beforehand for next time). But anyways, thus far it's a strong recommend (if you feel alright with the content warnings) from me.
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Did some real cringe shit at the gym and feel very retroactively embarrassed but like nobody saw so I guess it's okay but I'm actually worried about the employees watching the CCTV and being like "damn, what a (SLUR
)On the bright side I made friends with an older lesbian couple with cool tattoos and they raise chickens and are nice and I'm pretty sure they clocked me but in a nice kinda "sup homo" way lmao
Also learned former crush's actual name and I got it wrong for like a month in my head lol whoops
Good thing that's not gonna be an issue really or I'd feel bad about it but ugh they're still really cute and sweet and
ＡＡＡＡＡＡＡ
sad/lonely, dysphoria, weird orientation feels but idk I'm definitely pan but not sure exactly how specifically I guess?
Good thing I have another distant unrequited crush to feel sad about lmao
Wait no, two, and one of them is towards someone of a gender I'm not often attracted to and makes me feel kinda weird about it in a "hmm, I thought I had myself figured out by now but I guess there's still more to unpack" and even having normal crushy feelings and thoughts about them makes me like, abstractly sympathetically embarrassed for them? Like, I'm fairly confident that they're a cishet woman and I definitely am capable of being attracted to them but like, thinking about this person realizing I'm into them and then figuring out that I'm a weirdo pan enby if they're only into men normally makes me feel weird and uncomfortable
I feel like even abstractly having feelings for a cishet woman makes me like, "less me?" Does that even make sense? Like the idea of being in a "straight" relationship as an AMAB person is like... "what would a dog that chases cars do if it actually caught one?? you don't know how to drive dog" lmao, I'm pretty sure this person doesn't see me as nonbinary or a femme and I don't think they're a lesbian or queer and squaring that circle and my attraction is kinda fucking me up because every woman and AFAB person I've ever had feelings for has been queer too in some way
Is it self misogynistic or sexist in some way that I don't really have that mental conflict being attracted to men? Like, I never feel "guilty" about finding a guy hot in the same way and can imagine myself having some kind of relationship work more intuitively?
I miss my ex bf tbh and am sad and lonely and touch starved
Like, the mental simplicity of "don't worry about your own gay bullshit identity conflicted feelings, you're in a relationship with (name) and you're queer and happy, just be good to him and allow him to be nice to you and do cute shit together" was so nice while it lasted
But nooooo he has to move to go get a degree and start a career and you didn't have your shit together really and were being difficult, no wonder he fuckin' "it's not you, it's me"-d you
Falling in love with a gay man as you're tip toeing out of the gender closet is probably a bad idea folks
Liking the way your body is changing while your partner doesn't and it starts making you distant from them until the relationship fails? Not good folks, we hate to see it!
I'll always be grateful for the time we had together but like, fuck, it still hurts sometimes
Why oh why couldn't I just be a (normal f-slur)
I'm here to be sad and sunk dinks, and I'm all outta dinks
I kind of get what you mean, but like…a gay man for instance, is no less a gay man if they develop a crush on a straight guy ya’know?
Or is no less one if a straight women is attracted to them for some reason.well
I feel like even abstractly having feelings for a cishet woman makes me like, "less me?" Does that even make sense? Like the idea of being in a "straight" relationship as an AMAB person is like... "what would a dog that chases cars do if it actually caught one?? you don't know how to drive dog" lmao, I'm pretty sure this person doesn't see me as nonbinary or a femme and I don't think they're a lesbian or queer
Yeah but women pretty though? Also what you describe would never happen and it wouldn't be a "straight" relationship unless you wanted to define it that way, so like. As Tomboymoder says, it does not affect ur gender at all.
and you didn't have your shit together really and were being difficult,
Be nice to yourself, please...
Liking the way your body is changing while your partner doesn't and it starts making you distant from them until the relationship fails?
It's a classic though... Shouts to cis people for getting into relationships on assumptions about who and what we are and then getting mad when that changes, fuck. I mean it's not often gonna be pleasant but it doesn't have to be as bad as they make it out to be, I think.