Trans Megathread for the Week of November 4th, 2024 to November 10th, 2024
Trans Megathread for the Week of November 4th, 2024 to November 10th, 2024
DEMOS (Dialogovaya Edinaya Mobilnaya Operatsionnaya Sistema: Russian: Диалоговая Единая Мобильная Операционная Система, ДЕМОС, lit. 'Interactive Unified Portable Operating System') is a Unix-like operating system developed in the Soviet Union. It is derived from Berkeley Software Distribution (BSD) Unix.
It's development was initiated in the Kurchatov Institute of Atomic Energy in Moscow in 1982, and development continued in cooperation from other institutes, and commercialized by DEMOS Co-operative which employed most key contributors to DEMOS and to its earlier alternative, MNOS (a clone of Version 6 Unix). MNOS and DEMOS version 1.x were gradually merged from 1986 until 1990, leaving the joint OS, DEMOS version 2.x, with support for different Cyrillic script character encoding (charsets) (KOI-8 and U-code, used in DEMOS 1 and MNOS, respectively).
Initially it was developed for SM-4 (a PDP-11/40 clone) and SM-1600. Later it was ported to Elektronika-1082, BESM, ES EVM, clones of VAX-11 (SM-1700), and several other platforms, including PC/XT, Elektronika-85 (a clone of DEC Professional), and several Motorola 68020-based microcomputers.
The development of DEMOS effectively ceased in 1991, when the second project of the DEMOS team, RELCOM, took priority.
An archive of the DEMOS source code can found here: https://github.com/bpr97050/DEMOS There's some interesting comments and mailing list archives in that repository as well. :)
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sadposting, relationship yearning
Terrified of personal intimacy and being vulnerable
Desperately touch starved and want to be held and lovingly cuddled for hours
this pseudo-hermit shit sucks but I'm so afraid of putting myself out there looking a relationship and don't feel up to it with where I'm at in my life right now
I want a partner to love me so bad though, I'm so lonely and have virtually zero positive human relationships irl currently
I love my cats so much but people need other people sometimes and I don't have anyone and my heart hurts
It keeps me up at night sometimes just ruminating about every relationship I've screwed up and what could've been
I can be cruel to myself sometimes but deep down I do think I'm a decent person with a lot of love to give and think there must be someone out there who'd mesh with my weirdo queer self perfectly but I have no clue how I'm ever gonna meet them with where I'm at now
Oafs need some romance sometimes too
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I struggle a lot with vulnerability too. I have been hurt, a lot, over and over by people who said they loved me (not just romantic, like my dad for example) and I have been vulnerable with people and it led to really shitty outcomes that I still feel guilty about. It's one of my biggest issues and I have to work on it before I can date or love someone honestly, cause it's one of the biggest contributors to why my relationships have failed.
Being cruel to yourself is a hard one. I would NEVER treat someone else as poorly as I treat myself. I would never make someone else work the schedule I do, sleep the shit amounts I do and do shift work, I would never make someone eat the way I do, I would never criticize someone as harshly as I do nor expect as much perfection as I expect of myself. I don't know how to crack out of it, I have a lot of people that depend on me operating at the highest I can. I feel responsible for doing things right the first time, no mistakes or pain. I am not very forgiving of myself and I tend to hide it instead of talk it out - I remember the way some of the people teaching me would speak, the venom, the insults, the dismissiveness and I always vowed to never do that when I'm teaching someone else. But there's always their voices still inside my head when I have to do something new (to me)
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I would NEVER treat someone else as poorly as I treat myself. ... I would never criticize someone as harshly as I do nor expect as much perfection as I expect of myself. I don't know how to crack out of it, I have a lot of people that depend on me operating at the highest I can. I feel responsible for doing things right the first time, no mistakes or pain. I am not very forgiving of myself and I tend to hide it instead of talk it out
Realizing this is really important.
I found one technique very useful for me. I imagine those really nasty critical things I'm saying to myself "you fucked up, you failed, you're not good at this, you're fucked up, etc." and I imagine me saying it to myself as a child.
It gets me every time. Tbh, just typing it made me get a little dewy eyed. It's because I can't actually get the words out. It makes me recoil every time. It makes me see that negative self talk for what it is, repulsive. I would never ever say those things to anyone else, and it makes me realize I wouldn't say them to myself either.
Idk, some might think it's stupid, but maybe it's helpful to you
(It helped with gender feelings, too)
I'm certainly willing to try!
Real. Being around people sounds good in theory but then I don’t feel connected and don’t want to be perceived. Idk, non-man.