K (189?–?) Soviet pioneer.
From Kazan, Tartarstan, USSR, K was diagnosed as a ‘transvestite’ in 1937.
She was given permission by the People’s Court to wear female clothing, her identity papers were changed to her female name, and her name was removed from the military recruitment rolls.
She was featured in a 1957 gynaecology textbook.
M.G. Serdiukov. Sudebnaia ginekologiia I sudebnoi akusherstvo. Moscow: Meditsina 1957: 47-8.
Dan Healey. Homosexual Desire in Revolutionary Russia: The Regulation of Sexual and Gender Dissent. Chicago and London: The University of Chicago Press, 2001: fig 24.
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Idk if it makes sense, but like I went clubbing with a friend of mine and we met up with some of his friends. I vibed really well with his one friend 'James' (not his real name) and my friend, James and I wound up going to get something to eat before heading to James' place where we watched some anime. My friend fell asleep and one thing lead to another and me and James did a lot of kissing, cuddling and heavy petting. The next day we met up too and the same thing happened, but before that we also went to get something to eat and then we cuddled while watching some anime. And he isn't pushy and doesn't seem to only want sex. Idk it felt like he was interested in something more.
And like it sounds great, but also so incredibly bittersweet as I knew this would never lead to more as he didn't know I was trans. It was a reminder of something I feel like I'll never have, and now I have to kill off whatever spark was there. Honestly I just bawled my eyes out because of this realization that any relationship developing organically seems basically impossible while trans. At best I'll get to wade through awful dating apps and in the end any partner I might find will have to know I'm trans which makes me sick. Idk it feels like cruel joke to have something great within reach, but then realizing it will never ever work out.
The older I've got the more things have become bittersweet.
Dancing with my ex for the first time, our second first date, seeing their face flicker in the camp fire. Having our prof remind me and my friends that hanging out under the summer bloom of the tree was likely to be one of our best memories and we won't be young forever. My last ever performance and acting. Meeting a girl in France and knowing we wouldn't see each other again. The short time friend I made who reminded me to eat broccoli and going out late at night to buy some. The last time my mom picked me up and held me when I was very young. Holding a dying woman's hand as she drifted away because her family didn't want to believe she was dying. Holding my baby sister when she was born and picking her up as an 18 year old because she took too many drugs and pissed herself at a party. Hosting my brother at my place during covid cause he lost his job and watching all of star trek, him telling me he never wanted to see me again when I made him go to the hospital for coughing up blood, seeing him at a wedding and how much healthier he looks. Sitting in the aisle watching the play my ex was in, the first time I ever saw them and being very cofnused cause I thought they were a boy - nonbinary wasnt a thing yet for them or like in general. My first girlfriend killer herself after I broke up with her. Telling the boy that bought me a beer and tried to hit me up that I wasn't gay (I was a closeted girl lol).
It sadly does seem like life is just inherently bittersweet. I guess my main issue is with the trans-specific issues that I wouldn’t have to deal with had I been born cis😭 Idk I’m just so tired of it all🥲
Definitely relate to the feeling that romance and sex is so much more complicated than it would be if I was cis. Among friends I'm pretty open about being trans, so the fact that it would eventually have to come up doesn't bother me so much, but I'll probably always be too scared to use tinder or go with a random dude to his place after a night out.
I honestly hate it so much. I vastly underestimated how awful dating, romance, etc. would be like after coming out. Most of my friends don’t seem to know I’m trans and I’m slowly cutting off people in my life who do know so I can’t even talk with anyone about it. It sucks how complicated everything is as a trans person.